Sailbird

Hey all,

I posted about 2 years ago when I got sober bringing a sailboat back to Mexico from Key West.

Since that time I started drinking again, stopped, started, etc etc

Anyway, some of my drinking buddies, who are total drunks when with me, and can go on a full week-end descent to inferno, are suddenly making jokes on me around non-alcoholics.

I'm in a motorcycle group and I manage to get to the group sober to join, but after a couple of hour when we get to the restaurant, I usually drink 1 or 2 light beers in the 2 hours we're there. Then we ride home, and once home, I drink like the alcoholic I am.

However, some of these dudes are freakign alcoholics. The regular guys just know that I like beer, they don't really know me, they suspect i'm a drunk but the worst is my drunk buddies making jokes about me and acting like they are angels. Hypocrites. I can't believe it.

This is frustrating. I've been depressed for a week, didn't touch my motorcycle, stopped drinking a few days, then the very guys who were making alcohol jokes about me suddenly start calling me to go on my yacht for the weekend. oooooohhh It's ok when your biking buddies don't see you with me and identify you with me ... God damn. I've never tried to hide my alcoholism, always made joke of it, admitted to it, but apparently, I should be a freaking hypocrite about it.

Tired of this ********. Tired of drinking. I started crying alone the other day about being a ******* drunk. an Hour later drank a beer. F*ck

When I'm around people who offer me drinks now I don't even know how to act anymore, I even say NO when I should say yes, and I say YES when I should say no. I've become paranoid that everyone is testing me. Tired tired tired

PS: I've got so low that the other day, I hid Vodka in Water bottles...

Mountainmanbob

you remind me of me back when I was drinking

you can do this thing sober

Mountainman

Dee74

I don't hang around jerks like that anymore.
Sobriety is like holy water to their emotional vampirism

I hope you'll give recovery a try again sailbird

D

FeelingGreat

I've come across people in social groups who are heavy drinkers, and that becomes their persona. They laugh at themselves, and so others feel free to make jokes at their expense. Most people know they have a problem but it's still a group joke.
You've become sensitive to this, which is a good sign.
You could snap at people until they get the message, or you could get sober. This will put your friends out, because if they are heavy drinkers themselves it's going to make them feel guilty, a bit like when someone gives up smoking and their smoking friends try to sabotage them.
You might have to step back from the group until you have a strong hold on sobriety if thats the way you want to go.
BTW, the 'will I won't I?', counting the drinks, waiting till I get home to hit the bottle, are all gone now and I can relax in social groups because the decision is made for me.

FeelingGreat

Well said Dee!

Sailbird

Thanks guys, I'm crying as I'm typing this. I've hit rock bottom Worst is, i've a beer on my desk, the strongest you can find at the store.

I'm afraid to have no fun anymore. 20 years getting drunk when watching movies, playing games, socializing. The last time I stopped drinking was so boring, but I managed for 1 month.

I feel stupid writing this on an internet page, but I guess you guys went through this.

Now I'm off to clean the 40 or so beer bottles in my bathroom counter before the maid come cleaning tomorrow morning.

Dee74

I drank and drugged for over 20 years - my entire adult life.

I thought the fun would stop when I stopped drinking...the truth is I have more fun now than I ever did drinking.

Early recovery is rough, but it's worth it to get to the other side

D

Nevertheless

It takes more than a month to find things to replace the things you used to do. I used to drink every day. When i quit ,I not only had to find new ways to occupy my time. I had to fight with the monkey on my back telling me it wanted to be fed.
It takes a lot of time,hard work,and devotion.
Most of all,I couldn't care less how people that drink judge me. I more focus on what the face in the mirror has to think about it. I don't have to spend any time whatsoever with any one but myself. So I worry about things I will regret,not what I think other people might regret about me.
When I quit drinking I do WAY fewer things that I regret.
Fred