jazzfish

How much sober time should one have to share experience, strength and hope with others? Is it only the latest continuous run? If there is a relapse should there be an apology for giving out false information?

There seems to be some of the opinion that those without a certain length of sobriety should not share anything except encouragement. I have struggled to put together long-term sobriety, but I also have never given out advice while drinking. So how long should one wait?

StevenT

In my opinion? If you have the experience, share it. If you have some strength, share it. If you feel hope, share it.

huntingtontx

If you have advice that might help me, I don't care if you have a day, a month or years. We are all in this together, and together we can beat it. I love anyone who takes the time to help me on my way. Take what works for you and leave the rest. That is my advice. This place rocks, and the advice and help here is AWESOME!!!

StevenT

Now, there is a difference between sharing experience, strength and hope and sponsoring, or giving advice, or sharing from a hilltop. One drunk sitting down with another and baring their soul should have no time requirement. Are you asking because of something specific that happened?

jazzfish

I received some feedback after this post, which I thought was pretty general and reflective of my experience.

matrac

Since your experience is probably not unique (you're not the only one who failed and tried again), share it. Others might see the red flags and gain from your knowledge!

aasharon90

I try to never tell someone or advise them
on what to do. I will however, suggest something
that I've done or experienced to others that
maybe helpful.

Sharing our own ESH - experiences, strengths
or hopes of what our lives was or is like before,
during and after alcohol or drugs, can possibly
help someone. It's in sharing that allows others
to know that they are not alone in whatever
they have done or may do in life.

Practice openmindedness, willingness and
most of all honesty in all we do or say as
we travel on recovery journey learning to
remain sober or clean one day at a time.

matt4x4

Some members with minimal amounts of continuous sobriety, who have worked all the 12 steps have way better sobriety than an old-timer with with lots of time in under his or her belt. Its better to have quality sobriety, then quantity. I see it in the newcomers who work with good sponsors, I see the newcomer grow in many ways. While the old-timers are crumpy, sad and mean, not growing. Not only do I see this in the rooms, but I also see it outside the rooms, where this program counts. Outside the rooms. These days it seems like you can share anything and everything in the room. One member says the same message everytime he shares. How money and love will keep a man sober. He spreads this nonsense in the rooms, while outside the rooms he is conning and stealing from AA members in his Rent To Own scam. I know one friend who was duped by this con-man. This guy smokes his herbal "pain medicine" on the Marjuaina maintenance program. I used to know the guy who sells it to him. I bet the seller is in prison or has been deported. Anyone can share, its what you share. A newcomer cant share on the steps if they havent worked them, so the next best thing is to start telling stories and we can relate and it reminds us, oh yeah I did that, yeah man I am an alcoholic. You cant shove nothing down an alcoholics throat, they will just puke it back up. But if you can spread the message on how YOU stayed sober, no one can argue with that. Thats why I do not argue with the facts in the Big Book. They stayed sober.

Dee74

I'm the mod of the Newcomers board.

Some of the best advice, IMO, comes from people who are, or have recently been in the same spot as you.

Sometimes that advice may not be understood or appreciated at the time, but will be later.

If you've got it share it

D

deeker

I can't give away something I don't have. But I can encourage someone and let them know I am pulling for them. How can one possibly advice someone how to stay sober if they are not sober themselves.

If they want to share what has not worked for them that that is another story.

For example- If I have no experience as a welder am I going to tell others how to be a welder.

It's like talking the talk but not walking the walk.

What's a last run 4 days, 4 months, 1 year? It all depends.

Longpasttime

The very same person may have different advice and perspective as they travel along their journey. Sometimes it might be best to hear from someone who has 20 years and is looking back with all of that wisdom, sometimes maybe from someone who is right there with you where you are in a current struggle. I think it all has value and am open to what anyone has to say, but I also take full responsibility for what I take from here and actually use for me.
This was a really great question to post/thread jazzfish-

silentrun

I can't see there being an appropriate time. All you can do is share how you see it. Nothing beats having someone who is going through the exact same thing telling you that you are not alone. So maybe someone with a week would be good at supporting someone with a week.

GracieLou

I read something one time that hit home with me.

"You do not have to know everything to share what you do know"

I think that says it all. If you are one week sober then you have something to give the person walking in the door that is one day sober. It is not so much what you say. Sometimes just a hi, a handshake and I am glad you are here is all that is needed to make a difference in another persons life.

There is not set timer that runs on experience, strength and hope.

SnoozyQ

I don't think you can put a specific time on when it's right .

If you feel you have something constructive to share with another without judgement , well that has to be a good thing.

Words are very powerful and we are all here for the same reason.

We all have varied opinions which , i find makes SR great .

You can read into advice and experiences what you need and leave the rest.

I think having people with the same sober time as you to be invaluable ...the classes , jan , feb , March etc as we are experiencing similar symptoms .

Above all , as long as we are not judgemental as people are here to be helped. They are reaching out and maybe at their lowest ebb.

They may be belligerent , confrontational etc but we who are getting well need to understand that .

We were once them .


I liken it to , that as long as someone new comes here for advice , they leave feeling better about themselves and that there is hope .

Then they are more likely to return for more support .

That's how i got well . Because of all of you and not one negative response ;-)

Xx

Grungehead

If you have experience with a topic I see no problem sharing whether you have 2 days or 20 years. When I first found SR I was 2 weeks sober after surviving a nearly life ending 8 year relapse, after being sober for 7 years. You could say that I was in a position where I had some good experience and some bad experience, but either way I had quite a bit of experience to share. From what I remember most of my shares early on consisted of being an example of what can happen, even after years of sobriety, if you don't put your sobriety first.

As time passes I now have more of an upbeat message to share, which just adds another dimension to my experience on this journey "trudging the road of happy destiny".

Climber122

Good topic - I think the key word in "support group" is "support". That means that no matter how long someone has been sober, they can probably relate to you and support you in some way through sharing their experience.

I too have heard of some groups that have invented the idea that newcomers should remain quiet, but this couldn't be farther from the intention of good support. Part of healing involves getting your inner thoughts out there - airing them out. If I were to share in early sobriety in a support group - AA or otherwise - and was told not to share or was cut off because I didn't have enough "time", I would not be back to that group. In fact, we all have the same time sober if we woke up sober this morning.

Nonsensical

I prefer for everyone to tell me everything they know about sobriety and let me determine if it is useful or not. I neither desire nor require person B telling person A not to talk to me about sobriety because person A doesn't have enough sober time yet.

jaynie04

I believe we all have blind spots in our lives that are difficult for us to see (in many areas). I think when we are here and we put issues out there it gives us a chance to enjoy the perspective of others who may be able to see something that we are too close to to see clearly.


The same comment that might not be relevant to me to day could really help me another day. I have often left here and pondered over something that wedged itself in my brain without me even realizing it. I think it is exactly the breadth of what everyone shares that is inspirational and informative.

BSwan09

I think that anyone with any experience should share it. Fortunately I haven't ever relapsed (first time quitting and have made it 2 months), but from what I'm hearing relapse is fairly common.

Heck, just hearing about others who have relapsed have made me more aware of the danger.