YoungAndClean

God I hate feeling trapped by my circumstances. Either way I turn I will suffer either financially, physically or emotionally. 7 months on the water wagon and I am not feeling any choice but to continue down this path of sobriety. I don't want to be an alcoholic and drug addict, I fantasize about IV-heroin use and dream about drinking/using. But I know too much now, AA/NA + my past has ruined any chance I have of rationalizing a relapse. So where does that leave me? Stone-cold sobriety. At 28 years old. Gods will for my life is not making me happy right now, I can't take a day off from this sh!t.

Gal220

Sometimes being sober does suck, especially in the beginning. But that's just because we fantasize about using. We have this romanticized idea about what alcohol or drugs did for us, and we feel we are missing out. But that's not the truth. There is a reason you stopped using, and it probably wasn't because drugs and alcohol were so awesome and beneficial for your life.

Stay the course. It does get better. Thoughts are just thoughts; I don't have to act on them. And if it makes you feel any better, 28 isn't all that young (hmm, maybe that will make you feel worse ). I was 24 when I got sober, and a lot of people on here were even younger, some in their teens. It's never too early or late to live the life you want.

KateL

Yes it will get better and you'll be glad you didn't give in xxxx

Nonsensical

I wish I had got clean at 28.

lisatrying

Young and Clean I know you don't feel like you have a lot of reasons to feel great right now. But its true a lot of us here wish we had changed our ways in our 20's - and seen the light so to speak.

Your brain is going through healing , with time you feel loads of joy about normal things that seem boring now. But it takes time to heal.


Try to romanticise the future, fantasise about the things you can do with the money you will save going forward not being ruled by a substance.

You are at a brilliant age to make a brilliant life for yourself. As we all are, no matter our age.

Dee74

Drinking/using certainly won't make any of that better.

I don't know what your circumstances are but it's usually not true we can't change them - it may involve pain and a little fear, but there's always a way that leads to change and hopefully better times.

Build a life you love - and work on whatever is stopping you from doing that right now YAC

D

jutam

great chance to redefine yourself... and build the life you want. There is a blessing in everyday.. we just have to look for it. There isn't anything great about jumping back on the rollercoaster and self destructing..... its a painful life when the buzz wears off.... keep going, people don't tend to regret their sober time.......

soberlicious

Yep. Stone-cold sobriety is not for sissies. Living life fully present, feeling all the sharp edges, is not for the faint of heart. That makes you a badass, young friend.

True, but now that I am older, I wish I could get back all the time I took "off". The days I wasted being drunk and/or high, which eventually added up to years, are days I can never get back. They are days I can never give back to my children, to my family, to my friends, to my students. As painful as life can be...I'm glad not to waste another second of it.

NYCDoglvr

Congratulations on staying sober! Are you going to meetings, have a sponsor? I also got drink signals and just talking about it, sharing in meetings, kept the monster (craving) at bay. REMEMBER: YOU DON'T HAVE TO DRINK. IT'S ONLY TODAY YOU DON'T DRINK.

YoungAndClean

Thank you all for the support. I think a lot of my problems comes from being unable to stop future-tripping, creating thoughts like "oh the rest of my life is too long to be sober." One day at a time is a good thing but it's hard because in the back of my head I know that whether I drink tomorrow or 5 years from now, to drink is to die. I suppose I'm still mourning my old way of life. As terrible as it was, it was what I knew to get me through the monotonous days of discontent. But I didn't drink yesterday so thank you SR.

soberlicious

Future-tripping is classic Addictive Voice. Planting the seeds of possible future drinking/using is its job! and it takes its job seriously. Here's the thing though, you don't have to take its job seriously. You actually are able to stop the future-tripping and a way to start stopping it is to recognize what is going on. Separate from those thoughts, assign them as "not you". I've used this strategy and it's worked for me. The same way I wouldn't be duped by a charleton in real life, nor am I duped by the lies of the Addictive Voice. I can look at those thoughts objectively and say "I see what what's going on. Not gonna work, pal. Back it on up" This concept/idea/strategy struck me when I read about the Buddha and Mara, but Rational Recovery uses a similar technique.

jdooner

Sounds like your white knuckling and not wanting to be sober more than drunk and high. I mean no offense but it sort of sounds like the beginnings of rationalizing a relapse.

It looks like you are involved in AA and NA have you completed or started the steps?

I am 6 months and have thoughts but no desire to ever go back to that life. I don;t romance the ideas, although I do get them. I do think about could I ever return and then I think it through and wonder why I am thinking this and realize its my addiction.

For me when I get this way I try to strengthen my program. Do you meditate? I have found the most significant changes through meditation and exercise.

Remember you are not your thoughts. This means you do not need to act on them.