tomsteve

look at the positives about this: yer being open about it, yer reading what others are sayin about it and yer seeing anger isn't unique, that the anger is damaging you, and that there is a solution, and a solution that seems to make sense to ya!!

when I got into AA, after the fog lifted, I had SERIOUS anger "issues." when doin the 4th step, I saw anger and resentment controlled my whole life and I knew I couldn't wish it away. I had to do something about it. so I continued with the steps and trudged, putting trust in the program and fellowship that I would learn all about the anger( which turned out that It all stemmed from the many faces of fear) and how to deal with it.

it worked pretty good.
I still have it as a defect/shortcoming, but today I have a solution fo rit.

MamaGoat

I use AA for experience, strength and hope. And it gives me a chance to do the 12th step. It is not the AA program and alone will not keep me from drinking. I need a power greater than myself to do that. I can tap into that by working the steps as outlined in the Big Book. I need to get out of myself and realize I am not the center of the universe. So I agree with your sponsor...read the big book. or at least spend some time learning about the steps. I am saying all of this to myself also. I had a anger bought myself this morning. I realized I need to go right back to step 2. I listened to this and found it very helpful.
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!

((((((goat hugs!)))))))))

freethinking

Thanks, MG. My oldest is getting home from school now, but I will check out your link later tonight when the kiddies are all in bed.

Day went progressively better. Took the advice and channeled that anger into getting some stuff done around the house. Not all problems solved, but I feel a bit lighter.

(Well, no - actually lighter is the wrong word. I discovered today that I gained 4lbs in the last 3 weeks. Pretty p*ssed about that...everyone else seems to lose weight once they quit. Grrrrr.)

Gal220

I gained 40lbs over the first three years of sobriety, and I was already overweight to begin with. *sigh* I definitely substituted food for alcohol. My husband ate sweets obsessively for years; he's just barely getting over that, more for my sake than his. So now I'm trying to conquer that. Maybe one day I will be free of compulsions. It seems like too much to hope for. There were three female newcomers at the meeting last night who looked like they just stepped out of an Abercrombie and Fitch advert. I'm sure I was just projecting my own insecurities, but as I was giving them my number I wondered whether I even look like someone who has anything to offer about staying sober since I'm so fat. Oh well.

But anyway, it seems like most people on here eventually level out. I wouldn't worry.

freethinking

Really? I'm sorry you felt that way. I think as a newcomer I can safely say that I could care less if someone is overweight - if they know how to not drink, I want to talk to them!

But yeah, I never ate when I was drinking. Now, I eat sweets all the time. I'm going to have to keep an eye on this.

GracieLou

I get it, I so do. I was so angry when I quit. All the anger and resentments were sitting there waiting for me and I did not know how to deal with them because I had always drank them away and drank myself into justifying them.

I had the anger for so long and it was mine and no one, I mean no one was going to take it away from me, it was MINE. I had earned it and I believed it was justified on every level.

The only way I was able to get rid of it was to talk to others about it and work the steps. Once I could see my part, which was not an easy thing to do, I could let go of it.

In some of the cases my part was just the simple fact that I held on to the resentment. I played no part in the action that caused it but I did keep it alive by re-playing it and justifying it every chance I got. I also used it to justify my actions. "I did this but it was because of that" was my biggest problem. Once I could see that many of the choices I made in my life were due to my feelings about the anger I had, I could see clearly that I did play a part in many things in my life.

Reading the BB helped me a great deal but reading it alone did nothing for me. I started going to a BB meeting and that made a huge difference in my recovery. Also reading it with my sponsor so she could explain parts that I did not understand. I also had to be willing to say "I don't understand". That was something I was not used to.

This was/is me too.

I am no neat freak by any means but if to many things get out of place it bothers me. When I was drinking it did as well but I just didn't care all that much. But work was always spot on until the last year or so. I did not realize it suffered as bad as it did until I stopped drinking.

I have this same issue with my sobriety and spirituality. When things seem out of place I get frustrated. I still have the "I want what I want and I want it now" syndrome. Patience is something I am learning, slowly!

I have to remind myself, sometimes on a daily basis, it is a journey, not a race.

Jeni26

Funny how we're all different yet the same underneath. I used to think I was the least angry person EVER...I mean I have never lost my temper, I'm reasonable with people, I listen and I don't jump to conclusions. Fear was my number one offender. I knew that. And I worked/am working hard to overcome that. Nope..not anger. Not me.

But then, just recently, I've started getting this feeling of simmering resentment...then it did more than just simmer..it grew until one day I had a full face to face row with my H. Think it shocked him, but he argued back and we had a row. Dunno who was more shocked. My daughter came downstairs, and thought we were joking!

I thought I was losing the plot a bit, but in talking it over with my sponsor it would seem that this anger is just my fear in another form..it is insidious...masquerading as something new, but the same old face underneath it all. Sigh.

dax501

I've read all the posts here, and am taking a lot of it to heart. I just wanted to say that the rage feelings is one of the things that triggered me to drink in the first place so I understand. And just about 10 minutes ago (into day 2) I absolutely lost my mind with rage because of something toddlery my 3yr old did. I was panicking over how to deal with this irrational anger and then I remembered reading this thread last night, so hopped online while hiding in the bathroom. It seems that anger is something people expect men to feel and not women, so I feel guilty on top of angry and try to hide it. Going to start looking at what fears my anger is hiding. Chins up!

freethinking

Thanks for sharing this. Believe it or not, you helped me with your post here.

I am the angriest person I know, man or woman. People have often asked me "Why are you so angry?". At this point, I have little to no idea. I mean I know what specific things annoy/anger me, but I don't know what overall makes me a generally angry person. What I do know is eventually, it usually keeps me from staying sober. I share my anger here because it is a form of release for me. Sure, it opens me up to criticism, but most are helpful when they reply. On*good* days, I try and absorb those responses and try not to let the judgemental responses frustrate me too much.

doggonecarl

I firmly believe that if your addiction figures out what makes you break (your sobriety) then you can expect to be overwhelmed by the very triggers you find most difficult to deal with.

Take drinking completely off the table as an eventual reaction to your anger. It will fizzle away.

freethinking

Hmmm. That made me think (seriously).

lisatrying

I actually think that anger is normal and healthy. But as women we are made to feel by society that we shouldn't be angry. Hell to that I say. If a man gets angry he is a man, if a woman gets angry she is !@#$%.

All the other comments above are really good, and anger and fear can be linked for sure. But we all know however we feel, a drink won't help. It will numb and surpress for a short time, but not long.

Johno1967

Its normal to be angry. Its part of the response process that we go through when we don't get what we want or we lose something. The problem is that too much anger all the time and for reasons that are not reasonable are a sign of a deeper issue.
For me feeling angry and resentful was myself projecting my own faults and failures on others. Believing that whatever was wrong today, was going to go bad tomorrow or had gone wrong in the past including my screwed up childhood was someone else's fault. I was the victim. So I stayed p*ssed off, kept a short fuse, stoked my resentments, wallowed in self pity and slowly ruined my mental, physical and spiritual health by allowing anger to run my life and by feeding it with alcohol.
So like alcohol, I no longer allow anger to run my life and I choose how to respond. I still get angry but less acutely so, more annoyed than angry but choose how to deal with that emotion. As the BB says its a dubious luxury for some but for me its poison. How did I do it? I forgave the drunken father who beat me, the cancer that stole my Mum when I was 7, the years I spent in church and state run care, the Army that made a beast out of me and every person who has ever let me down, cursed, beat, cheated, lied to, stole, fired or otherwise made life unpleasant or hell for me, most of all I've forgiven myself for all that I did to myself and others and have sought to make ammends. Surrender, let go and stop fighting, try to live in the Now, monitor thoughts and feelings and let the ones go that don't serve a higher purpose.
I marvel how some people can go through the day with complete equanimity despite what happens to them and God willing I one day find that level of emotional sobriety and spiritual maturity to have that level of peace of mind and serenity. Its possible and so much a better place to be than in perpetual anger.

ChiefBromden

I am totally unfamiliar with "anger". Although for some reason my friends call me "rageboy". Weird eh!

I must say though that after 20 months sober, my anger has mostly gone, or has been redirected to more productive feelings and actions.

I happen to be reading about habit forming, and about keystone habits. In short, doing something small but consistently might trigger a lot of other changes in your attitude. Something silly like never leaving the house without making up the beds, or walking the dog every time you feel angry, or even noting the anger level in a spreadsheet, can be a "small win". As can playing an instrument for 15 minutes a day.

Apparently, we humans thrive on "small wins", and when we do them consistently, we unknowingly change other habits too for the better. If you keep it up, improving your life in such a small way becomes a habit itself. And I suppose many of us have shown being pretty good at forming habits...

If this sounds a bit vague, I'll give you a reference to the book I'm currently reading. It's not just fluffy stuff though: most major companies know that by changing small keystone habits they can turn their staff (and thus their company) around.

Does that concept of "small wins" appeal to you? I personally am a born skeptic, but it seems to work for me.

tonigel

Sometimes we have to go backwards to move forwards. Might take a bit of courage, but if you really don't feel like dealing with it, then you probably really need to deal with it.