Turninganewleaf

I just couldn't do it guys. I was on my way to a AA speaker meeting and ended up at a seedy bar. I got so drunk last night. I do not know where my car is. It may have been stolen, got towed or I may have forgot where I parked it. Why do I do this to myself? Why am I such a screw up?

doggonecarl

Sorry that you continue to struggle.

I don't know. You don't know. Would the answer keep you sober? But you said something in a post yesterday that may explain why:

"Accountability in recovery is something that many struggle to grasp."

Time to be accountable to yourself.

matt4x4

I went to meetings sober, left the meeting and immediately after got drunk.

I drank before the meeting. I drank inside the meeting.

Why do I drink? I am an alcoholic, thats what I do. I drink to change the way I feel. I lost my vehicle many many times, sometimes I found it, other times I did not. Sometimes it was towed to the city impound. The last time that happened, it was parked outside a bar in a small strip mall for a good month or 2. Right at the front door. I went looking for it everywhere, stole a bicycle to try and find it quicker. Once I found it, outside a bar I rarely go to, I went inside and got drunk and drove. And proceeded to drink on and on and on. I find in situations like what you talk about, if I just keep walking on past, or change my route to avoid liquor stores and bars and people, places and things, in the beginning it helped. I had to hang with the "Winners", which are people in AA. I phoned when I was in trouble. I picked up that 100 pound phone and called. It was a matter of life and death. Some are high bottom drunks, others like me are low bottom drunks. I am a convict!!!! I am an alcoholic!!!!! I drive into the gutter, literally when I drink, and I stay there.

robgt350

wow,, that is a difficult situation. i did that with my glasses once, found them on my bathroom floor

Turninganewleaf

I know I didn't drive (I would have) because I lost my keys. I am going to have to ride my bike around (it's 20 degrees) until I find it.

Recovery1983

Call the Non-emergency police hotline. If your car was towed, tow truck companies have to report it. They'll let you know if it's towed. If not, I guess you'll have to go ride your bike around until you find it. I hope you find it.

tomsteve

im gonna be blunt. remember this part of a reply of yours on another thread?

" After close to a dozen rehabs and hundreds of AA meetings I've discovered that the disease concept will lead me to a bottle. Accountability in recovery is something that many struggle to grasp. The disease concept can get in the way of that. "

now, ya got drunk again and I hope ya don't blame the diasease concept. it has nothing to do with it.
maybe you haven't decided to go to any length for victory over alcohol?

rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.

SoulSister

"Why does he behave like this? If hundreds of experiences have shown him that one drink means another debacle with all its attendant suffering and humiliation, why is it he takes that one drink? Why can’t he stay on the water wagon? What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?

Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. Opinions vary considerably as to why the alcoholic reacts differently from normal people. We are not sure why, once a certain point is reached, little can be done for him. We cannot answer the riddle."

There Is A Solution, Chapter 2, Alcoholics Anonymous

Seek the solution

Johno1967

I agree with Tom. I never found myself having a beer in a seedy bar by accident. There was an intent to be there and get drunk. Consequences follow our actions.

MrTumble

I lost my pushbike once, well last year. Rode it to a party, don't know how I got home, but it wasn't on the bicycle.

never found it, I'm still ******* off about that.

LadyinBC

Me too, I did it many times. I did it because I wasn't ready or willing to give up the drinking at that point.

least

I hope that will be your last drunk.

MamaGoat

Do you have a cell phone? Next time call someone in recovery BEFORE you pick up that first drink. I know it's hard but that is what you need to do. Also, you may need to take another route so you don't pass any bars or liquor stores. Or have someone pick you up.
Just some ideas. I am sorry you are going through this. I am glad you are home safe
(((hugs))))

bigsombrero

Like Tom & Carl, I've noticed that you've been quite argumentative about all this disease vs. condition stuff lately. Wagging your finger a lot. At this point, it might be best to stop worrying about all the details and do what works for you. Don't worry about becoming an expert. Get off the lecture circuit, and back in the audience. Just get sober.

I thought I had it all figured out until an N/A-style treatment counselor got in my face and pointed out that I didn't know jack. I had to go to the font of the class and draw it up on the blackboard and everything. That slice of humble pie was the dose of reality that I needed. Perhaps some rather tough, no-frills counseling will work for you.

Very sorry to hear about the relapse and the car - hope that all works out for you and that you keep coming back and keep working on getting things straight. Thanks for sharing this with everyone also.

KateL

I hope you find your car. Give it another go and forgive yourself, you know you can. Hugs xxx

BigCountry12

When I was drinking sometimes I could track where I was by pending charges on my credit card, check your account and check all the places you were last night. Im a drunk so I'm not gonna lecture you. I hope you find your car and more importantly your sobriety. Keep fighting the good fight.

Turninganewleaf

I found my car but it had 2 parking tickets on it. I bought beer to drink today but am feeling too ill to drink. I took extra anxiety meds and am feeling a little better. I will never be able to get sober. I'm a total failure of a human being.

JustODAAT

You are not a failure because you are still a work in progress. You are in a tough period, but there is still hope for you, we all have hope and support for you here. Just set a goal for yourself to stay sober for the next 24 hours, just do that and concentrate on that. I believe that you can do it.

robgt350

good you found your car. and you bought beer to celebrate. Gee i sorry to say, i laughed when i read this post. you lost your car, keys, and sort of afraid to see what happened to it. and you bought beer to party up.

least

Only if you give up have you failed. Don't give up.