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10 beers yesterday , 8 today

Old 02-16-2014, 02:27 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Hi, when I was drinking I was in this pattern unconsciously. I'd drink, go without, drink again and so on. For years. My whole life was built around it. I never wanted to stop or really tried.
Then one day I did something crazy and I said I can't keep drinking. I sopped.

Then I suffered. Weeks of anxiety, pain, turmoil. Then I realised- I'm not in control. I'm hooked.
I have been lucky to be exposed to the extent of my alcoholism at the same time I decided to quit. I'm in a kind of self reinforcing loop at the moment. The worse I feel the bigger a hold alcohol had on me.

I imagine if I slipped and was consciously unable to stop then I would find that very difficult. You have my love, sympathy and best wishes.
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Old 02-16-2014, 06:40 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I'm about burned out drinking again , tired of it already
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Old 02-16-2014, 07:38 AM
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My insanity while drinking was that I knew booze made life hell, but I kept finding myself at the bottom of a bottle.
I remember when I had a sober spell, I used to tell myself how awesome I felt. Then, right back to the poison.
I have managed to string together 271 days. Couldn't have done it without AA. Not telling you what to do, just telling you what works for me.
One day at a time.
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Old 02-16-2014, 08:01 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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As crazy as this sounds , drinking is not disrupting my life like it did before .

I'm actually more concerned with the health effects and cost now .

Drinking would move to a point of life disruption , if left unchecked though

So it's time to check it -again
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Old 02-16-2014, 08:19 AM
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Originally Posted by karate View Post
Can't keep a sober string going .

Damn it .

Does life suck so bad we can't face it sober ?
Mine does not .

But still drink , don't understand it .
Staying sober is not about life sucking or not, imo. Life can suck either way drunk or sober it seems to me anyways. What is for sure is life sucked for me when drinking and being drunk because it was impossible for me to understand how something so good could hurt so bad. As a drinking alcoholic, alcohol just kept giving me less and less back and taking more and more out of me. That of course sucked. Before my last quit, sobriety looked to me like a stupid alternative to being drunk. I completely wanted all the good feelings that came with drinking and none of the bad - how dumb was I?, lol. Dumb enough to keep trying for different results while doing the same thing. Crazy times. Most of us guys have seen a dog lick up his own vomit. Trying to understand what that dog was doing makes as much sense as my trying to understand why moderation in drinking doesn't suck for air. I went back to my drunken drinking just like that dog. A couple of beer? I don't think so. Never enough. I just refused to see I was moderating nothing. I was really just playing with fire thinking I had something to moderate, lol. I had shitt. Nowadays, the only satisfaction I get out of being alcoholic is in not drinking anymore. Quitting has satisfied me on more levels in more ways than drinking ever did, and that's saying a lot because back in my day drinking was worth dying for, and I almost got to where I was headed. I quit for good though at the very end (its always at the end of course, lol) and how awesome is that?

I suggest quitting works best when we stay quit. We can howl at the moon as much as we want about this, that, and the other thing, and when our echoes fade into the night all we have is what we got. When it comes to alcohol, less is more and none is best.

You'll quit eventually, Karate. Change up your game, move the goal posts, make new rules, whatever it takes.
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Old 02-16-2014, 08:24 AM
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Originally Posted by karate View Post
As crazy as this sounds , drinking is not disrupting my life like it did before .

I'm actually more concerned with the health effects and cost now .

Drinking would move to a point of life disruption , if left unchecked though

So it's time to check it -again
Yeah, sounds crazy to me. There was a time though, when I was drinking that it would have made real sense, lol.

Good to hear its time to check your drinking.
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Old 02-16-2014, 09:47 AM
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Drinking my pay checks away, sucks. Ending up in the hospital due to drinking, sucks. Going to the penitentiary, sucks. Crippling someone else or myself, or killing someone because of the drink, sucks.

Living a happy and sober life, free of alcohol is not that bad. The brain is just making excuses for you to drink, which is normal. The brain wants you to drink, its the alcoholic mind.
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Old 02-16-2014, 10:02 AM
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Originally Posted by karate View Post
I'm about burned out drinking again , tired of it already
Today, maybe. But down the road? You do nothing to deal with the eventuality of drinking. You think you do. But you don't. And you drink.
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Old 02-16-2014, 10:05 AM
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Let everyone here be an inspiration to you. We all have the same addiction -- it's not anything but hellishly, brutally, horrifically difficult for every single one of us. It has never been easy; if it was, we wouldn't be here.

I just come to this forum when I'm feeling daunted by all of it and look at all these people, trying SO hard, never giving up, coming back again and again and think simply this -- if they can do it, so can I.

And so can you.
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Old 02-16-2014, 10:10 AM
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Call it an insurance program. If I put the work in, keeping paying the monthly fee's it will be worth it, because when the time comes, and it will always come, that one time in a million when the thought comes to mind to drink, or that drink is pushed in front of you, or that coke/dessert/chocolate/entre that you ordered has booze in it. How well did I work it?
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Old 02-16-2014, 10:28 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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You're not a young pup, you have a lot of life experience. Why do you need to understand it? There's plenty of stuff in life I don't understand, I just accept it for the truth that I have available to work with and go from there. Surely you've had the same experience in other situations? This can be hard sometimes, easy other times.

Above is my take on it, others may disagree.

I wish you well, Karate.

FG
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Old 02-16-2014, 11:23 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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I really hope you can see that you deserve better for yourself - and that you will become ill if you continue on this path. It's a known outcome. Stopping for good - one day at a time - is the best choice!
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Old 02-16-2014, 01:23 PM
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Why do we drink?

We like the effects produced by alcohol.

It changes how we feel.

It also harms us and others.

When the harm outweighs the payoff...

When we fully realize that we are killing ourselves with booze...

When we are able to realize the horrible abuse that we instill on those that love us...

We become willing to seek whatever we can that will solve our problem.

Some of us cannot solve our own problem. We need help.

This help may come in many forms.

Turn to a source of help and take action to change.

Being stuck in a pattern of guilt and relapse can continue for years.
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Old 02-16-2014, 01:50 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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"As crazy as this sounds , drinking is not disrupting my life like it did before ."
yet

"I'm about burned out drinking again , tired of it already "
reads like it is disrupting yer life on this end.
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Old 02-16-2014, 03:06 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I think Big S is onto something Karate.

There's no shame in admitting this thing has you beat.

there's no shame in admitting you can't do this on your own.

There's no shame in looking for, or reaching out for help.

I know because I did all three things, and I saved my life.

I still consider them three of the most manliest things I ever did.

D
One of the best posts I read lately, because I think it's true. It was for a knowitall self-reliant overly proud sob like me.

Letting other people give me help probably saved my life.
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Old 02-17-2014, 05:13 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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You can do it Karate, keep trying.xx
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Old 02-17-2014, 05:47 AM
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Originally Posted by karate View Post
As crazy as this sounds , drinking is not disrupting my life like it did before .

I'm actually more concerned with the health effects and cost now .

Drinking would move to a point of life disruption , if left unchecked though

So it's time to check it -again

You appear to still be still negotiating, I didn't find success until I stopped negotiating. I weaved in and out of "controlling" my drinking for years, as long as I fought tooth and nail to keep it "in check" I didn't lose control, sooner or later I always did though. Not sure what losing control means to you, but for me one bad night could result in my losing everything I care about. That's a hell of a thing to gamble over the little bit of pleasure alcohol afforded me, which after darn near 4 months without it I realize was nothing more than a place to hide for a few hours. I'm not all better now, but I'm getting better at facing what made me need to escape before.
I'm glad you're still here, you strike me as a guy with enough tenacity to get it done. And I'm sure you will.

P.S. I've mentioned it before, but training is SO much better after a good stretch of sobriety. It's made a huge difference to my focus, energy and endurance.
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Old 02-17-2014, 08:37 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by karate View Post
As crazy as this sounds , drinking is not disrupting my life like it did before .
That's because you've only been drinking for about 48 hours. It will disrupt your life again if you keep it up long enough.

You need to find a plan other than White-Knuckling every day Karate. I know that's been suggested to you probably dozens of times, but it's obvious you cannot do this alone. Read back through your posts over the months and notice the pattern.

I don't know what method or plan you might use, but you have to do something. Otherwise nothing will change. I wish you the best of luck, but it's going to take more than luck - it will take action on your part. It will also take the admission that you cannot do it without help.
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