Still trying to quit, recent 4 day relapse bender
Sorensen
I used to travel for work with a team of people who loved to gather after work to drink, eat dinner, and then drink some more. At the risk of being perceived as "standoffish" I couldn't put myself in that kind of situation night after night, and I had several years sober at the time. Boredom and loneliness are real feelings to have to cope with while working away from home. But I wanted to stay sober so I did what I had to do to accomplish that. If I went out to eat with the crew I left after dinner and did not hang around and watch them drink. When I got back to the hotel I kept my mind busy with paperwork, TV, surfing the net, taking a walk, if the hotel had a gym or pool I would use them, and my favorite, going out for an ice cream before bed kind of as a reward for making it through another day sober (I was a McFlurry junkie).
Getting sober is hard, but in my experience it only gets harder the longer you wait. I first got sober when I was 29 and I have put a lot of sober years together since then. But I have also had a couple of horrific relapses, and it has gotten exponentially more difficult to get sober each time. I guess my point is that it will never get any easier to get sober than it is right now.
I used to travel for work with a team of people who loved to gather after work to drink, eat dinner, and then drink some more. At the risk of being perceived as "standoffish" I couldn't put myself in that kind of situation night after night, and I had several years sober at the time. Boredom and loneliness are real feelings to have to cope with while working away from home. But I wanted to stay sober so I did what I had to do to accomplish that. If I went out to eat with the crew I left after dinner and did not hang around and watch them drink. When I got back to the hotel I kept my mind busy with paperwork, TV, surfing the net, taking a walk, if the hotel had a gym or pool I would use them, and my favorite, going out for an ice cream before bed kind of as a reward for making it through another day sober (I was a McFlurry junkie).
Getting sober is hard, but in my experience it only gets harder the longer you wait. I first got sober when I was 29 and I have put a lot of sober years together since then. But I have also had a couple of horrific relapses, and it has gotten exponentially more difficult to get sober each time. I guess my point is that it will never get any easier to get sober than it is right now.
Giving up your old way of life for a fresh start doesn't look all that bad from my way of thinking...... I don't know much about the rehabs, but I'm sure they wouldn't refuse you. Maybe someone else in our SR family has more info?
Rehab is for people that cannot stop drinking to save their lives, I am not drinking tonight, and I went 9 days sober before I got bored and decided to get wasted 4 nights in a row.
I don't intend to give up my job making 100 k a year for a stint in rehab. I have considered changing other things in my life that trigger these "episodes"
I don't intend to give up my job making 100 k a year for a stint in rehab. I have considered changing other things in my life that trigger these "episodes"
I think almost everyone thinks this, and it's very rarely true. If alcohol is ruining your life, and you can't quit drinking without it, rehab might be something to consider. I didn't go to rehab, but if I had kept drinking, I would have lost everything in my life anyway. Not saying you need it, but that you shouldn't discount it so easily. Many places also have outpatient treatment. You might be able to get help for an hour a two a day or a couple of times a week. And if you have such a great job, you can just claim FMLA and take a medical leave. You don't even have to tell your superiors what your medical condition is.
So as long as you can stay sober for one day, you are good? You don't obsess about drinking and will never take another drink?
I'm sorry, I don't mean to be glib. I think you may be confusing rehab with detox. Rehab is for anyone having trouble staying sober. Detox is for people who consume amounts of alcohol so high or have consumed it for so long that stopping is dangerous for their health. Not all alcoholics consume this much or are physically dependent on alcohol. I never had withdrawal symptoms, but I'm still an alcoholic, and I needed help to quit.
If I remember right, you said you are young. I was 24 when I quit drinking, and had only been drinking for 3 years, and only in spurts of three or four months at a time. I know how hard it is when you're young to really realize you're in trouble and commit to staying sober. But I can tell you from experience that life on the sober side is so much better, regardless of age. I am extremely grateful I didn't waste decades on drinking. Everyone keeps telling me your 30s are awesome, and I'm looking forward to that.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to be glib. I think you may be confusing rehab with detox. Rehab is for anyone having trouble staying sober. Detox is for people who consume amounts of alcohol so high or have consumed it for so long that stopping is dangerous for their health. Not all alcoholics consume this much or are physically dependent on alcohol. I never had withdrawal symptoms, but I'm still an alcoholic, and I needed help to quit.
If I remember right, you said you are young. I was 24 when I quit drinking, and had only been drinking for 3 years, and only in spurts of three or four months at a time. I know how hard it is when you're young to really realize you're in trouble and commit to staying sober. But I can tell you from experience that life on the sober side is so much better, regardless of age. I am extremely grateful I didn't waste decades on drinking. Everyone keeps telling me your 30s are awesome, and I'm looking forward to that.
I can't comment on rehab - never been - but if you're drinking clearly your current plan needs work Sorensen - not being mean, just shooting straight.
Obviously AA's not a real starter for you - what about one of the secular approaches, SMART, LifeRing, SOS, Rational Recovery?
D
Obviously AA's not a real starter for you - what about one of the secular approaches, SMART, LifeRing, SOS, Rational Recovery?
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 2
Dude, I was in your position at 27. I could go weeks but I always went back. I kept thinking I could change. Never happened. I finally said 11 days ago, I can't do this any longer. I am 52. I wasted so much time. I ruined so many relationships. I went to my first meeting, I went to another. I read the Big Book. It finally hit me, I'm an alcoholic and I cannot stop on my own. I need all the help I can get, so do many others. I cannot trust myself, I still feel sick. I have gone 30 days in the last year. Time doesn't matter. Somehow you will find a reason to have that first drink. Then you are back. It doesn't end. We are sick. I love how you drink beer, me too. I thought beer drinkers were not alcoholics. Oh yes we are. Take it seriously or keep drinking. I would do everything you can to stop. And never, never go back. The longer you wait the more painful the regrets.
J
J
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 321
Don't know what doesn't work until you try it. My $.02 is to commit to a program, and to the people in that program. Today. Doesn't matter what program, whether it is AA or SMART or another approach. Do something that makes you feel like you're taking responsibility for your sobriety. Throw all of your willpower into it. Make sobriety your life. If you fail, if what you were doing fails, then try something like AA that you are resistant to.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 115
Its great that you wrote out a list.
Keep it with you and read it every day.
I did the same sort of thing - I wrote two lists titled reasons to drink and reasons not to drink. I surprised the heck out of myself with how many reasons not to drink I found, and I kept adding to the list over a few weeks whenever I thought of something new. I also was surprised by how few reasons I could find to keep drinking.
Keeping those reasons uppermost in my mind really helped me in the first few weeks and months. Hopefully it will help you a lot also.
I used to travel constantly for work also. That is challenging. Maybe write a list of things to do after work other than drink as well.
Keep it with you and read it every day.
I did the same sort of thing - I wrote two lists titled reasons to drink and reasons not to drink. I surprised the heck out of myself with how many reasons not to drink I found, and I kept adding to the list over a few weeks whenever I thought of something new. I also was surprised by how few reasons I could find to keep drinking.
Keeping those reasons uppermost in my mind really helped me in the first few weeks and months. Hopefully it will help you a lot also.
I used to travel constantly for work also. That is challenging. Maybe write a list of things to do after work other than drink as well.
Morning Sorensen, just on a side note from another Oiler's fan, are you on the "How Lowe Can We Go" bandwagon? Not sure where your current project has you, but if you ever find yourself in the Lloydminster area, give me a shout, I'd drive over and go for a coffee with you.....
Morning Sorensen, just on a side note from another Oiler's fan, are you on the "How Lowe Can We Go" bandwagon? Not sure where your current project has you, but if you ever find yourself in the Lloydminster area, give me a shout, I'd drive over and go for a coffee with you.....
I may end up in Lloyd one day for work, I accept your invitation if I am in the area, I appreciate it.
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Palisade Colorado
Posts: 27
Sorensen, I'm a newcomer to the forum, but I think I can relate to all that you've said. I didn't start drinking until I was 21 and now I'm 27. I understand exactly what you mean about losing a 100k job, even though mine only nets 35k a year. For me, that's pure gold. I'm afraid to lose my job because of rehab.
The one thing that's different between you and me is that you actually realize that the drinking is becoming a problem. I did not and continued drinking through my 30s and then into my early 40s. I got to the point where I HAD to drink just to feel normal. I didn't even get hangovers anymore, I started getting full blown withdrawals.
You are a smart guy. Sure you have an ego, but you also have the power to change it. You can still work hard and play hard without drinking...and you will thank yourself for doing so down the road, I can absolutely guarantee you that.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: North US
Posts: 174
I would avoid the rehab rout. You could be judged and even fired for being an alcoholic. At a 100,000 a year salary that would be a huge loss. I always associated rehab with street type folks or low bottom alcoholics and drug addicts. Which clearly, you are not.
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