LadyBlue0527

I've gathered many little tips on this board that have assisted my success greatly so when I think of one I like to pass it along. I have to credit GracieLou for prompting me as it's one of her posts in another thread that made me think of it.

All that I have to do on a daily basis is to remain sober and work on me. Whenever I am thinking about other people's situations and things that I don't like that they do it takes me a bit to realize that this thought pattern is not at all helpful in sobriety.

About month 2 or so I developed a little task when I began to think this way. If I'm alone I verbalize it out loud and if I'm around others I simply think it.

The words are "Not my problem!"

I've found that when I repeat those words outwardly or to myself it removes the thought pattern. It also is a feeling of relief. I'm actually surprised how often I used to think that way, probably because thinking in that manner led to creating excuses to drink.

Try it next time, you'll see what I mean It relieves the pressure and stress almost immediately.

Edited to add that by the above I am referring to people in your daily life. For instance, my husband has some habits that I don't care for and they irritate me. That's because I let them. After 15 years he isn't going to change so this is the way that I've dealt with it. It works.

bigsombrero

Wow, I just tried saying it out loud per your suggestion, and immediately felt some relief. Great tip, thank you!

LadyBlue0527

It's kind of strange how empowering speaking those words is. You're actively giving yourself permission to realize that you don't need to stress about it. It works.

IOAA2

For me an old timer in Al Anon said that when in a personal head to head to say "Maybe he's/she's right." Helps me a lot when I'm in certain modes.

BE WELL

LadyBlue0527

Do that too! If someone is trying to tell me something that I don't think is right I do what I see as looking deeper. I analyze why I don't think they're right. More along the lines of questioning if it's because how I feel is solid or is it because I don't like what I'm hearing and don't want to be accountable.

I also wanted to say that the "not my problem" isn't referring to not having care or concern for people. I guess to put it plainly my husband is a video game addict. Most people think that's funny. Believe me, it is an addiction. He won't admit it and we have had issues. If I've told you how many games he's hidden and brought in the house how familiar does that sound? Worse that I have done nothing to make him think that he needs to hide them nor ever nagged him about it. I have simply told him that someone that spends almost every waking moment playing video games should consider if it's an addiction. Then comes the denial. Don't I know that one well too. I have come to terms with this because it's not my problem. Only he can fix it. All that I can do is work on me.

Just an example of what I meant.

GracieLou

Along the same lines…

"Its none of my business" works for me. I say that quote to myself quite often.

When I find myself wondering over to other peoples lives that means I am trying to project myself and that means I am trying to control. Either the person, the situation, the outcome or God forbid, I have started a scenario. When I do this I usually become angry and frustrated and those feelings are my immediate trigger that I am doing something wrong, not the other person, me.

Once I can say, none of my business, I too feel relief. Many times I found that I have let go and let God in my life but I was not so willing to do that when it came to others. I still felt that I had some control or that my actions could create a better outcome for them. I had to turn them over to the care of God as well.

grtgrandpa

My wife often says, "not on my side of the street"

I say, "they have a higher power and it is not me"

AA says restraint of tongue and pen

pause and reflect or no comment

and the problem with the English language is too many words with different connotation........

thanks for the thread

newhope01

What a great suggestion! During this whole wedding planning process I've become to notice how a lot of people are rearing their ugly heads. Its amazing how everyone says its your day and to do what you want but then complain about the decisions you make.

I'm also letting people's actions and behaviors get to me when I really shouldn't. I keep taking it personal and feed my low self-esteem. I think realizing that its not my problem will really help. Next time these negative thoughts enter my mind, I'm going to say it aloud, "not my problem!"

matt4x4

I try to get out of myself, and help other people. Selfishness self centeredness is a huge problem.

Jade1224

My ex was like this. I was with him for seven years. He never went outside if he didn't have to. Just played video games and drank beer. Wasn't motivated to do anything else. It's a real addiction.

least

Impurrfect says this all the time: NMP!! I've learned to deal with my own crap and leave others to theirs.

Threshold

A few years ago a room mate of mine taught me his version of this.

I don't have a dog in that fight"

I have adopted that and wow, what a freeing realization it is!

Thanks for sharing this!

bcboy

Good thread.

I have used the "not my problem" many times. as well the good old "it is what it is"

I find that in times when one feels like a giant sail against a large wind saying the above turns my direction so that I am no longer fighting against, but rather just going with the flow.

All good stuff for sure.