munchkin05

See someone, work with someone on a daily basis and think "this person is DEFINITELY an alcoholic?"
I work with a few people (downsized from my old job in Maryland) and at least one of them I could almost SWEAR has some sort of addiction.
She definitely is battling depression, that I know but there are other bits there too and since I know all too well what addiction looks like it just fits.
She comes in late, sleeps in a lot, feeling sick in the mornings, sleeps at her desk throughout the day, by 3p to 5p she's perked up and moving.
Next day wash, rinse, repeat.
Just reminds me SOOOO much of my drinking days. Only difference? I was a high functioning drunk. Her, not so much I think.
DH & I keep talking about it and we both think she's addicted to something.
If its the case I know there isn't too much I can do about it. After all, can't do anything about my Mom either (she's a long time functioning alcoholic)
I feel bad for my coworker but I know there isn't much I can do for her. She has to pick herself up somewhat (if that is what is really going on that is)

Gal220

Yeah, it's sad to see someone struggling like that. If I know the person, and it would be within the scope of our relationship, I might ask how they are doing. They might open up. I have no problem admitting my own struggles if it will help someone else. But I know when I was in that person's position, I was not likely to take anyone's advice or help. It's also possible that this person's depression is just seriously in overdrive. Depression messes with a person's circadian cycle (sleep/awake). So it is entirely possible that the depression starts to let up in the afternoon. That is actually very common. For me, mornings, evenings, and night time are the worst. I can usually function pretty normally in the afternoons. It's almost like a "second-wind" when you're exhausted.

ScottFromWI

I definitely notice some that look that way a lot more now that I'm sober. But as we all know too well, there's nothing we can do about it..they have to want to change themselves. I would NEVER approach or confront someone though, it would be highly unprofessional for one and it's entirely possible they aren't even drinkers, I don't know for sure.

tomsteve

that coworker could be one who is just waiting for someone to reach out to her.

Climber122

Most addicts/alcoholics (including me) only accept help when we are pretty well beaten down - DUIs, courts, hospitals, severe physical and/or mental illness - and even then only some of us will reach out.

I really try to respect people's autonomy - if someone wants to live the alcoholic life with all the hangovers and madness then they have that right. All I can do is live today sober and if someone sees that how I live is something they're interested in, perhaps they may ask about it. But it's my understanding that in addictions the only change that usually sticks is change that is motivated from within.

munchkin05

Actually, oddly enough, I asked my other coworker here.
Supposedly this coworker would come in from time to time drunk and then fall asleep at her desk. She had a problem with it.
Now I'm thinking this "problem" has become a bigger monkey on her back. hhmmm.

silentrun

I can tell the high functioning stage ones. I am pretty sure some of the people that I work with who became sober before me could tell I was. They probably knew before I did.

KateL

I always feel for people when they are acting out their daily routines and I can smell that neat, sickly breath. I never want to go there again, but I would never mention it. They would probably die of embarassment. You have to wait to be asked if they need help. xxxx

munchkin05

I've told one of my coworkers here that I used to be a heavy drinker and the other one that I think has the problem that I no longer drink but haven't gone further than that.
If anything, I am ever so more grateful now that I'm sober.
The person who looks back at me in the mirror has clear skin and eyes, is lean and physically fit, and just looks so much better.

Sorensen

I am in the construction business so I see drunks on a regular basis, I am surrounded by them. I fired a labourer three weeks ago for missing too many days and he had just got his 6th DUI. My other labourer was drinking on the job and I didn't know until he quit because he was good at concealing it. I found beer cans in the porta-potty and underneath my site trailer. Also lots of my sub trades don't show up and their boss tells me their truck wouldn't start or their sick. Complete BULL as I used all those excuses before.

I am hungover a couple times a week at work but I always show up and get my work done.

I am a problem drinker more then anything but I still label myself a high functioning alcoholic, unlike these guys I work with that are complete drunks. The first guy I fired would spend his ENTIRE paycheck within two days at the bar. That's 1500.00 dollars on liquor in two days lol

ScottFromWI

"High functioning" is usually just a stage people go through in alcoholism. With very few exceptions, the high functioning part is replaced by functioning, and eventually non-functioning. The only question is how long it will take to reach non-functioning.

Sorensen

I don't mean to be a d1ck Scott but you don't know me or what my situation is. My grandfather drank his whole life but never reached the point of alcohol dependence and now he's in a home with dementia. I guess he's one of the few exceptions? I know many people like this in their fifties and sixties.

It is asinine to assume that every person that drinks too much from time to time will eventually turn into a non-functioning alcoholic dependant.

ScottFromWI

I'm not assuming anything about you, sorry if you took it that way. Just making an observation on my personal experiences and what I've seen in others around me in life and here on SR. I personally believe alcoholism is progressive and that with very few exceptions, people who are alcohlic lose their ability to function over time if they don't stop drinking.

You are also correct that there are heavy drinkers who are not alcoholics.

Tiptree

I had a boss who I thought was on to me, probably due to my many absences although I was still a very good employee. He was always asking me how I was, or if there was anything wrong. All the damn time. Really freaked me out. I was both angry and frightened. It didn't change my drinking but I avoided him. Found out after he left that he had been in the hospital with PTSD after serving in Iraq, so maybe he was more perceptive and/ or more likely to reach out. I'd like to talk to him now, but wasn't ready then (too bad for me).

Finnie

As a rule I don't like to attribute problems to people. I adopt a wait to be asked stance. I have a colleague who is still suffering. I would never say anything to her. It has to come from her.

Nevertheless

Whenever I run into people at work that drink anymore. I put my cards on the table right off the bat.And there are a lot of people that drink where I work. I have no problem telling other people that drink I'm an alcoholic. It's surprising how many have said "man I'd like to quit,but I can't" or something along that line. I never push it. But I can tell when someone I know is hungover. I never rub it in or bring it up. But I do go out of my way to act like I'm NOT hungover. I give a little extra to act like I'm on top of things and feeling fine.
You might ask does it work? All I can say is Iduno. But I do know trying to tell someone they need to quit is a waste of breath. Maybe someone will think "hell he quit,so can I"
Iduno,it's just what I do.
Fred

Soberween

I use to work as a personal assistant for this older millionaire man that had been sober for over 20 years. One day when I was working with him, he picked up the phone and called an acquaintance that he had bumped into at the clubhouse who was completely hammered. He basically said to the man that he could see his drinking was crossing over into alcoholism and asked him if he needed some help quitting. I hated being present for that. It was so awkward. I could tell the man was completely mortified and had no memory of even bumping into him. I could never do that.

GracieLou

From my own personal experience, it took 26 years.

I don't usually question a lot when it comes to alcoholism in general. Like the whys or the buts but it does make me wonder why some go down so very fast while others can trudge on for years, decades, before their bottom races up to meet them.

I am sure the outside factors have a lot to do with it. For some the consequences start early. DUI, lost job, family, home etc and for others they are able to "maintain the unmanageability" for a greater length of time. Of course the fact that someone even has to maintain an addiction is so obvious to the outside world but to the person living it, not so much.

I heard a lead speaker recently and I could relate to him so much. To him and myself, the alcoholic was the person that could not maintain. It was the person that had the consequences that was an alcoholic so when I compared myself to them, I could easily disregard the thought that I was one.

I assume if I could have maintained the unmanageability for another 30 years because I had nothing that came along that pitched me over the edge I would not be here today. I would never have surrendered, accepted and recovered.

I think it is hard for us, for me, to see others as I was. I can now see it so clearly but I know, because I was there, that they do not, yet. It is going to take something in their own lives to get them to that point.

They have to want what we have. I think we can use our trained eye to wait and then take the opportunity, if is arises, to see in someone else when they have reached that point and when they have, then we can in all honesty reach out to them and not because we want it for them but because they have reached that bottom to want it for themselves.

matt4x4

I found that no one can diagnose who is or is not an alcoholic except for the person themselves. There are many types of alcoholics. A major health scare, they stop. Their first DUI, they stop the drink, someone dies they stop the drinking.

GracieLou

Then there are the ones that have all of the above and still do not stop.

There are also the ones that see others have all these and do not stop.

I agree with you, the only person that can admit, surrender, accept and get help is the alcoholic themselves.

I think that is the hard part but also an important part for those of us that have stopped and found a new way of life. We have been there and we now know that others like us can get there too. We want nothing more than to help but we also know that there is nothing we can do until that person gets to the same point we did.

I think knowing that is what I can use to grow my own tolerance, patience and acceptance towards others.