TTFN

never thought I would be on a site like this...however, I find myself drinking more and more to excess lately and feel the need to stop. I don't know if I can do it....and don't necessarily know if I am committed....but I am definitely going to try. I'm just not sure how to work through the sorrow I feel without getting a divorce. My husband seems to have two personalities...one that loves me more than anything in the world....and one that seems to hate me and everything about me. He can snap within minutes into each of these personalities. He is so cruel...doesn't trust me when he is "Mr Hyde" and says very horrible things. Its probably much like living with an alcoholic.

I seem to be drinking more these days....and then I get nasty. Maybe I think I can say all the things I would want to when he hurts me....

I'm afraid that being sober is going to make me realize that I can not live like this....I can not be thrown around like a yoyo.

How do you stay sober....knowing that it might result in divorce????

Any advice or help is so very much appreciated.....this is VERY hard right now.

Betterlife1

Hi TTFN, listen to what you are saying. You would rather be drinking, miserable and married, then sober and divorced. Here's my opinion on this. If you feel you're drinking is a problem, then you need to get sober. Once you are sober, you can much better deal with your marital situation whether it's going to counseling, couples therapy, or yes, getting a divorce. I'm not saying divorce doesn't present problems or have it's downside. I also don't claim to fully know your situation. However, I know many people where divorce was the completely right move, and quite frankly the only and best option. These people often go on to living wonderful, fulfilling and enjoyable lives. At any rate, you have tons of support here and good luck whatever path you take!

FeelingGreat

Hi TTFN, welcome to SR. Lots of people come here to find support to help them stop drinking. I was one of them, and I've been sober for 22 months.
First things first, drinking is not helping you or your marriage. Concentrate on getting yourself sober, and if there are problems in your marriage you'll be in the best position to deal with them. Is it possible that your husband's moods are because of your drinking?
Your husband's behaviour amounts to abuse. Would he agree to counselling? In the meanwhile you have the option to walk away when he is verbally abusive, but if you don't want a divorce I think you will need professional help.

robgt350

ttfn

hay great to see you here, i came here too with a story close to yours. i had anger and resentment and i so wanted to fight. but sad to say i turned to alcohol and that only made it worse. i soon became a full blown alcoholic. i came here and i got lots of help from reading forums and chatting to others in the chat room. please go to the chat room. nice to meet you and please say hi

freethinking

Divorce/fear is one of my motivators. I am quite certain if I go on another binge, I'll be served with divorce papers.

huntingtontx

Hi ttfn, I am glad you reached out. I was in a bad marriage for 34 years, much like you say. My ex was the best, worst person in the world. I drank to deal with it and pretty soon I just drank to avoid it. After the divorce I just drank. I came her a little over seven months ago and have not drank since. I know if I can do it so can you. Read the post on the site, go to the chat rooms, the meetings Tuesday and Friday, I also post on the 24 hour thread promising each day not to drink for the next 24 hours. It is working for me. You will find lots of support here. Hang here with us. After you are sober you will be more able to deal with the marriage.

EndGameNYC

I don't know.

How do people get married, knowing that there's a 50/50 chance that it will end in divorce?

Married or divorced, you'll hate yourself and your life much more than you do now if you continue to drink.

matt4x4

We drink to change the way we feel. Simple step one information.

TTFN

Thank you so much for the responses! I'm on day 2! Looking forward to many more... Hoping I can stay strong. It's amazing to me how powerful it feels to turn down a drink. Does anyone else feel that way???? Looking forward to holding true to another sober day!!!

Threshold

I remember feeling just as you do a few years ago.

Divorce! no way, uh uh...not for me, etc etc.

Here I am on the other side...what a ride BUT...honest truth, sober and divorced IS better than drinking/drugging/bad marriage.

And I say this having lost pretty much everything in the divorce. I had NO idea how I was going to live, take my next breath, anything. But I did.

I don't know if getting sober will end in a divorce in your situation. But divorce is not the worst thing in the world or the end of life or most of the things I thought it was. I won't kid you, it's not easy, but giving yourself the opportunity to have a good life, a sober life and the possibility of good relationships in the future...is a wonderful thing.

big hugs.

We are the only person we are guaranteed to be with for the rest of our lives. Living sober is a great gift we give ourselves.

FeelingGreat

Brilliant news that you've gone 2 days already. Keep strong, and watch out for getting over-confident and thinking you can just have one. Keep your eyes on the prize.

tonigel

Drinking definitely won't keep your marriage together, that sounds a little like one of the many little excuses an addiction gives you not to quit, (quite sneaky things addictions).

Well done on your day 2, at least by keeping sober you can make a decision based on clear minded truth, not the fuzzy irrational type of logic drink provides.

Best of luck.

RobbyRobot

I've drank to null out the pains of my life when I was drinking as a go-to solution. Didn't work over the long-haul. In fact, my pains got a whole lot worse and so did the quality of my life. As I continued to go south, my drinking continued to overwhelm me at every turn. Eventually I didn't know if I was going to blackout or be able to slowly nurse my drink just enough to keep the DT's away. Scary times. Painful times.

Drinking did give to me what it promised early on, and this of course only helped me become seriously addicted on so many levels. It never though helped me get on with the real deal living a free life. My enslavement to alcohol was more real then anything I could do about it. while drinking. Eventually all I could do was surrender to my alcoholism. To my horror my alcoholism wasn't taking prisoners, lol. In my conditional surrender I drank even more abjectly in even more depravity. I was well on my way to dying, and I knew it, and although I did care somewhat, I also didn't care and so in some ways I was ready to welcome death as long as I could die drunk I could handle it I lied to myself.

Dying drunk really played on what was left of me. Guess it was my bottom because the more I realised I was going to get what I wanted if I kept drinking the more I realised I didn't want to die drunk. My last years of drinking were bad as I wrestled with not dying drunk. I went to my first AA meeting drunk and a few days later into residential rehab and therapy. Living with other alcoholics was exactly what I needed. I finally saw how unconditionally quitting forever could work out for me. I discovered how my life-long sobriety could be sustained. I began to believe in myself, my life, and in others who were my early peers in alcoholism. Reaching out and helping others help me as I in turn helped them all this saved my sorry drunken self.

I still have pains, of course, goes without saying, yeah? I still hurt over whatever hurts me. I don't drink over being hurt anymore because I don't want to be hurt, and drinking obviously hurt me. Forgiveness was key for me to not chase down my hurts anymore. Acceptance of 'what is is' really turned things around for me permanently because when we accept what is we get another chance to change what is into something else - into a new what is, so to speak. Of course, some things just can't be morphed into something else, and that is okay too when it happens for real. Reality is cool.

I can't promise if you quit drinking you'll stay married. I can probably promise if you keep drinking you'll more than likely have a divorce anyways and that will just hurt even more. I can promise when we deal with our hurts and pains in real time in real life, they hurt as little as we can manage to make them hurt.

Take it easy, and I hope you quit drinking sooner than later.