Tetra

Night time is just the worst.

I try so hard to be upbeat during the day.

What am I? A 33 year old, unemployed, single, recovering alcoholic living with my parents. In other words, a loser.

It's after midnight and I am alone in my attic bedroom watching Frasier.

Never heard anything back from the interviews I did. Realistically, who is going to hire me?

Sorry, I am mired in self-pity right now. Lying in bed with a pot of herbal tea.

Raider

Praying for you my friend. You are not a loser.

Dee74

You're not a loser. You're getting your life together.

Sometimes things don't run by our timetable but that's ok...good things will happen...believe it. Have faith

Every night gives way to a new dawn Tetra

D

huntingtontx

You are to young to be a loser. Give it time. Your life will come around. I am also drinking herbal tea, and loving it.

tomsteve

im glad yer seein the self pity, but,cmon..is it really doin ya any good?
YER NOT A LOSER!!!

Realistically, who is going to hire me?

more companies that ya think. heres a something ive seen work great:
1st off, go look in the mirror( not at yer hair or dust bunnies on yer sleeve. right into your eyes)). tell yerself you are a winner (yer sober today,right?), you have worth, and you love yourself, and there is definatley someone that will hire you.
then, go get back in touch with the places you had interviews with! be persistant!
ever see the movie "the pursuit of happiness?" good one that demonstrates what persistence through tough times can lead to.

get that hope back!!!

freethinking

I feel like the first days are the roughest...I hope you stop being so hard on yourself.

heath480

Tetra this weather is terrible,you have done so well and you will get a job.Don't get downhearted,you are young.

Believe in yourself,things will get better and you are going to sleep tonight sober,for an Alcoholic you have had a good day.

Turninganewleaf

I often think the same. I am a loser, so why bother?? However, I know from past experiences that it is dangerous ground. I would frequently relapse when those thoughts got the best of me. There were times I picked up a drink despite knowing that I am an alcoholic and drinking could put me in the hospital or jail.

GypsyHeart

Loser?!! I think not.
As you said, you are mired in self-pity.... I sure do that sometimes.

This too shall pass (I say that to myself a lot at times to get my mind directed towards a better place)

And it's true... you will not always be 33
you will not always be unemployed and
you will not always live with your parents.

soooo, you didn't hear anything back from your interviews. I think that means you went to more than one interview.... a loser wouldn't have even tried. Maybe they haven't gotten thru all the interviews, maybe they haven't decided, maybe they are just plain pokin' around and are going to call you soon. I've went to places that took forever after interviewing to choose. And maybe, none of those jobs are the one for you and something better is in your future.

Keep your chin up - you never know what tomorrow may bring

PurpleKnight

You're not a loser Tetra . . . who even coined that phrase anyways?!!

I can relate to being alone, I'm currently alone flicking channels for something to watch, might have to break out Frasier myself!!

From experience it's far too early for the Monday interview, to hear word back, I'd give it some time yet.

That herbal tea is your achievement for today, going to bed Sober, how many people wish they could be Sober and do that after everything your thinking/feeling . . . well Tetra can!!

rolliby

Take comfort in where you are. It is a safe place. The herbal tea will nourish you - it will not destroy you. You are building strength. You strength will grow. Your mind will replenish and be at ease. Take this time that has been provided to you to willingly help your parents, neighbors, friends. Give of yourself and you will be given back your efforts. Try it for a while but be conscious of the fact that you have time to heal, which is precious. There are many of us that aren't afforded that time that is desperately needed to be calm, be quiet, read a book, take a nap, take up a loved hobby or pass-time.... time is golden. Let it work for you. It is not against you so long as you make every minute count toward serenity and sobriety.

And it was really funny to read that you were watching Frasier. Right now I'm watching the episode where they take Dafney over the Canadian border in a Winnebago while she was asleep.

I hope you can embrace the peace and time you have been given to forgive yourself and see you deserve time to get better.

sugarbear1

When I get like that, I try to get out of self and talk with someone else who is suffering.....

bigsombrero

You're no loser. Rome wasn't built in a day. I hear my old self in your words - I used to call myself an "unemployed 36 year-old recovering alcoholic" as a degrading joke in the early goings, and when I went to treatment I joked I was going to the "Loony bin". I honestly thought I'd never work again because I was too afraid to even do an interview. The non-call backs really hit me in the gut too, as did my poverty.

When times get tough, you see what you're really made of. And you're posting here, sounding quite sane and reasonable. You're an intelligent person and we all know you're going to get back on your feet. Stay the course, one foot in front of the other. Things will start falling into place fast and be ready to grasp the positive momentum. Things are going to start moving your way, I'm sure!

MrTumble

Tetra, there is work you can do from home, that pays.

Try googling the word "crowdsourcing".
Crowdsourcing - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

You can actually turn the experience into something to add to your cv, and also learn from.

Some of the work is stuff like software testing or proofreading, but will keep you busy.

There are quite a few crowdsourcing sites you can look at -- amazon have a big one -- if you are interested.

It might not be for you, but maybe worth a look... never know.

applecake

Tetra, I can sure relate to your post, as I'm at a similar place in my life. It also seems like the negative self-talk really comes alive for me at night.

I have found that something called the three column method really helps me let go of many of the panicky thoughts I have at night. There is a wealth of really good information online, but you start with three columns on a sheet of paper. In the first column you write your negative thought. In the second column, you identify the distorted thinking. (I am particularly susceptible to "fortune-telling" and "mind-reading.") And in the third column, you list rebuttals to the negative thinking. Sounds hokey, but it works for me.

Wishing you the best, Tetra!

SoberKat9

Tetra, you are so not a loser. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're going to bed sober, that's winning right there.

I wouldn't assume anything in regards to the job interviews, it may take some time for them to get back to you. I know the job searching process sucks, having just recently gone through it myself. Will think good thoughts for you and hope something pans out soon.

Nineteen67

Morning Tetra, hope you are feeling more positive today, although the weather is still pretty grim(over here in Scotland anyway!)
Finding a job in these desperate economic times isn't easy but stick at it and someone will recognize your qualities and take you on.
Never think of yourself as a loser, that's the Alcoholic Voice in you trying to drag you down, tell it to gtf!
You are sober, have a comfortable place to live, and let's face it, there are many worse things to be doing than sitting in bed watching Frasier! Hope you have a good day.

1newcreation

Not one to me coz know what it feels. There's plenty of support here

HeadLump

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, Tetra but please take heart from the amazing posts on this thread.

At the (tender) age of 33, you've recognised your problem with alcohol, you are successfully dealing with it and you are taking strides to move forward. Does that sound like a loser? At 33, my alcoholism was just getting into gear, it was another almost 20 years before I found the courage to face it.

In the same way that (hopefully) the storm passed over Ireland last night, the sun will shine again for you. And all that cleansing herbal tea you drink should mean that you're in the best possible place both physically and psychologically to embrace it when it does!

Until then, you have all of us walking by your side