Anoronha

I'm going bat **** crazy right now. I don't understand this what is wrong with me i am not working a good program. I'm trying real hard and have been through all the steps. I call sponsor everyday and others. I go to meetings snf pray and meditate. I'm full of self pity lately where is this coming from I hate it when I get like this. I'm going to a meeting in 20 minutes. I also have to work till 11 tonight. I keep drinking would make this better. I just feeling moody lately and intense feelings anger sadness and resentments. I am reading drop the rock with sponsor. I'm not working a good program I feel. I feel scared a lot too. I have almost a years of sobriety.

doggonecarl

Your sobriety is awesome! Take a deep breath. We all have times with the pressures and the stress get bad, when our moods are foul. But only alcoholics feel the need to drink over it. Everyone deals with it until it passes.

And it will pass. Be strong. Draw on your higher power. Don't drink.

Tiptree

Maybe this is a purging process just like the withdrawals the body goes through getting rid of the toxins. Hopefully you can ride out the storm and come through stronger on the other side. Drinking is a dead end. Rooting for you!

MamaGoat

Does the time of the month have anything to do with it? I have noticed that is when I have more problems with feelings and their intensity and I can make mole hills into mountains rather quickly
But either way we all go through up and downs...You are doing all the right things. It's ok to feel like sh*T every now and then. Usually paying extra attention to what I am REALLY grateful for helps with self pity. Hang in there...there is a reason the phrase
this too shall pass" is used so often.
Here is a ((((((goat hug))))) for you! (they are the best )

matt4x4

Service work really helps. 12 step work helps out a lot as well. To hear other peoples problems and try to solve them, get out of myself and lay down the ego to help a fellow human being, not just other drunks and addicts. Even when I am flying high spiritually I help out around the rooms of AA, cleaning, making coffee, filling the pop/water fridge.

Johno1967

Anoronha,
I watched the movie "Bill W" yesterday. I never realized that the man who Bill W accredited for getting him sober, his old drinking pal Ebby Thacher, relapsed several times until his death.
That blew me away and made me realize how fragile my sobriety is.
Outwardly I may appear self assured and confident, inwardly I trust in my HP and hold it together, but it takes effort. I feel sometimes that I stand on a precipice.
I keep telling myself "Our sobriety is a daily reprieve contingent on the (daily) maintenance of our spiritual condition". Sometimes I repeat that to myself like a mantra.
The key word here is our. Your sobriety belongs to you, your sponsor, your group and every alcoholic who still suffers. The universe wants to see you stay sober.
Ultimately only you can decide whether to "Let Go and Let God" and really work the steps. Forget tomorrow, next week, next year or the past. Put yourself in the Now, that's where you are, where God is and where the answer lies.

sugarbear1

You can always work through steps 4-7 again....

karate

One thing to remember ,Every day wont be great .

I learned that a few years ago ,suffer through the bad days ,enjoy the good days .

matt4x4

We think we are different. We are not. Life happens, deal with it.

Gottalife

Bill wrote about this, so you are in good company.

"I was not too well at the time, and was plagued by waves of self-pity and resentment. This sometimes nearly drove me back to drink, but I soon found that when all other measures failed, work with another alcoholic would save the day. Many times I have gone to my old hospital in despair. On talking to a man there, I would be amazingly lifted up and set on my feet. It is a design for living that works in rough going."

Solutions?:
Maybe step 10, clean up any new messes promptly as we go along.
Maybe step 11, What is thy will for me?
Maybe step 12, go and help someone else.
Maybe all three, as a way of life?

There seems to be a point at which we realise what it means to be beyond human aid. Our sponsors, fellow AAs, etc cannot fix us for they are but human too. The solution seems to be developing a relationship with the god of our understanding, and maintaining it through practicing those three steps as a way of life.

Pipefish

Hang in there, and if you can, be gentle with yourself. So you're not perfect yet! Join the club ;-)

A year's sobriety is a significant achievement for any alcoholic...one day is a an achievement too, so never underestimate how potent an achievement it is for someone who's default setting in any and most events is to drink, doesn't do that. Something very profound has already shifted for that to have been happening for a year...

And you've been doing that for a year already. Something's working, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. Trust, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other

Wish you well

Alpha7

Mid-afternoon at work I was stressed and had strong cravings, bordering on a 'planned relapse'.

However forced myself to the gym and kept myself busy - feel 100x better for it.

Stay strong, it will pass