Ex Fiancé - Is only upset wit me while in recovery.
 

Hello,

So my ex and father of my child has been sober for 4 months. He is starting to go out to parties with alcohol do more things. But for some reason he tells me he feels better without me around like I'm his toxic. He tells me he doesn't see us working it out anymore. It's like he's purposely trying to hurt me. Is that normal behavior from an alcoholic?

I'd say it is somewhat normal to reevaluate relationships when you get sober. I'm sorry it isn't working out for you.

Thank u!! I just thought he was trying to pick a fight.

"He is starting to go out to parties with alcohol"

why would a sober person do this in early recovery??

He says he doesn't want to drink and he has friends/family that support him. I was there for his as well. I guess he is testing his boundaries? He went to a Super Bowl party today and tomorrow he will be going out for a friend's birthday.

Give him some time, if he is only early in recovery he has alot of emotions to go thru.
He is going to be on a roller coaster for abit.

Can you try Al-Anon to see how you can recover.

Is he working on himself?

He works on himself when he feels he needs it. So once a week he makes it to aa. He was in a 6 month program but stop attending those classes last month.

I have no idea what's going on in your particular situation but I want to throw a few thoughts out there.

Alcohol or lack there of is not responsible for all issues in a person's life. Don't give it any more power or slack than it deserves. I have seen many people, both the alcoholics themselves and their loved ones use drinking or having stopped drinking as an excuse for all kind of behavior.

Relationships start and end everyday alcohol or no alcohol. Look at the quality of the relationship and the words and behaviors. Judge it on it's own merit and make decision from that standpoint.

You are responsible for yourself and your child. Even if he is an alcoholic or a recovering alcoholic he is still an adult.

Thanks you. At this point he just keeps lashing out at me. Keeps reminding how he never cared for me and feels better that I'm not around..etc. This break up is getting ugly.

You aren't there for him to abuse at will unless you allow it.

Go no contact except for texting and only on child-related issues.

You don't deserve that kind of treatment whatever his feelings are about it.
Don't put up with it.

I'm not. I'm over it at this point. I just think he wants to fight and then say I triggered him to drink.

Very insightful and probably right on the money. Big hugs. Even when we know it's not really about us, it still hurts.

Blech.

Can you get some IRL support from a counsellor? Are you still living under the same roof? The more distance you get from this guy the better.

You might need some help to establish and maintain boundaries if you are going to have ongoing contact due to your child. It's not ok for him to lash out at you like this but the only thing you can control is how you react to it.

I no longer live with him. He didn't want us to live wit him when he went sober since he needed to focus on himself.