callmemilly

I really want to drink. I shouldn’t, in particular now, because I have been sick (2 viruses and 1 infection) since Jan 1, and I am just now almost fully recovered- stopped taking meds yesterday. And I feel like if I drink I risk getting sick again, because my body is just starting to get back to normal.
But I’m miserable and just want to drink. It’s hard too when no one around you really thinks it’s a problem. I see a therapist for other issues and she’s great but she doesn’t really think the drinking is a problem, or at least that’s the sense I get. She thinks it’s just something I do to cope or bury feelings, which is true and her focus is more on the source than the strategies I pick up to deal, like drinking. I’m sure also she has seen people with much worse drinking problems than me.

But for me it’s like if it isn’t a problem then why does it feel almost outside of my control to not have a drink. And I say okay one drink, and that’s bs, because I want more than one. I can sometimes really control it, and just have one, but again, it’s a struggle, and I really want more than that. I would drink a beer right now writing this if I could. And then eventually I drink a bunch, I guess I’m like a binge drinker, then stop or go back to 1-3, and start all over.

I love music and I listen to the radio and I feel like I have to drink to enjoy it better. Which is probably stupid and not true. But I guess that’s a real trigger for me.

I think I’m depressed today, unhappy, alone, bored at work, bored at home, - I am pretty isolated so I don’t have friends to go hang out with. Though I have plans tomorrow.

I guess the point is, why struggle so hard when no one around me thinks it’s a problem? But then I’m like- I have a health reason right now and a sensible person wouldn’t and I don’t know if I can resist. And what does that say? Really this just sucks.

(I should say I'm writing this kind of to vent, kind of in the hopes it will help me to get it out and not drink. I know no one can really answer these kind of questions.)

TheMiddlePath

If you want to quit for a while and it's a struggle, then I think the scale tips heavy towards there being a problem. Plus, if you think there's a problem, then who cares what other people think. You're trying to be the best you can. Go for it. Lots of help here.

TigerLili

I was a very secretive drinker and I doubt anyone know I drank more than normal, let alone that I was an alcoholic. I had to quite because of how it made me feel, and it was a tough journey. I am much happier being sober.

I believe that I drank to bury my feelings and uncomfortable emotions, so I do see where your therapist is going with that. My therapist knows I'm in AA and I have relapsed occassionally but she doesn't know all the details. I prefer to focus on finding better strategies to deal with my internal discomfort than rehash my drinking.

I think it's smart to vent here as a way of not picking up a drink. I do it too

Dee74

Welcome callmemilly

the really important thing here is how you feel about your drinking, not what anyone else does. If it's a problem for you, then yeah - the obvious thing is to try and fix it

you'll find a lot of help and support here

D

GypsyHeart

callmemilly My drinking life was a different part of my life that pretty much the only people who knew I drank as much as I did were the other bar people.
I can remember once, telling my best friend (at the time) I had a problem and needed to stop drinking and she laughed and glossed over the whole conversation like I didn't know what I was talking about. Of course she was one of my drinking buddies. And I continued to drink with her for years after the conversation. Listen to yourself. You are the person living your life not them.
PS Boredom is one of my triggers as well.

callmemilly

Thanks for the support. I think one reason I focus on what other people think is because I want someone else to tell me it's a problem. I guess I don't want to take responsibility for it.

I do drink alone, and the rest of my life I function reasonably well. I seem to keep it in check and then binge. I just find over time, the binge part has slowly increased in the amount and gotten more frequent. And slowly the time in between the binges has slowly grown from no drinking to one or a few.

It doesn't make me feel good. But quite honestly without it I feel worse emotionally. I don't want to live like that depending on alcohol. But I don't know how to make myself feel better in the rest of my life either.

Anyway I think I'll make it through tonight. Thanks and hope others are doing okay

instant

I think I’m depressed today, unhappy, alone, bored at work, bored at home, - I am pretty isolated so I don’t have friends to go hang out with.



It will take some time and some active steps to work these issues out. I don't think alcohol would be a recommended appraoch to these matters.

I found i had to develop ways of comforting myself and filling up time when i gave up. I am still learning, but it can be done

FeelingGreat

Hi Milly, I suppose because you're feeling better from the virus your body is now suggesting a drink would be nice. You can white-knuckle through the cravings, but it will be much easier if you can divert your attention to something else. (BTW, cravings are a sure sign you have a problem). Some ideas, but I'm sure you can come up with your own:
Bake a cake and take it round to a friend
Offer to take friends kids to the movies to give them a break
Go for a walk if weather permits
Buy some fruit and make yourself a smoothie
Start a project around the house
Post on SR - not just your own threads, I'm sure you have lots to offer others

You get the idea! I started drinking tea in a nice cup, and made that my relaxation ritual (see avatar)