newme2day

I have no reason to lie, on here especially. In the end i would just be lying to myself.

thisisme

I do not care about other peoples sober time or if they choose to lie about it.
I only care about mine.

EverySngleNight

People lie. It's in our DNA! We rely on the approval/acceptance of others -to some extent- in order to survive. Sometimes people lie to stay "in the fold". Sometimes it's to garner/continue to garner resources. Resources include; love, affection, friendship, sex, food, shelter, status- etc. Actually, deceit has even been documented in dogs! (that puts a different twist on the phrase "lie like a dog" lol)

With sobriety, I think people's reasons for lying are pretty variable. Maybe it's to continue the behavior while avoiding some form of rejection, or the removal of resources. Unfortunately, not everyone's social structure/support system allows for honesty. Probably the biggest reason people lie about sobriety is to spare themselves of their own internal judgment and self-inflicted punishment. I think that's REALLY sad.

IMO it's rare that people lie strictly to be manipulative or hurtful toward others. I REALLY believe that. There is always a reason behind it, and 9 times out of 10- it's better met with compassion than negativity.

The reality is- people are bitter to each other! We can be judgmental. We point fingers. Some people take pleasure in the shortcomings or "failures" of others, and JUMP at any opportunity to put a spotlight on it and to correct them. We're mean- especially to ourselves! That sucks!!! No wonder people lie. LOL Pretty much everybody has had the experience of being rejected at some point, for telling the truth, or just being themselves. Isn't it weird that as a society we view the truth as "good" and lies as "bad"- but then we treat ourselves and one another so poorly??? Just sayin.

I have a lot of faith in the people on SR. I see this as a REALLY supportive atmosphere. It's amazing how honest people can be when they feel acceptance and support.

Compassion, compassion, compassion!!! We need more. :-)

If someone feels like they have to lie, are they living in an environment (internally or externally) that offers them acceptance and support?

Also, if we go around on guard and assume that everyone's a liar -or out to get us somehow- are we creating the type of environment in our lives where the truth is allowed?

The answers to those questions might be really important to our sobriety.

Great thread!!! Really enjoyed it. TY

SoberChristmas

If someone gets on here and lies, they are only hurting themselves!

Colinb1

my thoughts too, why lie here this is a place for honesty with ones self or its a waste of time

ErikT

Whether or not someone believes me isn't my concern.....I know the truth

Turninganewleaf

True, but I believe they can also be hurting others by giving bad advice. I wish we had a way to prove peoples sobriety.

Dee74

I think the vast majority of people here can tell good advice from bad - if they can't, certainly other people can and they will post against what they see as bad advice.

That crosses a lot of boundaries for me.
That would be a forum I'd want no part of.
D

GracieLou

May I ask what would be gained by this?

Can we all point and accuse? Should be get pitch forks and torches out?

My concern is with my program, my honesty with myself and with others not with what others are doing. It is not my job to run to their side of the street and take their inventory or get out the broom and clean it for them. In reality if I did that I am not helping them, I am doing the work for them or at least attempting to.

That would be a waste of the valuable energy I need to work on me.

In other words....

LadyinBC

Once I start worrying about others backyards instead of my own, I better take a look in the mirror.

I don't need anyone to prove their sobriety to me because at the end of the day it really is on them. Has nothing to do with my recovery. I don't want to take on someone elses baggage which I am doing if I start worrying about what others are doing.

fotographia

I have met people who do lie about being sober.

But they are addicts, and refuse to get help for their addiction.

Or they go to AA/NA and think that they can still smoke pot (or use other drugs) and be "sober" but they're just kidding themselves.

Muunray

I didn't lie. But I would never announce I was drinking "again" either.

Soberwolf

Ive been here for 2 months and a day ....

in that time i see a lot of people in pain, losing everything they have and i see a lot of relapse where ppl are being brutally honest about it and they get my respect pronto

ive seen ppl in long term sobriety talk of moderation

ive heard stories that break and touch my heart and i cant prove it but just know they are telling the truth

havnt come across someone with long term sobriety who seems to be lying

theyl tell you things only an alcoholic would mainly think and do

mpr

I'm sober 7+ years(from alcohol). I've smoked weed a few times in that 7 years but weed was never a issue for me nor do I really care for it. Depending on how you look at it I'm not truly 7 years sober from everything but I am from alcohol and that was my intention.

esinger

"definition of sobriety is not being in an altered state from a substance"

So if I drink 4 cups of coffee I'm not really sober?
I know not the same but just saying.

Ken33xx

I believe the sobriety dates I hear in meetings mainly because I don`t see the point in lying about it.

I have heard some weird things however. One fellow with 11 years went out on a weekend bender (drink, drugs the whole bit) shared about it but didn’t change his sobriety date.

A few years later he went out for good. (Said he got sober too young and wasn`t sure if he was an alcoholic...)

He’s back now

RobbyRobot

I think lying about quit dates and sobriety eventually circle back against whoever did the lying. Building a lifestyle on lies doesn't work, as we all realize. Sobriety isn't the end result of quitting, its really just the gateway towards opportunities for a free and well lived life. Sadly enough, some people quit and a lot happens at first, and then somehow things and purposes drift and thin out until quitting begins to make less and less sense. Some people don't always realize they can still turn things around, and so they slip up a bit. A little drink here and there. A couple tokes now and again. A few pills. The lie believed is its okay since they didn't really tie one on. Didn't really get out of control. They still call it sobriety not because they believe it, but because the truth hurts worse to call it anything else.

I've said enough lies in my own life to feel something for those who continue lying about their own whatever's, including their sobriety. A few well chosen questions can usually reveal when someone is lying about whatever. Just because someone is lying though, doesn't mean they deserve to be brought to trial. We've all lied about something, yeah? Forgiveness and understanding help those who are hurting much more than trials and tribulations will ever make right.

Live and let live comes to mind.

zjw

I got it tattoo'd on me I'd sure feel stupid if i slipped up. But being the addict i am I could totally see myself slipping up and being like oh well pass me another drink. I'm sick what can i say.

But it does make me wonder if I did slip up just 1 drink ONLY 1 does that mean i gotta scratch out that tattoo? I try not to think about it I dont want that 1 and if I came up with a valid answer I might use it as an excuse to drink too.

I dont have any reason to lie. But I guess if I slipped up a handful of times that would start to muddy the waters.

ScottFromWI

To me it's very simple - be honest with yourself and everything else will fall into place.

Eshgham

Nice post, and it's good to be skeptical. Lying does serve a purpose. If you become very, very attached to the community and your "role" is that of someone who's recovered, admitting that you slipped up is a huge blow. It'd be easier to just keep quiet and move on.

But at the end of the day who cares? No-one is perfect, and ultimately battle is with yourself.