Colinb1

Why lie on here the only person to suffer is the lier if you have a relapse be truthful and you will get more support?

TheMiddlePath

If you stop drinking but take an occasional puff of pot, you're not "sober?" What are you then? What's the term?

Dee74

I would be 'in denial'.
for me pot always led back to drink and vice versa.

D

bigsombrero

I understand how you'd be suspicious of people's claims. I had a close buddy from rehab who called me every weekend after we got out to "check in". Well it turns out he had been drinking ever since he left treatment. He was even drunk on the phone with me every week. He had just been lying the whole time. That made me pretty angry. But I can't let that affect me and my recovery. If I become suspicious and un-trusting of everyone on SR, that doesn't help me!

I do think some people lie because they like to dish out "wisdom" - and they don't want to lose their status. But in the end, we're all here to support each other and get help. I choose to believe the people here who want to get well are honest. That's enough for me.

Colinb1

As I said you are only leting yourself down if you lie no one else, if I fall over and have a drink I will be here and admit it as I would need the support to get up again.

flutter

I really don't talk to anyone about my sober time, other than here I guess. I don't ask anyone else about it either. Liars lie, I'm not a liar. I haven't had a drink in over 5 years, and I'm the only person that needs to believe in that

sunrise1

I take people at face value, but don't allow them to hurt me at the same time. If someone chooses to lie about a sobriety date, that does not really affect me or my sobriety. They'll either come around or they won't... my time spent worrying about it will be wasted.

It sometimes frustrates my husband when he relates stories of people doing things he has no control over and I try to explain there's nothing for him to do.

Just move along and don't worry about others. The only one they are truly hurting with untruths are themselves. They're ultimately delaying their own recovery, and sadly some of us had to do that to get where we are now.

Pataphor

Zebra1275 - LOVE THIS response...so agree!

GracieLou

I have heard that many times from people that have relapsed after years of sobriety. They had many years but not enough days (24 hours).

I have come across many people in the rooms of AA that are still in denial not only about drinking but about their side dishes as well.

"constitutionally incapable of being honest"

It used to bother me but I have let go of that need to control another's program or play God when it comes their soul. I pray for them because in reality that is all I can do until they are capable of being truly honest with themselves.

Turninganewleaf

Gracielou, thats the most common lie I see. Recovering alcoholics who indulge in "side dishes". I've known people who smoke pot mostly but a few who pop all sorts of pills and claim they are xx years sober. I've even seen a guy chairing a big book meeting and he was nodding out during the meeting.

archenemy

Lying came into play for me only to protect my drinking problem. I am very honest person but I protected my supply. If I had to lie I did it. No question.

Joe Nerv

I am really amused sometimes at how polar opposite our thinking can be. And I don't mean that in any offensive, or argumentative way. We both stay sober, and that speaks volumes to me. We both also share the same passion for the things we learned and did that keeps us living, loving, and learning in a sober world.

That being said, when I first entered AA I felt the same as the OP. I drank every single day, and my entire world revolved around alcohol. Everyone I knew, aside from my parents, drank much like I did. I had a sort of tunnel vision with it. So when people said they had a year sober, or 5, or 10, I couldn't wrap my brain around that. I really with all my heart and soul believed they just did a little something here and there. New years eve, maybe? A wedding? Super bowl sunday? Or they smoked a little weed, popped a valium now and then? Bottom line was I didn't think it was possible. But I was told I only needed to stay sober for one day. Today. And when tomorrow comes along, I'd deal with it then. The forever stuff made my hair stand on end. I couldn't in early sobriety conceive of never drinking again. 30 years later, actually 2 or 3 years later I knew I was done with it for life, but I really needed to hold onto the 1 day at a time thing. For a while. And I needed to do a whole bunch of other things in addiion to that.

As for the honesty stuff, I get a sense that the majority of people here are the real deal. There are people I suspect are dabbling in other substances, and I've come across 1 or 2 I'm pretty certain were flat out lieing. If not, I'd never want what they've gotten out of sobriety. It's for this reason I enjoy AA, and the face to face interactions I have with people. A lot more "real" and connected for me, for lack of better words.

I belong to another forum for musicians, where we have get togethers. I would really be interested in seeing how something like that would go here, but I don't think it's likely, and probably for good reason. I think we'd all get a big kick out of each other though . I like to think of this sobriety thing as us all being on the same team, regardless of our approaches. Not sure everyone feels the same.

Turninganewleaf

Joe nerv, yes your post kinda nailed how I feel. I have been attempting the recovery game for a long, long time and I think I focus on the 2%-5% people who are just plain lying. I can understand lying to family and normal friends about being sober but why lie to those in recovery or at a AA meeting?

Mountainmanbob

it's usually worse when they are drinking
getting sober is not that big of a deal
some have stopped drinking since the beginning of time

it's harder to understand for the ones
who have not tasted true sobriety

Mountainman

ChiefBromden

Wouldn't it be ironic that people on forums like this one lie less than they do on other non-addiction related forums, or Facebook etc.?

I can see why I would lie about the horsepower of my car (it's only 350 BHP, where I often claim it to be 370...), but not really why I would lie about staying sober.

Sure, there will be lies, but what I often see is that people stop posting for a while when they do relapse, as they feel rather ashamed, rather then pretending nothing happened

Again, you probably won't believe me, but I actually think honesty - and a dedication to it - probably helped me immensely to get sober. Honesty to myself foremost, honesty to other people second.

Personally I have no wisdom to show. I don't think it matters much that I'm 600 days sober today (yay me! ) instead of 500 or 700. I know that it's true for me, and the only reason I want to share it is to show to others: it can be done, don't give up hope.

I was one of the people who really wanted to get away from the insane vicious circle that is alcohol, but I was almost sure it couldn't be done. Then I saw people who actually did it. Then I thought: even if some fail, or even when it's only 0.1% or whatever that succeeds, what excuse do I have to not be in that bracket? Answer was: none.

Anyway, no, I don't actually think that many people here are lying about their status. Some may, but maybe, just maybe, some that would lie face to face or in meetings will not see the point in lying here, anonymously. But, I have no proof, it's just a hunch.

TDInstall

Taking a step back, even if everyone on this website was drinking constantly, and never posted without a drink inside them, the very fact that they are posting here, and therefore are at least at the very beginning of recognising that they have a problem, and in a way being honest with themselves, is way better than refusing to admit it and continuing to hammer away at their disease without any glint of self-awareness. Right?

sugarbear1

It doesn't matter to me what others are or are not doing. I know that I have been consistently sober since May 16, 2011.

I can sleep well today.

Joe Nerv

I hear ya. This made me think of something though. When I just came into the rooms, I hooked up and became friends with a guy that a lot of people warned me to stay away from. A couple of people actually refused to be my sponsor, if I continued to hang out with this dude. I didn't understand it, I didn't get it, he had nothing but good stuff to teach me (even preach sometimes), and he was a little nuts, so we actually got to have some fun. I only knew him for what I knew from the rooms. He was sober about 2 months more than me, but knew a whole lot more about AA, and what to do if you wanted to stay sober. Problem was, he couldn't do it himself. And everybody who'd been around a while knew it. They knew that for the most part whenever he opened his mouth up, BS would fly out. When I was about 4 or 5 months sober, he disappeared. He picked up again.

So, what's my point? I learned tons and tons of stuff from this guy. He dragged me meetings all over my state (he was doing it to meet girls, I was doing it to get sober ), he stuck by my side, he probably lied about lots of stuff.... but he wasn't me. And I still gained heaps from our relationship. The percentage of people who BS in AA I'm quite certain far less than the percentage of people who lie in the every day world, as it's part of being sober to do our best to become as honest as we can. If you're going to focus on the 2 to 5 percent that might be full of it, know that you can gain from their experience also. And know that you're not them. I can promise you, as impossible as it may seem, that the vast majority of people are being 100% honest. 30 years ago, I'd have never conceived of not touching alcohol for 30 years. Wait, that's not completely honest... at 6 months I had a mouthful of wine. Long story that I've written about before, but totally uneventful and not worth wasting space on here. Alcohol has not passed my lips in 29 and half years. I have not ingested Marijuana in any fashion for about 32 years. And in the 3 decades I've been sober, I took, to the best of my recollection, less than 10 prescription painkillers (10 individual pills, not scripts) at times that they were prescribed, and very much needed.

And if I can do it, I'm certain anyone can. They just need to want to, badly enough, for one day. Today.

PaperDolls

May be time to focus on something else?

I had to work at it myself but it made a huge difference.

PhaseTwo

I assume everyone on hear is telling the truth as I think atleast 90 percent are. It's definitely not a big conspiracy, people do get and stay sober for years... It becomes easier to see how it's possible the further you get away from the last drink