MSUDrunk

We'll I did it, I finally hit bottom. Do t know why I did but I stopped in a bar at 9 Sunday night and do t remember much after that. Next thing I know I'm stuck in a snow bank, managed to get my car out and stumbled In to house at 3am. I am so disappointed in myself I had been going to aa, my wife is sticking with me and helping me though I do t deserve it. I'm going to an intensive outpatient plan next week and am going to get on Antabuse to help keep me so we in the short term. I could have killed someone, killed myself, and ruined so many lives and lost everything. I feel so low, God deliver me from this insanity.

TomSawyer

Desperation can be just what we need. That's what got me to an intensive outpatient program too. IOP helped me out quite a bit, and I'm sure you will greatly benefit from it as well. Today can be the first day of the rest of your life.

Sanantoniosober

Glad you're getting help. Keep coming back here, it works.

Threshold

I'm glad you have a plan and are going into it with the clarity that is has to stop here, now. Also wonderful that your wife is with you on this.

It takes what it takes.

You not have 2 UofM people rooting for you...don't let us down! lol

Keep posting, keep moving forward, we're all behind you on this

least

I'm glad you've decided to give it another try. A sober life is so worth the effort it takes to get it.

Lifewillgetbet

Cool man.
Antibuse only works if you take it though.

tomsteve

glad ya made it back, MSUdrunk.
while waiting for IOP, I suggest making as many meetings as possible and read the big book.
"God deliver me from this insanity. "
He will IF you put in the footwork.

tomsteve

Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power

KateL

I wish you luck with your treatment, You can do it xxxx

Turninganewleaf

Antabuse will help get you started on the long road to sobriety. Your lucky that snow embankment could of been a school bus full of children.

tomsteve

hope yer doin better today,MSUdrunk.

MSUDrunk

Thanks for your concern, I am doing much much better. Yesterday at AA I was nervous but I told my home group that I did relapse, I was so afraid they would judge me and be disappointed, but the response I got was overwhelming. So many came up and hugged me afterwards, gave me phone numbers, told me to keep coming back. In fact one old timer pulled me aside and said "I don't need another sponsee, but you need me as your sponsor" and I am working with him and one of his rules is call him every single night just so he knows I'm thinking about sobriety.

I am still dealing with the fallout at home, and that will take time because the only way I can rebuild trust is one day at a time, but I know my wife loves me and will stick by me as long as I do my part. I really do feel like a switch flipped this time. I used to be scared at the thought of never drinking again, never being able to celebrate weddings, births etc. but now after sunday, I am terrified of ever drinking again because I realize what powerless means -- Once I start drinking I do not know what is going to happen. I may end up ok the next day with a hangover but I could end up dead in a head on collision. Like my sponsor told me yesterday, there were two people in the group who died because they couldn't get back in their house because they were too drunk to open the lock and they froze to death on their porch.

All I know is I am not God, my will and my way is what got me here, I must live for others and stop living for myself. I'm sober today and the only thing I can promise is I will be sober for the rest of the day, but that is good enough.