newhope01

For awhile there I would drink (1) to (1.5) bottles every night. Glad that part of my life is in the past.

freethinking

I don't worry about weekends either. I get a rush off of drinking when noone else is. It's a serious rush. I feel like I am getting one over on society.

alphaomega

I remember years ago, at my highest consumption (not my worst over all feeling, by the way, just my highest consumption) I had drank every night for 4 straight weeks. Bottles and bottles and bottles of wine.

I remember my DH asking me if I was planning a night off anytime soon.

I couldn't. I was too far gone.

By the time I finally quit, 3 glasses of wine blacked me out.

For shame....

freethinking

God, I can remember this. You are drunk so much every day that sleeping does not sober you up. You wake up drunk, and therefore the 3-4 glasses has you on your a$$.

My hygiene was great during these times...so great that I'd put a hat on to go to the liquor store so nobody could see how greasy my hair had gotten from not showering.

If you are still reading AO, how did your husband tolerate this? You could PM me if not comfortable here. I have had many issues with DH throwing me out actually (legally).

sugarbear1

If I had it, I drank it!

Hearts

freethinking, me too! But, then I'd get all groggy and feel lame because society was being productive and normal and I wasn't.

Aellyce

Freethinking - I think a fifth is a 750 ml bottle. That's what I meant in my post anyway. Yeah, horrible.

freethinking

Yes, and then you become separate from "society" and depression sets in. You become the only one on the planet who is depraved enough to drink like that.

No idea what form of recovery you utilize, but this is why I have recently come to love meetings again. I am part of society when I am around the other alcoholics. Even if only for 1 hour.

Thanks again for responding.

alphaomega

He let me pull the shade on my mind and disappear. And loved me through all of it. That's not to say we had a super fabulous relationship at the time, but he knew I was doing the best I could given my life circumstances. It was literally all I could do to survive.

And neither of us knew how fatal this disease really is. SO there was that.

Now, we are dealing with his issues with opiates that have ramped up over the last few years.

Never a dull moment.

Life.

freethinking

Oh wow. Can I ask how long how you have been sober - and how you did it?

(but I do think a fifth is the flask and the 750ml one is the tall, skinny bottle).

newhope01

Thats how I feel too sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I am outsmarting my fiance when I drink and he doesn't know.

How is that outsmarting anyone? Just goes to show you how stupid I was.

freethinking

Yeah, life . We are so small but these problems seem so big.

So, you opened up a little - you were going through a ****** time when you drank like that?

I am not black and white about drinking like some people are. I think "bad' ( to put it lightly) circumstances (ones not induced by booze) contribute to harder drinking.

This has opening up a can of worms but...I have met people who drank alcoholically, and I have met people who drink like they want to die that night, every night. I drank like I wanted to DIE. Sometimes I wish I had drank heavy instead, and maintained a bit. But instead, I drank like I was trying to kill myself. Literally.

alphaomega

I have no secrets anymore. I realized it was my secrets that kept me sick. So, I just put it ALL out there. Ain't no shame in my game.

My whole life has been a series of maladies. I, like many here, have more excuses to drink than I don't.

I really only have one single reason to stay stopped...

Life is much better without it.

Even the problems, even the bad times, even the fears. It makes NOTHING better and everything a thousand times worse.

It's all I got now. My sobriety.

And its enough.

freethinking

I am really trying to pass the time here....so don't mind my continuous posts but...I met a woman like me a week ago who drinks during the day, just like I did. A mother to three small kids, just like me. Then she told me about how much she drank during a blackout, and I felt like a loser again. She said she had 3 beers and a bottle of wine. I just felt so dumb, and so ashamed. We had so much in common, what with our small kids an all....and then I became the derelict, and she became the frustrated housewife. I asked her to a meeting later just to keep things going, but was turned down, lol.

alphaomega

maybe what you need to focus on here, is not how much or the quantity, but the effect it is having on you. On your health, your parenting, your over all sense of well being.

None of which make you a derelict. It just makes you an alcoholic.

And this gin joint is full of 'em.

freethinking

Yeah, exactly. Let me kill myself in order to get one over on people. I win! Not.

Aellyce

My sobriety time is pretty short so far: it would be 21 days today not counting that I took two sips of a friend's cocktail last Friday

I have never tried to quit before, max I had during the past ~7 years was maybe 3-4 days like twice. Mainly just one day or occasionally 2. I have found it extremely hard to get to a decision that I must do this, I mean I have been wanting to and quite desperately for a while, just no commitment. In the end (this January) I just made a firm decision and on the very day when I had my last drink, I started posting on SR quite frequently. I'm amazed how helpful it's been for me so far! Other that SR, it's AVRT-like approach, and I often "medicate" the cravings with eating (mostly healthy snacks or a normal meal). I'm also trying to make a few radical changes in my lifestyle to reduce my social isolation (I was a lone drinker in the last years), try to reward myself with other things than alcohol, talk with friends (making new friends), and I try to keep very busy. No medical help or therapy or anything else so far, it's really SR that seems to be doing some magic to me And I guess the firm determination that I did not have before. But it's been a short time...

As for withdrawal, I think I'm lucky that I did not have serious problems during the first few days, but I did stay alert and close to the phone and the possibility to rush to the ER if necessary. It was first time detox for me so perhaps that's also a factor as it's supposed to get worse with repetitions.

freethinking

I did AVRT (on here) a couple of years back. It was great. This is neither here nor there, but after relapsing after my surprise 3rd child, I found I was not strong enough for AVRT. I REALLY needed other people. When I was on here before, there was a guy, named "AVRT", who posted daily...often several times a day. But it is slower now and I just need face-to-face contact now.

I really respect AVRT though.

silentrun

That was me as well. I would buy a pint to keep it to that. A pint wasn't doing it anymore. I am sure I could have made it to the bottom of a 5th if I had bought that.

newhope01

And not to be a know-it-all or anything, but 1/5 of a gallon of hard liquor is 750ml or about 3.25 cups. Just in case anyone was curious.