Notices

Slipped up big time last night. So ashamed.

Old 01-26-2014, 11:56 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: California
Posts: 195
I was having a hard time a couple of days ago and I dug up my first post on this forum. It helped a lot to re-read how miserable I was the day after my last bender. Don't even worry about those bar people. Most of them probably won't remember you clearly anyways... They were at a bar, too.
Hearts is offline  
Old 01-27-2014, 04:39 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
 
karate's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Out in the Sticks
Posts: 1,788
I picked up lots of girls in the bars and got picked up by lots of them too ,
Took lots of risks , luckily I never got a STD

The past does not need to define YOUR. Future

Lots of the things I did , I would never do sober .

Don't beat yourself up .

You are a good looking girl , being drunk in the bar is a bad idea , lots of fellows in there looking for a. One nighter don't beat on yourself , most of us have done that bad and more
karate is offline  
Old 01-27-2014, 05:12 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 383
Really good advice from everyone in this thread - I know for me when I read through the Big Book the first time I alternated between laughing and crying because the problem I thought was SO bad and SO unique to me turned out to be run of the mill alcoholism. You're not bad, you're ill, and there is a solution. Hit a meeting, ask for a Big Book (they will give you one if you can't afford it) and you are truly on to a new way of life. Like someone else said, you don't have to live this way - God bless
Climber122 is offline  
Old 01-27-2014, 08:25 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 109
reminders

Using bad things as a reminder I find works for me..to not pick up my first drink today. Or think of what could have happened from your night out. U could have had a terrible accident driving and be locked up in jail right now.
archenemy is offline  
Old 01-27-2014, 09:32 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 14
I think we've all had the seductive internal voice that says "hey you haven't drank for X amount of days so you really don't have a problem...go ahead and reward yourself with a drink or twelve." It certainly tainted my progress in the past. Also, a slightly uncomfortable question: if your husband knows you have a problem why is he doing shots with you?
dwightwin is offline  
Old 01-27-2014, 09:42 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Magsie
 
Mags1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,509
Hi needtostopthis, I know what you're going through, heck, I think we all do. So dust yourself off and start again.

Please don't beat yourself up over this just put it behind you, stand tall and walk on, we are all here to support you if you're feeling a bit wobbly x
Mags1 is offline  
Old 01-27-2014, 10:59 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
part time member
 
LovesToTravel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,910
Does your husband know that you want to quit? He probably should not be drinking shots with you or allowing you to drive a car. Not that it is his fault but very enabling. Perhaps a heart to heart might help. He may be helpful or he may not.

Good Luck. Just take it one day at a time.
LovesToTravel is offline  
Old 01-27-2014, 06:14 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 20
I was exactly were you were. I drank a lot and couldn't stop. I have a child and I'm a single mom plus I have a stressful full time job. I had many attempts and got 12 or 13 days even sober several times. It never lasted. I finally found an out patient program that was available after work and I begged a friend to help me with child care. It really helped me. I'm 78 days sober now. Imagine how much better your child's life will be if you were sober. You would be available to be there for them instead of out with strangers and risking your child's stability. Anyway I got sober for my child and her life is 100% better. That makes me so happy. You can have that too.
pumpkin1 is offline  
Old 01-27-2014, 07:26 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
needtostopthis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 266
I don't think its fair to assume that I was more concerned with broken glass and kissing another guy than my driving drunk. I am beyond filled with guilt about my drinking and driving. I know I may not have wrote how about stupid it was to drink and drive but I know it was. I really don't need to be told that I am not concerned about these things, I am.

Originally Posted by jdooner View Post
You lack the ability to stop bc your brain has been damaged by abusing alcohol and the urge is faster than the part of your brain that controls rational thought. As you drink the governor in your brain becomes slower due to the alcohol and so you become more comfortable taking risks like drinking and driving, which does not seem to bother you at all. In fact, you have a child but seemed more concerned with the broken glass and kissing some random guy than the fact you drove drunk (twice) and could have left you child without a mother or worse killed someone else.

Without a program in place to provide new tools to deal with the situation this will happen over and over until something stops you or you die. AA is a great idea. They will welcome you with open arms, as will all of us here.

Good luck.
needtostopthis is offline  
Old 01-27-2014, 07:31 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
needtostopthis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 266
Originally Posted by Turninganewleaf View Post
need, you have not ruined your life. However, if you keep driving to the bar and driving home drunk you just may ruin your life.
Yes I agree. I should know better then to do this too, because my husband actually crashed his truck and got a DUI when we were still dating. Did it teach me anything? I guess not. I used to always walk to the bar. The thing is I used to not drink THIS much either. I have no rational when I drink these days. I get something in my head and I the booze just tells me to do it. I hate it so much.
needtostopthis is offline  
Old 01-27-2014, 07:36 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
needtostopthis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 266
Originally Posted by dwightwin View Post
I think we've all had the seductive internal voice that says "hey you haven't drank for X amount of days so you really don't have a problem...go ahead and reward yourself with a drink or twelve." It certainly tainted my progress in the past. Also, a slightly uncomfortable question: if your husband knows you have a problem why is he doing shots with you?
He was doing shots with me because he too is an alcoholic sadly. Another reason this is so hard for me.
needtostopthis is offline  
Old 01-27-2014, 11:18 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Member
 
jdooner's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by needtostopthis View Post
I don't think its fair to assume that I was more concerned with broken glass and kissing another guy than my driving drunk. I am beyond filled with guilt about my drinking and driving. I know I may not have wrote how about stupid it was to drink and drive but I know it was. I really don't need to be told that I am not concerned about these things, I am.
Listen - I am not trying to beat you up. You cannot change the past and your lucky. Use the guilt and shame you feel and channel it into resolve to create a better life for yourself and you child. You can break this awful cycle. If you raise your child in an active alcoholic environment he too will likely be afflicted with this disease and no I do not believe this is genetic meaning, we as parents bear that responsibility. You sound young and have so much ahead of you and your family, create a better life. AA has done wonders for so many people and can help, particularly with what you need early on too.

I wish you the best and am always here if you ever have any questions.
jdooner is offline  
Old 01-28-2014, 05:22 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Member
 
TucTee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 158
Sometimes it's the hardest nights which are most beneficial for recovery. You are definitely capable of sobering up, you just need the right motivation. Hopefully you have it now and will be successful going forward. Outpatient treatment may be helpful if you want to step up the intensity of recovery.
TucTee is offline  
Old 01-28-2014, 08:56 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
I used to find that when I teased the beast by getting sober for a week it would hit me like a freight train when I picked up again. Moderation just made my drunkside mad. Once I stopped feeding him at all he finally stopped howling.
gaffo is offline  
Old 01-28-2014, 01:21 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Member
 
DoubleBarrel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
You can come back here whenever you want, click on MY POSTS and re-read your account of what happened.

We have short memories, and that damn addictive voice just tells us this time will be different.

Thats true, its different, sometimes its worse.

Perhaps reading your own words can remind you of the insanity that ensues when we drink, once we've lost control, we don't get it back anymore.
DoubleBarrel is offline  
Old 01-28-2014, 02:30 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Sounds like you are in a lot of pain. Anybody that is doing what you are doing is dealing with some serious issues. I don't think the drinking is the major problem but the reasons you are drinking. Sounds like you have a good family. Maybe you feel you don't deserve it and you are doing what you can to undermine it. There are some treatment centers that regulate cost depending on what the person can afford. You might want to look into that. Being away from your family might be tough, for you and your family, but it might be the best thing for you. Going to a treatment center means you can relax and focus on you. It might give you the tools to deal with the everyday problems in a more positive way. Removing yourself from your life will help you to see things differently. Go for it!
2muchpain is offline  
Old 01-28-2014, 05:07 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Member
 
karate's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Out in the Sticks
Posts: 1,788
Any one that has not done at least that much is

1- not a drunk

2- a liear
karate is offline  
Old 01-28-2014, 05:12 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
Member
 
Mountainmanbob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by needtostopthis View Post

I was so ashamed and admitted to my husband I kissed a guy and he was upset of course but sadly he is used to my behavior at this point and I feel he doesn't even care anymore.
I usually don't say this straight out
because it's hard to know if another is alcoholic
but
please stop drinking
things don't look good in the direction you are heading

I went down that road for many years
the suffering get's worse

Mountainman
Mountainmanbob is offline  
Old 01-31-2014, 06:20 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
needtostopthis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 266
This is for Jdooner. I wanted to thank you for your first post you made on this thread. I know I seemed upset at what you wrote but I must say what you wrote actually helped me so much this week. I remember sitting in my bathtub reflecting on things and I thought about what you wrote about myself leaving my child without a mother and it just dawned on me how right you were and how idiotic I had been. Your words have actually really helped me get through this week. I think I needed someone to tell me the harsh reality of what I did and how I seemed to selfish. Thank you.
needtostopthis is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:51 PM.