DoPerdition

My mother-in-law has been trying to get me to take a part time job with a friend of hers bartending. She did not know I had quit drinking at the time and it is a really great position with the potential to make full time money with part time hours. When she mentioned it off hand, I said thank you but did not commit to anything.

A few weeks later, she brought it up with my SO. He felt compelled to tell her about my decision to quit and hoped that would be the end of it. Instead she seems to think I am being lazy or ungrateful and has the attitude of "well then just don't drink." I think she believes I am using it as an excuse to stay home.

(The truth is, my SO and I have decided as a family that I am going to stay home with our son since we want to have another baby in less than a year. He didn't seem to want to tell her that though). I have told her that I really do appreciate the offer and I know she means well but that it will just be too tempting. I just don't think she gets it.

Has this happened to anyone else? I feel like I have had to share a little too much of my personal problems to make it clear just how bad it really was. It is humiliating. Why can't people just take "no thank you" for an answer and trust that there really is a good reason. I have NEVER been a lazy person and used to work like a dog before I had my son. I even worked six days a week up until the day I gave birth.

I'm really hurt over this and I am a natural people pleaser so I don't know how to make everyone happy here. I guess I can't. I do know that sobriety will be my priority but we've always had a great relationship and I want to keep it that way.

jdooner

I am glad you shared. Its tough, most people don't understand addiction (alcoholism). Its like getting into a debate with someone who is ignorant - its not her fault she just does not understand. Is it affecting you and your SO or is it just bothersome? If its affecting the two of you then maybe sit down with her and explain. Explain that its not healthy for her grandchild or son for you to be around alcohol. If she still feels your just lazy, well I think she has other things going on then.

BTW - I don't see this as the end of your relationship with her.

Good luck.

DoPerdition

Thank you. She really is a wonderful person and I know that part of this is a me issue. My SO just made me feel better too and said I shouldn't be ashamed of my drinking but instead be proud of my sobriety. He is really great and supportive.

jdooner

You should be proud - very proud. The ripple effect of this disease is amazing, particularly for parents. You child and the other one you and you SO will be raising need loving, engaged parents. The early years are so important too.

Have a talk with her if your SO agrees and maybe educate her. I can't believe she would think the same way if she knew the context.

Dee74

I'm not sure there is any educating some people tho. My family still offer me drinks.

They don't get it - for them the matter is very up and down and clear cut - control yourself....



D

Kris47

I might not be in the position I found myself in if I hadn't started working in restaurants, lounges, bars, resorts. Best to stay clear of anything that just might tempt you to start drinking again.

My major was in Bus Administration but I really majored in drinking.

DoPerdition

I know what you mean about majoring in drinking. I was a bar manager with an endless tab for years. I worked to enable my drinking in an environment that encouraged daily binges. Best to avoid the temptation!

Plus who wants a bartender who doesn't drink? When I was drinking, I would have found it off putting if I knew.

Kris47

People love a fun bartender and all the perks from being a regular customer. (Drunk) Glad to be out of that situation now. I loved all my friends on the back bar way too much.

Now, I find it exciting actually, to be sober. I still have my moments and pray that I can do this. I have turned down some nice invitations to go out to dinner cuz I know what the night will turn into.

GracieLou

My ex called me before the new year and wanted to know if I wanted to go to a new years eve bar party with him.

I had to remind him that I quit drinking...again!