bigsombrero

I had a dream last night that featured a drinking situation. I went to dinner with a stranger, and ordered a NON-alcoholic beer (in a secret whisper to the waiter) because I wanted to hide the fact that I didn't drink. She was ordering wine, and I just wanted to enjoy our date and not deal with the whole discussion. Of course, some friends in recovery happened to see me order the beer - which made me feel terribly guilty and I scrambled to tell them that I was still sober! It made my heart sink and I woke up feeling troubled.

I've been meeting a lot of new people lately, and to be honest I am still concerned about my image. I'm coming up on 19 months sober and I don't want "RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC" scrawled across my forehead in bold letters when I walk the streets. Part of me feels like it's become my defining and most memorable characteristic....and I'm sick of it.

KateL

Nineteen months is fantastic. I know what you mean about not wanting it to define you. I used to feel like some sort of alien at times. Perhaps it was me thinking others would think badly of me when, in fact, people rarely did. But after a while, I figured that if people were made to feel uncomfortable that I didn't drink they could lump it and weren't the people for me. I still have many drinking friends and they don't give my non-drinking a second thought because they are good people and used to it. Give yourself more time and you will just be a non-drinker. It won't define you, there are many areas in life where drink doesn't even come into play xxxxxxxxx

aasharon90

I am grateful when I have non drinking
dreams because it lets me know that my
recovery program is working for me. I
want to be so absorbed with recovery
that when I have one of those moments
that put me to the test, I will be ready
and armed with the tools and knowledge
of recovery to save me from killing myself.

I was thinking yesterday about how much
alcohol and drug addiction is so alive and
well in todays world that Alcoholics Anonymous
shouldn't be anonymous anymore.

Those of us who are living and breathing
recovery need to take a stand in the world
to the voice of recovery and let others know
addiction kills and that there are programs
in place to help them today.

It shouldnt be a secret anymore, imo.

I am proud to stand in recovery and would
shout it from the roof tops in order to help
others in need.

Just my thoughts.

RobbyRobot

Defining ourselves is a selective process, and we choose for ourselves how the process reflects on our persona. Sure, I'm a recovered alcoholic, but this is not an important descriptor of me everywhere I go, lol. In fact, unless pressed, I don't volunteer such information to my back story unless withholding such info has me coming off being disingenuous. When I do speak to it though, I'm not embarrassed or otherwise bothered because becoming sober is an awesome achievement in my life. People openly appreciate my being respectful of them, and often enough they are soon sharing bits of their back story and successes as well.

You know, being sober is not an indication of your supposed weakness, but much more an indication of your resolution and strength to enjoy a healthy and responsible lifestyle. No shame in that, bigsombrero.

tomsteve

wellll, recovering alcoholic is better than practicing drunk, isn't it?
my friend, I might burst yer bubble like mine was: you may not be so important that everyone knows or cares. most of them folks on the street prolly don't even notice you exist.
changing yer thinkin will change yer attitude.
don't worry about what others think about ya. work on how you think about yourself and what ya gotta do to change it.

KateL

Nice post Robby xxxx

KateL

Ooooh, you are a harsh one I love your last line though xxxxxx

regeneration

hello, I think about this bigsombrero. I can remember seeing a hypnotherapist/NLP guy who said to me, "Let your weakness become your strength," when I was first getting sober.

At the time, I thought "really?" I can remember feeling such a loser. But there are a lot of people out there who are struggling with life, not just alcoholics, I think that being sober does give us a chance to start building up again and put a solid foundation in place to enable us to have a fulfilling life (for me, it's about learning to deal with the day to day ins and outs).

Don't get me wrong, I'd still give a lot to have not have wasted decades on my drinking, but I think it's also a great opportunity. Being a recovering alcoholic is one facet of us, but it's something that can help us build and move forward. Those I see struggling are human, and it's good that we have the opportunity that for whatever reason others (non-alcoholics and alcoholics alike) may not always have. I used to think that as alcoholics or whatever we are the really sick ones, then I've started to think we are all fallible, and it's about acceptance and dealing with that.

And congrats on 19 months, I've got just over a year, I'm trying to build on mine

bigsombrero

Completely agree. As I said, I think it's more of an active thought right now because I'm going through a period of "making new friends", or at least I finally have a stronger desire to do so. Upon recovery I kind of cleaned house in the friends department and I'm starting from scratch in my mid-30s. In the back of my mind, I feel like I'm hiding something that I have a duty to disclose. If I don't mention that I'm in recovery, I feel like I'm doing a disservice to myself and the standards I've set up. Like if you met a priest or a monk, or something...and they didn't bother to mention it. Aren't they doing a disservice to their own beliefs by not disclosing this? I guess I am conflicted - as part of me wants to make sure and tell new friends about this, because if I don't...I worry I'll start moving away from recovery. I dunno.

Nevertheless

When I was younger I used to worry about my "image". I worried a lot about what other people thought. Yet I would go out in public with the very same people and constantly get fallen down drunk.
I still care about my image to an extent. But I will not pretend to be someone that I am not. It is uncomfortable for me. Sooner or later my true feelings will come out. So I open with all my cards on the table. That way I know we are all playing the same game. And nobody's time is wasted.
I wouldn't see you as someone with "RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC" scrawled across your fore head. I would see you as someone that does not drink.
I myself have NO problem telling people I don't drink,or I don't drink anymore. I honestly see it as no obstacle,because I have no desire to be around that way of life anymore anyway.
Just my opinion.... Fred

LadyBlue0527

How true this is. Right up there with


“You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt

bigsombrero, congrats on almost 19 months! I do totally get what you're saying even though I do agree with tomsteve and I also put in the additional quote. It comes down to whether we will someday feel comfortable about ourselves rather than worrying about other's reactions. You have to not care what other people think. Easier said than done but that's what it comes down to. When I'm posed with a question about not drinking such as "Why don't you drink?" (which has been rarely) my reply is a very matter of fact "Because I just don't". The tone inflection is happy, comfortable, secure, and confident. For some really strange and odd reason that sets the person inquiring at ease. Or at least it does in my own head. Either way, it helps. Maybe it's just a mind game that I play with myself but hey, it works.

bigsombrero

Apologies, but I did not intend this to become a "what will others think of me?" thread.

I think that I am troubled by the fact that I, MYSELF, am struggling moving beyond identifying as more than a "recovering alcoholic". This is how I see myself and think of myself. It's at the core of my self-identity right now.

I am sick of seeing myself as a wounded animal.

tomsteve

how bout considerin yer self a spiritual being having a human experience?
I don't think these problems are limited to alcoholics.

huntingtontx

Hi bigsombrero, Congrats on 19 months. That is great. How about consider yourself a role model and hero for all of us who are walking behind you. I look forward one day to 19 months. That would be so great. I proudly say I quit cigarettes 35 years ago, and I proudly say I quit alcohol 6 months ago. I love having power over two addictive and dangerous things. It makes me feel good. I am happy to be the non drinker in a crowd. I want to define myself as an addict free person. You are my hero, you and all the others who are gaining time. I know I can do this because I see others doing this. Thank you for being strong and walking in front of us. We are watching and following.

jdooner

BS - are you in therapy? I know exactly what you are saying and I can also imagine its even tougher being single and dating as drinking is such a social lubricant. I can tell you for me self identify and self image had everything to do with my drinking and using. With the booze and drugs gone and less time than you but still 5 months I find that for me its less about just keeping sober and more about dealing with life and figuring out who I am and who I want to be. I don't think these issues are mutually exclusive. I see a complex union between self image, addiction and the void we are trying to fill through a substance or behavior that we know is not good for us. This is my experience - congrats on the 19 months and good job asking some tough questions.

I also think dreams are your subconscious being filled up and spilling over. They often give us a glimpse or what is really on your mind - sober we can actually remember them:-)

Warhawk

You ever think of yourself as "someone who doesn't drink" rather than a "recovering alcoholic"?
My sponsor told me that when friends ask about it, just tell them I don't drink anymore and leave it at that. If they press me, just tell them that I'm doing it for health reasons.
I don't paint myself into a corner though. I try to avoid folks & situations I know are booze centered.
Hang in there, Sombrero.

caboblanco

No..nobody even knows really. I don't think most people care either

LadyBlue0527

Ok, I understand better now what you're saying. I think that we've all asked ourselves that same question.

The answer is that if that's how you choose to define yourself then that's how you're going to feel. No one can change the way you feel about yourself but you. The happier you are about being sober the easier that will be.

I like this question from Warhawk:

You ever think of yourself as "someone who doesn't drink" rather than a "recovering alcoholic"?

Looking at the positive and practicing that daily helps a lot.

soberhawk

I just consider myself someone that does not drink.

I do not see it as I have a problem. I had a problem before I realized that I should stay away from alcohol – I have one problem less after I realized that.

I see no reason to tell anyone about, most people do not know I have taken this decision. They can see I am not drinking but I have not explained why.

karate

We make a bigger deal out of not drinking than it really is .

Some people don't drink , in fact lots of people don't drink at all

It's not an issue to them .