CAPTAINZING2000

This is the one disease no one likes to disclose. You tell everyone you're a cancer survivor and everyone understands. You tell them you're kicking the drinks @ss every day and are in recovery and only another alcoholic understands .

foolsgold66

Scott, you are a good person. I thank you for your posts.

I get what you are talking about BS. Maybe it just has to be this way, to survive?

RobbyRobot

Well, for this someone it does, of course, and I don't now drink, and never will drink. Generalizing is never really helpful, imo. I don't make bones on the idea you personally have no need for the word 'alcoholic' and its implied meaning, but your suggesting your personal views can be applied generally to include, say me, as that someone... not so much.

tomsteve

my sponsor used to get pretty frustrate with all the questions I had." tom," hed say,"yer causin paralysis by analysis. yer learnin a lot with all the questions and its good to ask, but take it easy."

he can still say that to me. I complicate cornflakes.

freshstart57

Understood, and your point is taken well. Generalization from the specific to a whole population is a logical error. To be clear, I was really addressing Big Sombrero, not you. In fact I wasn't really addressing anyone but BigS.

aasharon90

tomsteve....I was just outside trying to hang
a simple little green suet bird feeder and was
struggling with it. Eventually my husband met
me to offer help as soon as I got it in place.

We sat down for a spell as I explained how I
get aggivated with the simpliest task. I told
him, its like going down the cereal isle tying
to figure out what box to buy with all the choices
they have.

I told him, if I could just have 2 choices instead
of many id be happy. And I laugh reading how
you can complicate cornflakes.....lol

I certainly understand....

foolsgold66

So, lets get small. A relapsed alcoholic has the potential to cause a lot of damage. Should we wear a sign? I dunno.

RobbyRobot

RobbyRobot

As you say then, not talking to me, or any other person it would then follow who choses to use the idea of being an alcoholic, along with its implied meanings. Awesome.

hypochondriac

An old counsellor when I was maybe 5 months sober kept asking me about my identity. It was probably the worst thing they could have said! I had no fecking idea what my identity was supposed to be, the previous 12 years were defined by my drinking, even before that, my entire adult life. how the hell was I meant to know what my new identity was after a few months sober...? Even now I struggle with that question. But I have decided it doesn't matter. If anything I have a 'me' identity, my identity has nothing to do with what I do, what I may or may not eat or drink, my job or even my interests. People are much too complex to be boiled down to anything so identifiable as an identity. The way I see it I am the result of the decisions I make today, I am not my past. I don't have to explain myself to anyone or even try and justify myself to myself. I am trying to live in the moment.

As far as the wounded animal goes, I get this. I see myself as flawed somehow, that I have failed by not being perfect (I am a perfectionist, a bad one). I like a description of this by a buddhist monk Ajahn Brahm, who said that it is our flaws that make us interesting. He talks about walking through the forest and how boring it would be if all the trees looked the same and that it is their differences and flaws which make them beautiful. I always think of that when I am struggling with this. Everyone has some issue to deal with, something they are embarrassed to tell people or which they struggle to come to terms with. The important thing is that you're doing it, that even if you find it hard you make some effort to deal with it rather than shoving it under the carpet which is what I did all my drinking years.

I have had to tell a few people about my drinking recently and was happy to note that it didn't elicit any emotional response from me, no one freaked out or tried to make me drink, and even if they did I feel strong enough to take care of myself, mainly because having some active recovery in my life keeps me reminded about why I am doing this. I am not a recovering alcoholic (I shy away from that word but will happily use it to identify myself to other addicts) but a person who happens to not drink and likes to hang out with people who are struggling because I think I can help, and helping them helps me. But when I am not doing that I am a different person entirely. My identity changes constantly x

karate

Great post , I never gave much thought to people's opinions either
And it's not their business .

tomsteve

its the dam toilet paper isle for me!!

PhaseTwo

It feels like a defining characteristic to us, because it is so important to us. But if we mention it to other people they see it as just another tidbit of information about you. " he likes this music, works here, oh by the way also doesn't drink."

It's only a defining characteristic if you let it be. I think we need to find some kind of middle ground between 100 percent focus on recovery, and not worrying at all. Obviously tough because it is important to us, and I'd rather be too focused than not concerned with it at all.

Dee74

No need to remove posts - your POV is valid Scott.

BigS - I felt like you did about identity - I wondered whether instead of being bound up in drinking I was bound up in not drinking...

I figured as long as I did drink I'd work it out...and I did, in time.

I kept building a new sober life, making new sober friends - not making a big deal about my non drinking with most folks beyond a simple no thanks I don't drink.

Eventually I was just Dee again - I'm a musician, a volunteer here, a brother, a son, a loving partner, a guy who badly needs a cup of coiffee right now..and a guy in recovery....

my recovery is a major part of me, but it's not a defining characteristic - I'm just Dee who doesn't drink.

Working out who we are can take a while, but it's well worth the journey BigS...keep moving forward

D

Notimetoloose

Hey Big, Congrats on the 19 months, it is wonderful.
I have had many thoughts relating to your post, a couple of things I personally feel.

There definitely needs to be a debriefing from where you have come from.
If you had any other illness that had the potential to take your life out or derail it as significantly as alcohol has. Chances are that you would have the freedom to share the experience.
Personally, I would find a few people, perhaps a therapist that you can feel safe in talking about your journey and recovery.
Get it out of the dark and hopefully put an end to the anxiety dreams.

I am in my mid 50's, I have no desire to share all the details of my life or life experiences, when I was young it seemed important, even into my 30's it seemed important to open up to all the things that happened in my life. Especially to significant people.

I quit a 15 year opium addiction 28 years ago and smoking 4½ years ago. I feel such an indifference to both of those substances, I know that I will never use either of them again. However they are totally different.
You tell people you have given up the cigs and it is a pat on the back all round.
Telling people you gave up heroin, even 28 years later they can look at you like something nasty they could catch if they're not careful. Our current society influences a lot of our feelings.

Telling people you are a recovered/recovering alcoholic can unnerve some, threaten others, be ammunition for others, insight compassion, open up a dialogue in others, indifference in others.

Deckard

Over time, open wounds become scars. Doesn't mean they go away. But they don't have to hurt the same way.

Scott6433

I believe it was on here somewhere that I read something to the effect of once we quit drinking we then can rediscover the beautifully complex and interesting personalities that led us to drinking to begin with. I.e. I don't look at us as recovering alcoholics. I look at us as a lot of very unique, interesting, talented, smart, beautiful, extraordinary human beings brought together thanks to a unifying factor which does not define us by any means imaginable.