I relapsed... and my mind is playing many tricks on me. What are your experiences?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Out in the Sticks
Posts: 1,788
Every time I start back it goes like this -.day 1 , buy a 24 oz
Beer .day 2 same thing , day 3 buy 2-24 oz beers , by day 6-7
I'll be buying a 6 pack of tall boys , drink 4 of them . Then I will finish them off the next morning if I'm off. .
When 2 weeks have passed , I will be up to a 6 pack a day , and drink all day if I'm off .
By this point I'm up to 8-10 beers a day when I'm off .
At least now I see it and put on the brakes.
At the very least , now I can feel it coming on and get it stopped .
Beer .day 2 same thing , day 3 buy 2-24 oz beers , by day 6-7
I'll be buying a 6 pack of tall boys , drink 4 of them . Then I will finish them off the next morning if I'm off. .
When 2 weeks have passed , I will be up to a 6 pack a day , and drink all day if I'm off .
By this point I'm up to 8-10 beers a day when I'm off .
At least now I see it and put on the brakes.
At the very least , now I can feel it coming on and get it stopped .
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
That fact that you posted what you did shows me that you have a serious problem. Non alcoholics do not ask such questions, or search hours for change for a beer, or black out, or think it is normal to black out.
So blacking out is ok as long as you don't hurt someone? So I suppose that when you do hurt someone you'll decide to stop. When will that be? Do You know? Do you know what you have done in a black out? What if you have already hurt someone and don't remember.
So blacking out is ok as long as you don't hurt someone? So I suppose that when you do hurt someone you'll decide to stop. When will that be? Do You know? Do you know what you have done in a black out? What if you have already hurt someone and don't remember.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 22
Hey Whosthisguy...
Yes, I "resigned" from AA many times. Here's the beauty of alcoholsim, if you have it, it will continually bring you back to quitting. Meaning, as long as you can stay alive when you go back out - if you are an alcoholic - there is not running away from this thing. So, the good news is you don't need to spend any time wondering if you're an alcoholic - it will be revealed to you.
If you are trying to control your drinking or quitting drinking - then starting drinking again, then controlling again, etc... there is your answer.
I've been sober now 21 months and it gets easier. I don't think about drinking very often now. Life is so much better without it. I am so much more aware of how bad my drinking really was now that I am removed from it.
If you have a desire to stop drinking - then you qualify for AA. If you aren't sure you're an alcoholic, just be honest with yourself going forward and your truth will be revealed to you.
Best of luck man!
Yes, I "resigned" from AA many times. Here's the beauty of alcoholsim, if you have it, it will continually bring you back to quitting. Meaning, as long as you can stay alive when you go back out - if you are an alcoholic - there is not running away from this thing. So, the good news is you don't need to spend any time wondering if you're an alcoholic - it will be revealed to you.
If you are trying to control your drinking or quitting drinking - then starting drinking again, then controlling again, etc... there is your answer.
I've been sober now 21 months and it gets easier. I don't think about drinking very often now. Life is so much better without it. I am so much more aware of how bad my drinking really was now that I am removed from it.
If you have a desire to stop drinking - then you qualify for AA. If you aren't sure you're an alcoholic, just be honest with yourself going forward and your truth will be revealed to you.
Best of luck man!
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 28,801
No such thing as a moderate alcoholic. K-
"The vast majority of alcoholics who talk themselves into thinking they can return to "normal" drinking find that they quickly return to unsafe or binge drinking. The problem is that by the time they find out that they are not capable of moderating their drinking, it is too late. It takes many of them years to find recovery again and unfortunately some never make it back."
"The vast majority of alcoholics who talk themselves into thinking they can return to "normal" drinking find that they quickly return to unsafe or binge drinking. The problem is that by the time they find out that they are not capable of moderating their drinking, it is too late. It takes many of them years to find recovery again and unfortunately some never make it back."
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by whosthisguy 
I blacked out a couple times, but I feel like everyone blacks out.
especially a couple of times in a fairly short period of time
I went back out drinking a few times
usually I held it all together for a while
usually followed by a still worse relapse
Mountainman
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 639
I will just throw something in here since many people have already posted what happened for me when I picked up after some sober time and some AA. That is I have been told, the majority of true alcoholics die drunk. And I don't mean to be harsh, but when I say if I went back out I may not make it back that's what I refer to.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by DoubleBarrel
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Originally Posted by jdooner
This brings tears to my eyes...I have no forgiveness for this even though I could have been that driver.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 442
ive tried tons of times to moderate, but im pulled towards drinking more and more as time progresses.
I think if thats the case for you (and you can obviously try and see what happens) then you also cannot moderate. If not, then you need to make a choice...
I think if thats the case for you (and you can obviously try and see what happens) then you also cannot moderate. If not, then you need to make a choice...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by whosthisguy
It's so funny... I didn't even realize I was blaming the program for my slip but I kind of am. Inside, I'm thinking... if AA didn't make a big deal out of drinking, I wouldn't be labeled an alcoholic. If AA didn't only talk about alcohol, I wouldn't be thinking about alcohol so much. Lol. 
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
It took a long time and many attempts at drinking to realize that it all leads right back to the same place. Eventually it's just not worth it anymore. The cleanup of the mess and dealing with yourself becomes harder than working on sobriety and that's when the scales finally tip.
Your mind will play any and all games to convince you that this time will be different. It won't, it's just a matter of time.
I have never heard someone who had a drinking problem pick up again and proclaim that this time it finally worked and that everything is a-ok. Ever. Either they go out and then they come back to try again or they come to terms with the fact that they will live a life of ruin until alcohol kills them and they only accept that fact just so they can continue on.
It's one or the other and no in between.
Your mind will play any and all games to convince you that this time will be different. It won't, it's just a matter of time.
I have never heard someone who had a drinking problem pick up again and proclaim that this time it finally worked and that everything is a-ok. Ever. Either they go out and then they come back to try again or they come to terms with the fact that they will live a life of ruin until alcohol kills them and they only accept that fact just so they can continue on.
It's one or the other and no in between.
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