jdooner

You have lots to work I can tell. Trust me in saying this you can't go from zero to 100 in this process. You have decades of habits that cannot be fixed right away. You have to get sober before any real work can occur. Then I think you will find self awareness is like the great journey you will ever take. You will wonder why you used substances to transcend. None of this can be accomplished without sobriety though. Aw is right - you have to just put one foot in front of the other. This site is anonymous so its great to vent and put things out. You are also in the company of others that get you, like me. I have walked in your shoes - perhaps different chemicals and circumstances but been there.

First thing first is getting sober though. How are you going to start? Do you have a plan?

Dee74

Everyone whos responded here cares

I understand the despair and I understand how hard it all seems, but SR helped me turn my life around...I know we can help you turn yours around too

D

iam2antsy

i started drinking when my dad & his health went down hill & he needed help. he was always mean & ornery & didn't want any help. i was like don't want my help, i'm not going to push it. he lived to 90. it hurt so much to see him suffer for a few years. he was always such a god love'n catholic man. went to church every day when he could (i started skipping church when i was 16) so unfair he suffered so much. i thought it was karma - i'm so rotten, he had to suffer because of that

Dee74

I don't think you were the cause of his suffering Iam - karmas not transferable

90 is an amazing age to live too - things are bound to go wrong tho if we live long enough, I think.

iam2antsy

can't edit my last post because of 15 minutes, wtf?

...so,

think it's easier to lose someone fast & unexpected.

i don't want to linger...

i sure don't want to live to 90

iam2antsy

you know the saying though ~ karma is a b*tch.

he was in pain for way too long

jdooner

Honestly I am I don't think you know what you want at the moment. What you will regret is thinking you know what you want then getting sober and being limited in life based on choices you made when you could not have not what a sober you really wants. This my friend is one of the saddest parts of addiction but the truth.

EndGameNYC

Loss is loss, but I get your point. From one perspective, each and every one of us lingers.

Some people remember us when we die because of our achievements, or how wealthy we were. Or the number of friends we accumulate on Facebook. Other people remember us for our willingness to relieve suffering with our sense of humor, our caring, and the time we freely give to those who are less fortunate than we are. And there are always people who are less fortunate.

One way to get that comforting hand you crave to reach out and hold you is to reach out first. Volunteering is a great way to connect with your loving parts, your loving nature. If you can't stand being around people, try a vet, a kennel or a compassionate animal shelter.

There is always someone like you and, like me for a time, who needs someone to show they care.

Mags1

We give a damn, iam2antsy, visit us post all you like, we've all been through hell, we can relate.

iam2antsy

jd - i know i don't have a clue...more than willing to accept that. if i felt somebody i know would just hold my freak'n hand, have my back ~ that'd be great

iam2antsy

endgamenyc...actually, i would like to volunteer @ the humane society. i checked it out - but, they require you have a current tetanus shot & proof of. the past 2 years i've blown off a blood test my dr. rx'd for fear what the alcohol may tell...so i don't want to call just for a tetanus shot because they'll look @ my chart & see i blew it off again :/

Grungehead

That is what this forum does! Yes it's virtual instead of physical but if you stick around you will be surprised at how much comfort and compassion the people here will give you. All you have to do is show up and share what's on your mind.

iam2antsy

endgamenyc...lol, i'm a glutton for punishment though. i've taken in 3 feral cats (i kinda tamed them, they'll always be a little freaky) & 1 from the shelter. and i'm allergic to cats, sniffly, sneezy & the 1 from the pound/shelter gives me asthma. but i love them & couldn't part with them

jdooner

I will take your hand and many others will too. We have all been where you are. This is he point of this community to help. You have to want it though and it's tough work. Most of us want the quiz fix and this is not that. Can't get the results without the work. But we are here for you to take your hand and help guide you!

Mags1

This is a great community, iam2antsy, I've never met anyone at SR, but they are my friends, have helped and nurtured and coaxed me through dark times.

Stay with us, post and read. I'm sure we can help you. Sendings big hugs to you, iam2antsy xx

EndGameNYC

With all you've been putting yourself through, it's time you got a comprehensive physical.

Failing that, here in the States you can get a tetanus shot at Walgreens.

iam2antsy

i know...i just hate dr's i've never gone for the yearly gyn thing (i have no kids) & just go to a family dr since i have asthma & need advair

iam2antsy

good to know i can go to walgreens for a tetanus shot - get my meds @ krogers & wondered if they did that

iam2antsy

nevermind

Mags1

Gorgeous, I love cats, had them all my life xthey look well happy and settled x