Tetra

I find nights very hard. It's after 11pm and I know I won't sleep until the small hours.

Today was pretty miserable. The weather has been bad for the past three days and I couldn't go out for my usual walks. My TV broke as well so I can't even watch a movie.

I used to ADORE reading. I could read 4-5 books a week. I have stacks of books everywhere but I can't seem to concentrate lately. When I was on holiday last December, I had no TV and no laptop and I read 6 books that week. Last week when I was watching a movie, I had to keep hitting pause to get up and do something.

I saw my GP this week for something. I am not depressed, just at night when my parents are in bed I find my mind wanders.

I feel that my sobriety takes up a lot of my thoughts. (And everyone elses as well.) Sometimes I would like a break from the constant lectures and fussing and worry. I am trying to leave "the old me" in the past but it's so hard.

It's Friday night. I should be out doing something but I am sitting at home. I was never a huge fan of pubs or clubs but I used to adore the theatre and I enjoy going to the cinema. A lot of my friends are in relationships or working, so they don't have as much time anymore.

It's almost the end of January and I haven't done one thing on my 2014 list. I am only 33 but I feel old before my time. My sister pointed out to me today that I am starting to get wrinkles Is this all there is to life?

My dream of travelling to India for 2-3 months seems very far away tonight...

I am hoping to go away for the weekend in a few weeks so at least I can look forward to that. It's a pity that my parents house is so far out the country. I feel so isolated.

On the bright side I have a job interview next week. My Gran said I am welcome to stay with her anytime...I am fighting hard to stay on the bright side x

jaynie04

Tetra, I think you are a great writer, I always enjoy your posts, and you have a talent for making the reader feel present. I am so inspired by how positive you remain, I know things aren't always easy at home. I think staying with your Gran sounds like a nice break, sometimes just a change of scenery does me good.

Dee74

why not go stay with your Gran again Tetra?

D

PurpleKnight

Hey Tetra, night times can be hard, that's why I'm on SR all the time in the evenings.

This job interview could be the opening of many doors, you can start maybe going out and checking out movies/theatre at the weekends again, maybe save for that trip to India.

Hell we're only at Jan 24th, plenty of time, you don't want to have your list completed by June, wondering why you hadn't made a bigger list to fill the other 6 months!!

Hang in there, doors will start to open, even if it will cost us all a few wrinkles here or there!!

least

Sending you positive thoughts for your job interview.

Tetra

Thank you very much I am one step closer to my book dream

Tetra

That's my plan and I will Only thing is I will be sleeping on the couch as my newly widowed aunt has taken over what I call "my room". But I don't care about that as she lives right in the city centre.

Actually on a more serious note my Gran told me today that my aunt is hitting the bottle pretty hard since my uncle died. Gran told me that she thinks my aunt is a "raging alcoholic". I haven't been around her much in the past few weeks but we shall see...I guess I am hoping she will get through this and not take the path I did.

bigsombrero

You're writing, thinking of visiting your Gran and staying in the city again, you have a job interview to think about, and dreaming of travels in a far away land...hey, these are PERFECT things to ponder as you are awake into the wee hours on a Friday night! The activity of the day dies down, it's quiet, and you can be alone with your thoughts. It sounds like these nights are not too bad after all...especially when you have such positive and interesting topics to ponder.