what the **** is this ?!??!!???
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 45
what the **** is this ?!??!!???
Im not sorry for having the implant
Im happy i wont drink ever again
Ist its a littel creepy and unpleasent to know if youl drink your die and your next beer will be inly in the next life time
Only in the next life time
Not in this
No no, not even a sip of wine
Kinda scares the **** out of me bud i wont forget wht would happen to me if i wouldnt
Just shared it with you to be honest, its not all so easy and happy
Anyway
Found out i cant stand my husband, he stoped drinking after me
But stiil, his not Comited like i am
COUS HE WONT DIE OF ONE BEEN!!!he didnt do that develish deal!!!
like, i feel i will never can explain the frustraishion
I dont know if it is frustraishen
I feel like i hate him
Told him all of that
Took the ring of
Showed him im sereus, its like that for a week now
I dont know if its exam time or sobriety or boredom
Gooooooood the bordooooommmmmmmmm
Its like i sold my drunk soul to the devil
And he asked for something payment-and i gave it
Not knowing whar it is u give
Just gave it
Stull dont know what it is
But i guess i had needed that
Cous i feel im going crazy
Im very depresed
Im very lonly
I miss the litel rituals of going to the park with husband and drinking a beer tqlking and planing our future and its us against the world
Now its like there is no us
Its like its never was!!!!!
I miss him
I wanna hug him and hide there
With no alcohol thers no where to hide
Nowere, your out there, 24/7, dealing and forsed to wait for time ti pass
Your brain want to rest, to pass out, atleast for one evening
But he cant, and never will can
Im so sad im so tired im so lonely
Husband was my only friend in the world
But, he dosnt listen; he dosnt get it
He makes me so mad and i just can deal with one kore ******* emotion!!! Not even ine!!! So its just make me hate him for making me angy!
I want a new life, not to deal in a new way with old stuff
I want to be left alone
Sorry for speling mistakes or leter forgeting
Im on my mobil, still in bed
Scared of the thought that my only option is to leave all and start all over
I dont want to
But all here is a reminder of my creepy desition
Im scared of my thoughts
Of the bravenes of sober my
Of the confident and power
Of the hunger for lufe and exitment of sober me
I have soverd up for first time in my life and saw that all my life is a lie
I dont like any of this
I want more
I want other people
I want othe options
I want all new and difrent
I dont eant to be here
Is this i fase? It will pass? Please tell me it would ******* pass!!!!!!!!!!!
Im happy i wont drink ever again
Ist its a littel creepy and unpleasent to know if youl drink your die and your next beer will be inly in the next life time
Only in the next life time
Not in this
No no, not even a sip of wine
Kinda scares the **** out of me bud i wont forget wht would happen to me if i wouldnt
Just shared it with you to be honest, its not all so easy and happy
Anyway
Found out i cant stand my husband, he stoped drinking after me
But stiil, his not Comited like i am
COUS HE WONT DIE OF ONE BEEN!!!he didnt do that develish deal!!!
like, i feel i will never can explain the frustraishion
I dont know if it is frustraishen
I feel like i hate him
Told him all of that
Took the ring of
Showed him im sereus, its like that for a week now
I dont know if its exam time or sobriety or boredom
Gooooooood the bordooooommmmmmmmm
Its like i sold my drunk soul to the devil
And he asked for something payment-and i gave it
Not knowing whar it is u give
Just gave it
Stull dont know what it is
But i guess i had needed that
Cous i feel im going crazy
Im very depresed
Im very lonly
I miss the litel rituals of going to the park with husband and drinking a beer tqlking and planing our future and its us against the world
Now its like there is no us
Its like its never was!!!!!
I miss him
I wanna hug him and hide there
With no alcohol thers no where to hide
Nowere, your out there, 24/7, dealing and forsed to wait for time ti pass
Your brain want to rest, to pass out, atleast for one evening
But he cant, and never will can
Im so sad im so tired im so lonely
Husband was my only friend in the world
But, he dosnt listen; he dosnt get it
He makes me so mad and i just can deal with one kore ******* emotion!!! Not even ine!!! So its just make me hate him for making me angy!
I want a new life, not to deal in a new way with old stuff
I want to be left alone
Sorry for speling mistakes or leter forgeting
Im on my mobil, still in bed
Scared of the thought that my only option is to leave all and start all over
I dont want to
But all here is a reminder of my creepy desition
Im scared of my thoughts
Of the bravenes of sober my
Of the confident and power
Of the hunger for lufe and exitment of sober me
I have soverd up for first time in my life and saw that all my life is a lie
I dont like any of this
I want more
I want other people
I want othe options
I want all new and difrent
I dont eant to be here
Is this i fase? It will pass? Please tell me it would ******* pass!!!!!!!!!!!
Last edited by Dee74; 01-24-2014 at 05:09 AM.
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
It will get better, that's a certainty. Don't do anything to hasty with your husband because it's still early days. You can find lovely new things to do together. He could be comitted for all you know. I was when I stopped but didin't want the medication you are on. Good luck xxxxxxxxx
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
kaisgo,
for sure it will change.
the first little while without getting drunk is crazy-feeling. all over the place. naked. as you say, no place to hide , from yourself.
some stuff, yeah, you just have to sit it out and let time move on a bit...it will steady.
for sure it will change.
the first little while without getting drunk is crazy-feeling. all over the place. naked. as you say, no place to hide , from yourself.
some stuff, yeah, you just have to sit it out and let time move on a bit...it will steady.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I'm glad you came here and shared that honest and painful post.
I didn't have an implant, so that is not something I can speak to, but it shows how committed you are to this and I DO know you can do it...and it will be worth it even though that is so hard to see now.
I don't know what ultimately will happen with you and your husband, but I did lose my husband, home, possessions, community etc when I got sober. I ended up living in one room 2000 miles from my family, friends, pets, and stuff. I do know what it is like to have to start from scratch, sober, clueless etc. So I can tell you with certainty that this can be done, and it gets SO much better and is worth it.
I couldn't believe that on my own, but came to this forum every day and let myself believe the stories of others who were farther along than I was. And sure enough, if I kept moving forward, it got better.
It was impossible for me to imagine a life without my ex. We had been together for 25 yrs, married as teens. he was all I knew. It was impossible for me to believe that I could find the energy to create a new life. But I only had to muster enough energy to meet the challenge right in front of my nose, and taking it on that level, I kept moving forward.
You can too, and we will be here with you.
The best advice I got was to not drink no matter what, it would solve nothing, and do the next right thing. That I didn't and could not know what lay ahead, but I didn't need to. I was only responsible for what was in front of me right this given minute. When we are low down, it's all we can see anyway, further along, we might have more perspective, but for now...we take care of this moment, this obligation, to the best of our ability.
I didn't have an implant, so that is not something I can speak to, but it shows how committed you are to this and I DO know you can do it...and it will be worth it even though that is so hard to see now.
I don't know what ultimately will happen with you and your husband, but I did lose my husband, home, possessions, community etc when I got sober. I ended up living in one room 2000 miles from my family, friends, pets, and stuff. I do know what it is like to have to start from scratch, sober, clueless etc. So I can tell you with certainty that this can be done, and it gets SO much better and is worth it.
I couldn't believe that on my own, but came to this forum every day and let myself believe the stories of others who were farther along than I was. And sure enough, if I kept moving forward, it got better.
It was impossible for me to imagine a life without my ex. We had been together for 25 yrs, married as teens. he was all I knew. It was impossible for me to believe that I could find the energy to create a new life. But I only had to muster enough energy to meet the challenge right in front of my nose, and taking it on that level, I kept moving forward.
You can too, and we will be here with you.
The best advice I got was to not drink no matter what, it would solve nothing, and do the next right thing. That I didn't and could not know what lay ahead, but I didn't need to. I was only responsible for what was in front of me right this given minute. When we are low down, it's all we can see anyway, further along, we might have more perspective, but for now...we take care of this moment, this obligation, to the best of our ability.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 557
I'm sorry you feel so desperate right now! I know I felt that way when I first got sober, and from reading posts on here, it seems to be a pretty common stage of sobriety. Things do get better, but only if we continue to work on ourselves.
When I got sober, simply not drinking wasn't enough. I had to change the way I thought about myself and life. I had to change the way I behaved. I had to learn to accept other people the way they were, to accept situations for what they were, and to change those things in my life that I could. But I found out I could only change myself. What I wanted was for my life and the people around me to change! But that's just not the way the world works. Learning to live sober and happy means learning to live in reality. If nothing changes, nothing changes. If I am completely miserable in my sober life, even the threat of death is probably not going to keep me from drinking. Because what's the point of living if I live in a constant state of despair and hopelessness?
Today, if I am despairing, I know the problem lies within myself. I have to either change my situation or accept it. Otherwise I can never find serenity. I need help with this; I find I can't do it on my own. So I use the tools I learned in AA and the guidance of my faith system and Higher Power to help me daily live the life I want to live. But there are a lot of different tools, programs, and therapies, both secular and spiritual, that can help you live a better life now that you are free from alcohol.
(Forgive my super rusty Hebrew! I never was able to speak that well and it's been a long time. I admire your English, so I'll give it a shot!)
בהצלחה
אתה יכול לעשות את זה
When I got sober, simply not drinking wasn't enough. I had to change the way I thought about myself and life. I had to change the way I behaved. I had to learn to accept other people the way they were, to accept situations for what they were, and to change those things in my life that I could. But I found out I could only change myself. What I wanted was for my life and the people around me to change! But that's just not the way the world works. Learning to live sober and happy means learning to live in reality. If nothing changes, nothing changes. If I am completely miserable in my sober life, even the threat of death is probably not going to keep me from drinking. Because what's the point of living if I live in a constant state of despair and hopelessness?
Today, if I am despairing, I know the problem lies within myself. I have to either change my situation or accept it. Otherwise I can never find serenity. I need help with this; I find I can't do it on my own. So I use the tools I learned in AA and the guidance of my faith system and Higher Power to help me daily live the life I want to live. But there are a lot of different tools, programs, and therapies, both secular and spiritual, that can help you live a better life now that you are free from alcohol.
(Forgive my super rusty Hebrew! I never was able to speak that well and it's been a long time. I admire your English, so I'll give it a shot!)
בהצלחה
אתה יכול לעשות את זה
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by Gal220 
I found out I could only change myself. What I wanted was for my life and the people around me to change! But that's just not the way the world works. Learning to live sober and happy means learning to live in reality.
your absolutly 200% right
xxxxx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 297
You are stronger than you know. Even though I don't know you, I could never hate you and your contributions here are helpful for me. So thank you for doing such a great job because your success is an inspiration to this stranger!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Keep Going! You are doing great. As others have said, don't do anything too fast with your husband right now. Give everything time settle and things should start to get better. Hang in there and keep up the great work.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
I don't know about the implant. However, I have taken Antebuse. If it works the same you need to learn about non alcoholic triggers. Filling your car up or boat up with fuel could trigger the Antebuse from the fumes. Any alcohol in fruits, juices, cookies, salads. I stopped after one day when I looked into this but if this implant works the same I encourage you to figure this stuff out for your own sake of course. Stay well...good job on your commitment.
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