Galactus

Hiya
Well really been a tough week for me, just started a semi management job at a large retail outlet. Got a young employee who thinks I stole her position or skipped the senority queue trying to make me look bad every oppourtunity she can. I have a son her age...20. shes got a bunch of little cronies in tow.

The job is really hard and I was hired for my ability to get corporate clients on board as the GM told me the @senority@ girl didnt have the maturity for the role...

I am getting to the point where its really getting to me, I am eating all this attitude I am getting like a champ, but its really got me down.

I am only a month and a bit sober after 4 years of basically unemployment and decades of drinking daily. Dont ask me how I got this job cause I dont know...

I so wanted a drink today after getting crap from all angles, my wife is away for two months as her father is sick (in another country to boot...) feeling like crap...I just come home feeling so down and exhausted. feet are killing me.

Its just really hard, I have a bit of money and before I caught the bus home I debated getting a case of beer and ended up buying a whole whack of beef jerky, potato chips and pop just to get rid of the cash I had on hand for some reason, I am not hungry...just going mental I guess...

Anyone relate???

Coldfusion

Congratulations on the month sober and a new job! Think of all you have to be grateful for--you'd lose it all if you drank.

I put up with a lot at my job too, but it's for a good cause.

Dee74

I can't relate cos I've never been in the position - but I can promise you that drinking won't ease the pressure, it'll only increase it.

Imagine doing this job with a hangover - plenty of opportunities for people to find fault with your work them.

You were hired for your abilities. Your employee saw you as the best fit for the job. If other people don't like it tough.

I hope you stick it out - I dunno about you but I reckon I'm tougher and more stubborn than any immature 20 spiteful year old might be.

but if at the end of the day you decide it's not worth it? have another job lined up, galactus.

D

Hearts

I read an article YEARS ago about a woman who was a recovering alcoholic for a number of months and her job had let her back after rehab. She said there was one woman who was just completely nasty to her and made her life really hard so this woman started drinking mouthwash. She told the story of how it turned into a downward spiral and landed her back in rehab. I wish I could find that article online because my summary of, "She realized that woman was not worth her sobriety" is weak. But... really, that girl is not worth your sobriety.

1newcreation

Wow! ...."get rid of some cash"?! Send it down here to me in ga.loh
But seriously drinkin over anything won't change it

Galactus

I hear ya, 30 bucks (and I needed it for anything BUT booze, it still is a lot of money for me)...but just sitting in my pocket it was driving me nuts

Hearts

If your wife is going to be gone for two months and that might happen more than once to keep you from buying booze, I wonder if there is a way to put it somewhere you can't get it but she can retrieve it when she gets home? Put it in a money order in her name?

Mountainmanbob

we need to learn
how to accept all that life throws at us
without entertaining the thought of drinking

if I entertain the thought long enough in my mind
I will be able to talk myself into a drink
no matter how long I've been sober

Mountainman

Dee74

do you have any support besides your wife and SR Galactus?

D

fjd123

I completely relate to what you are dealing with. For me, one thing I have done is just not take things personally, this is her BS, her insecurity, her life.

She is not willing to look at herself, and see that maybe, just maybe, the circumstances are actually the result of her actions. But you represent somewhere she can focus her blame and she is validating the choice of them hiring YOU because clearly she is not capable of mature, rational actions.

So, what to do? Well in my situation I just go blank emotionally instead of accepting the blame, or the BS. As the Penguins in the movie 'Madagascar' would say: "Just smile and wave boys, smile and wave".

Be above this, never respond or internalize any of this crap. Remember, it has NOTHING to do with you! It's her/their reality. Hang on to those thoughts.

As far as thinking about drinking, well OF COURSE you want to. Up until now drinking was your 'medicine' when life was overwhelming you. And as we say 'play the tape to the end'. You know how it ends once you drink, don't you?

Well now is the time to start learning new coping skills that don't involve numbing yourself with 'medicine'. You're better than that. You really are.

As I said, this has nothing to do with you, it's their reality and they cannot take responsibility for the consequences of their actions.

So dust yourself off, take deep breaths when you're feeling overwhelmed or persecuted, and just repeat to yourself "this has nothing to do with me, this is their own crap and they are trying to get me to own it for them."

Then in your mind "Just smile and wave. Smile and wave"

I believe in you. I know you have the strength and the wisdom to change how you are reacting. I KNOW you do. And I'm always right about these things.

Frank

PurpleKnight

The GM has faith in you and doesn't think this other girl is up to the job, so take confidence in that, she can whine all she wants but the GM doesn't want her doing YOUR job!!

Hang in there, do a good job, that's the best way to silence any critics, after your pulling clients in left, right and centre, no one will care about the "senority queue"!!

The GM want's the job done right, so they came to you!!

Pipefish

Really relate to you. Without a doubt, life at work can be a challenge. Particularly when we ourselves feel fragile.

There is no easy answer, only to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and not to take a drink. Vent on here, go to meetings and vent, and vent to your HP. The last one is great, because there's no time limit, you can just go on, and on....and on...just don't drink, because as said several times above, no-one, no place, no circumstance is worth your sobriety. Nothing but nothing is worth that, however difficult it feels.

As far as strategies for dealing with? Well, I've needed to find my inner steel. I'm one of those people who wants everyone to get along, and everyone to like me, and will bend myself into a pretzel to get it to happen. At work, I'm just doing a job. It doesn't matter if I don't have a fan club. It matters only that I do what is asked of me. Just keep your instructions to your team polite, professional, brief and to the point, and follow up really clearly when things don't happen as you've requested. Rise above any attitude you get; all you're asking for is the work that has been asked for, to be done. It sounds too like you have found yourself in a difficult situation dynamic wise, and there is no harm either, in going to your manager to ask for his support. He was obviously aware it was going to be problematic, he mentioned it, and that in no way gives him the right to renege on his responsibility to you. Talk to him about it - doing so doesn't mean you aren't capable of the job, it means you are taking steps to resolve a difficult situation.

And yes, 20 years old...she's a puppy (albeit a troublesome one) and is unlikely to have the maturity or life experience to deal with disappointment that well. And right now, it's working itself out on you, so talk to her about her not being successful in getting your job; If there is a way you can do so, delegate some managerial responsibility to her, and help her prepare for the next time such an opportunity arises. If she's your ring-leader, then getting her on side may be a good way to go.

So, yes genuinely do relate...all of the above is based on difficult work situations, and trying to deal with them, and sometimes it just needs me to change my attitude and expectations of others, and keep in mind I'm being paid to do a job, and that is all. Work has been, and continues to be a big challenge for me in sobriety...if only I'd been born rich instead of beautiful, eh?! ;-)

Wish you the best, keep firmly in mind that sobriety is your priority, and take extra good care of yourself.

KateL

Well done on a month. Yes I can relate. Please Don't let it get you down because there will always be jerks in the workplace. You did well to have a good old nibble instead. Ignore her and she'll get fed up and go away. She sounds like the type. It is so great that you have a good job. Don't let her spoil it. She obviously has issues. xxxxx

sugarbear1

It's a new generation out there who has a sense of entitlement.

You, however, have the skills, experience, and ability that they don't have.

You can do that job!!!!!!

Hawkeye13

Kate's idea of ignoring may work. I'm more of the "direct type" because the other employees will
often take their cue for performance based on what she gets away with, especially if they are cronies.
Call her in, let her know you are aware of her insubordination, and see if you can clear the air.

If she's a jerk, write her up if you have cause when she violates policy so you have a reason to fire her if it keeps up.
I spent years in retail and have little patience with that sort of thing. If you cave and drink, she will win.

You can do this.

Threshold

There are forums, like this one, for people in management posititions, to support one another, and share pointers, because the crap you are dealing with is very common.

My boyfriend is a retail manager and has had to deal with him employees doing similar things. It's chronic and talking to others really helps.

Kudos on your new job...frustrating and wearing, but getting support and ideas will help and confidence will grow. I am glad the GM gave you that feedback, it's good to know that people have confidence in us. That they see in us, sometimes things we don't see in ourselves.

archenemy

The girl your GM said did not possess enough maturity...is that same girl that is bothering u?Ugh..I've spent all my cash out shopping before to keep myself from buying bottle. I'm glad for u you stayed sober. U sound like a nice person. I found when I ignored jerk at work ..they would continue bothering me. When I confronted them or was able to have civil conversation with them hopefully....Person then dropped the attitude with.me.

karate

You did the right thing ,EAT until you are too full to drink .

Works for me too .

marchHazel

Congrats on getting the job and sobriety. I hope you can let any of the bs from the other employees roll off like water off a ducks back. I am sure it not easy to deal with.

I could't even think of getting a job like you have. My resume is a joke. So many years of doing things my way make the thought of interviewing a nightmare when I look at the reality of my work history and references I can get that won't tell them all my flaws. Im a good worker and stayed with employers for over five years usually but for the past decade I can't list anything even though I worked hard.

hang in and yeah, keep posting here. people will be of support I'm sure.

archenemy

Yeah..there are good comments here. Imagine this scenario..u drank last nite. Today she's abusing u again and she smells alcohol on u. No doubt she'd run to GM. That has happened to me. Also u could have hangover that causes u to make a bad mistake. I hate when all of it happens.All thanks to alcohol.