Hearts

A slime ball client tried to basically steal hundreds of dollars from me over the past couple of days. I won (other than the time and mental energy) AND I did it with grace so I've even got that going. But, it has made me really twitchy and nervous. I need to spend the rest of the day breathing and not drinking. Because no way would I have won so greatly if I was drunk through all of that. So go me, and that guy should just... UGH.

I'm also concerned for when I have to face people (not socially, work people) that I dislike. I gotta say, I dislike a lot of them. It's not like I've never made it through before but part of my dissent into alcoholism was, "I don't like you so I'm going to get a little buzz and this will be easy". What helps you get through long periods of time around people you dislike while sober?

soberhawk

I did miss the numbness of alcohol and even hangovers for the first month or so – after that I feel that sobriety makes me a lot more stable to overcome lives small and not so small challenges.

But I did miss the numbness in the beginning … it will pass.

waynetheking

I think that as alcoholics we tend to think way to much into things about people in general. Meaning that we fear there thinking things about us when actually they have moved on about there daily lives and have forgotten issue's that we feel they would be bothered by. I think people are generally easygoing and that perhaps I should look within when before being confrontational. Not sure that makes any sense folks but I guess my answer is, just don't worry about it. Most people don't care.

Itchy

Assertiveness training might help. Me, I will decide if it's me or them that are the problem. If it is me that is easy, I can change me. If it is them then I have to leave as I can't change another. Try a little counseling maybe?

But there will always be self absorbed backstabbers. However, don't be so self absorbed you miss the fact that everyone else is not only not focusing on you because they are too busy trying to get attention, but likely don't care.

Kensho

I found out that I didn't like them any better when I drank, but I liked myself a lot less when I drank too much.

Ruby2

My mother in law comes to mind. She stays with me periodically to help out with the kids. Drunk or sober I find her to be one of the most annoying people I've ever met. I try not to be in the same room with her for any length of time. If I have to be in the same room I try deep breathing techniques which helps. I also feel sorry for her at times which helps a little too. She has pretty close to zero social skills which isn't her fault. Her whole upbringing was pretty awful.

Co workers? I don't work as part of a team so unless I have questions about a specific something I am working on, i can always go in my office and shut the door or tune out. In the past if it was someone who was a jerk to me I would examine what I might have done to cause problems. If there wasn't anything I could think of I would chalk it up to it's not me, it's them and give the person space. I wouldn't over think it either. Life is too short to be miserable at work, worrying about what other people's motivations might be.

FeelingGreat

Hey Hearts, there's a few strategies you can use to handle people you dislike. Firstly check that you're not projecting feelings about yourself onto other people; you may be much more sensitive at the moment because you're missing your favourite coping mechanism.
I've met people who deal a lot with clients who have excellent professional manners which are polite and soothing, but also put a little distance between themselves and the client. You know you are seeing a practised act, but it gets the job done with minimal conflict. I'm sure they've spent years perfecting it. Think of it as a requirement of the job which keeps you sane.
While you're in early recovery, your AV is going to be inventing many reasons for you to drink. Tough day? Have a drink. Annoying client? Have a drink. Feeling tired and hungry? Have a drink. You get the picture.

GracieLou

I pray for them.

Praying takes the urge to control out of my hands and puts it where it needs to be.

KateL

I agree with Itchy. Being assertive in a calm and collective manner always works for me. However, I did lose it a bit in a shop yesterday. The incompetence of this partuclar company has been going on for months. I spoke to my shrink about it yesterday and felt bad that I lost it, but when I told him the facts, he said, 'to be perfectly honest, I don't blame you. We are allowed to be flawed from time to time.' I did laugh, and my anger did get through to the assistant, so the situation was resolved. Mind you I didn't swear or throw things which I would have done years ago

Climber122

Hearts - you may find that the longer you stay in the sobriety, the more tolerance you will develop for other people. There are many alcoholics who set the bar for personal performance in arenas like career, love and "happiness" extremely high - and as we go along through life and sobriety we realize that those levels of performance were impossible to maintain - we learn that we are human! (gasp) I don't know you personally so I can't say this with authority, but it's possible to consider that you may applying the same impossibly high standards you have for yourself to others, and so they invariably are falling short in your eyes. Give sobriety some time and you may find this view relaxes to some degree. Our world is built by our perceptions, and the old AA axiom often holds true for me that "whenever I am disturbed by others, actually something is wrong with me."

DoPerdition

Being sober and angry has the benefit of never having to worry "what did I say? Did I make a fool of myself?". I have also found that sometimes alcoholics see insult where none was given. Like "I think blue would be a better color for the wall." And the alcoholic replying with "what? Did you just say I am bad at my job?"

It is hard to tell insult from constructive criticism through the fog of alcohol.

zjw

i dont put myself in the position where i'll have to deal with people i have little patience for its easier then having to figure out how to be tolerant when I seem to not be able to win that game that game for me ends in despair anger frustration really nothing good and I dont like feeling that way.

But with co workers and such its harder. thats a battle I am currently facing as I cannot just find another job. for now I grin and bear it grind my teeth and pray i can tolerate stuff just 1 more day and that I find something better.

I wish i had a better answer. Sometimes you have to just breathe and get through it. Im not saying its easy its not I should probably be unemployed right now with how foul my attitude is over it!.

deeker

By setting boundaries, if a person crosses my personal boundaries I tell them, if they don't get the message then I don't deal with them. To many positive people in the world to be surrounded by the negative ones.

karate

I tell people ,act any way you want ,but not in MY SPACE