Should I stop listening to music?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 341
Should I stop listening to music?
I do this almost every weekend. I come home from work and sit alone and watch a live band online and drink. I don't go out to bars anymore. I would rather sit and sing along to the same concert 2 sometimes 3 times a night. It's not normal because sometimes I don't even go to bed until the sun starts coming up.
Its the only thing that makes me happy. I don't have many friends and if I do go out all I can think of is going home and listening to music.
The day after, I usually get the songs stuck in my head and have horrible guilt over what a waste this is and how much I drank. When I listen to the band (who shall remain nameless) sober, I have a horrible feeling about my drinking alone. When I am drinking I become obsessed.. to the point of setting my desktop to pictures of the band and looking up concert and tour info as I did this weekend. Thankfully, I didn't buy tickets.
What is wrong with me here? Should I go to a therapist? I have horrible guilt right now and it's making me want to drink again. Thanks.
Its the only thing that makes me happy. I don't have many friends and if I do go out all I can think of is going home and listening to music.
The day after, I usually get the songs stuck in my head and have horrible guilt over what a waste this is and how much I drank. When I listen to the band (who shall remain nameless) sober, I have a horrible feeling about my drinking alone. When I am drinking I become obsessed.. to the point of setting my desktop to pictures of the band and looking up concert and tour info as I did this weekend. Thankfully, I didn't buy tickets.
What is wrong with me here? Should I go to a therapist? I have horrible guilt right now and it's making me want to drink again. Thanks.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I'm not sure you're any sicker than the rest of us BBE 
We all had rituals that we set up as part of the drinking experience....mine was TV.
What's your recovery support like these days - are you doing anything for your recovery?
D
We all had rituals that we set up as part of the drinking experience....mine was TV.
What's your recovery support like these days - are you doing anything for your recovery?
D
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
If it wasn't the music, it would be something else. I was DVD watcher, I did exactly the same thing. Watched the same series or films over and over and over and drink. I slipped into fantasy mode and felt like I was IN the films.
Echoing Dee, I'd say that most of us were isolated and alone and had drinking rituals very similar to yours. You are not really doing anything unusual.
Are you prepared to consider a recovery program? A program would help you put the bottle down and get off the sofa: provide you with structure and support for moving into a sober life.
Echoing Dee, I'd say that most of us were isolated and alone and had drinking rituals very similar to yours. You are not really doing anything unusual.
Are you prepared to consider a recovery program? A program would help you put the bottle down and get off the sofa: provide you with structure and support for moving into a sober life.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Guilty for drinking. I understand. It's the drinking, not the music. So sorry to read that you still continue to struggle with your sobriety. I think that's part of the guilt. You want to quit, and struggle to stay quit.
You can do this.
You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,430
I feel you blueeyes. Music is my salvation too--I listen sober now
it took awhile, but it has kicked in again. You know what I mean I think.
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
No one knows what it's like
To be hated, to be fated
To telling only lies
But my dreams, they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance that's never free
No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings like I do
And I blame you
No one bites back as hard
On their anger, none of my pain and woe
Can show through
But my dreams, they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance that's never free
When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool
And if I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
And if I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
it took awhile, but it has kicked in again. You know what I mean I think.
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
No one knows what it's like
To be hated, to be fated
To telling only lies
But my dreams, they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance that's never free
No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings like I do
And I blame you
No one bites back as hard
On their anger, none of my pain and woe
Can show through
But my dreams, they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance that's never free
When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool
And if I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
And if I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat
No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
I used to play the same games over and over while drinking myself to sleep for about one year straight. I was in a funk in my life, wasn't sure where I was headed, living alone and just going about the drudgery of daily life. Go to work in the morning, walk home and stop at the pizza shop where of course they also sold beer. Get dinner and a beer, walk two more blocks home and turn on the pc. Turn on the game and play it for 3 to 4 hours straight and then shut it off and fall to a drunken sleep. Do it all over again the next day.
I literally must have done that for about one year straight and that was only that one year. Then you have the other three or four where I lived alone in the city routinely doing something over and over. It's a cycle we alcoholics get used to, something to pass the time while we imbibe.
I'll tell you though, these were the hey days of my bachelor alcoholic existence. When I got older and I was still drinking but married I would watch a movie or tv with my wife. When she wasn't there, a couple of times I tried to play the game and found that after about 3 beers I couldn't concentrate on it anymore. My brain was starting to become soft from all the years of abuse. That was the beginning of the end for me, it was one of the first realizations that my time was limited and my time was growing short.
Don't let your time run short, try to catch it if you can while you still can.
I literally must have done that for about one year straight and that was only that one year. Then you have the other three or four where I lived alone in the city routinely doing something over and over. It's a cycle we alcoholics get used to, something to pass the time while we imbibe.
I'll tell you though, these were the hey days of my bachelor alcoholic existence. When I got older and I was still drinking but married I would watch a movie or tv with my wife. When she wasn't there, a couple of times I tried to play the game and found that after about 3 beers I couldn't concentrate on it anymore. My brain was starting to become soft from all the years of abuse. That was the beginning of the end for me, it was one of the first realizations that my time was limited and my time was growing short.
Don't let your time run short, try to catch it if you can while you still can.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
I used to watch the same movie over and over while I was drinking. Long after I got sober I watched it again and felt a wave of depression from it. Then I remember how I'd always watched it before - drunk. 
I can now watch it without getting depressed.
I can now watch it without getting depressed.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Missouri
Posts: 133
I used to watch episode after episode of Intervention while downing shots of vodka...wishing someone cared enough to save me. I eventually saved myself. It's a sad condition, addiction. I wish you so much love on your journey into healing. xo
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Originally Posted by least 
I used to watch the same movie over and over while I was drinking. Long after I got sober I watched it again and felt a wave of depression from it. Then I remember how I'd always watched it before - drunk.
I can now watch it without getting depressed.
I can now watch it without getting depressed.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
couple thoughts. There are times in my life that I feel only a particular musician/band "understand me" and I would have an album or song I'd listen to on repeat for an embarrassing amount of time. It was a comfort. Sometimes even being able to just get into a blue mood, and bring a little anger to the surface or shed a few tears felt comforting.
In early sobriety there were some songs and singers I had to shelf for awhile because I would identify it too much with drinking/using, or the mood I fell into wasn't condusive to recovery. Most of them, in time. I could listen to again with no problem.
Even now...I get into moods where I put on some album and just sorta get lost in it, and it's ok...wistful reminescing or whatever. But I still watch out to see if it's taking me to the "bad place" or I'm wallowing or using it to not do what I need to do in the rest of my life.
I guess it's a matter of degree.
If I indulge in a bowl of ice cream at the end of a hard day...no biggie, if I grab a quart of ice cream, a spoon and pull the covers over my head...I take a closer look at what is going on.
I get pretty confused with myself when I put on "The Hangover" and cry...like what's up with THAT?
In early sobriety there were some songs and singers I had to shelf for awhile because I would identify it too much with drinking/using, or the mood I fell into wasn't condusive to recovery. Most of them, in time. I could listen to again with no problem.
Even now...I get into moods where I put on some album and just sorta get lost in it, and it's ok...wistful reminescing or whatever. But I still watch out to see if it's taking me to the "bad place" or I'm wallowing or using it to not do what I need to do in the rest of my life.
I guess it's a matter of degree.
If I indulge in a bowl of ice cream at the end of a hard day...no biggie, if I grab a quart of ice cream, a spoon and pull the covers over my head...I take a closer look at what is going on.
I get pretty confused with myself when I put on "The Hangover" and cry...like what's up with THAT?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"I would rather sit and sing along to the same concert 2 sometimes 3 times a night. It's not normal because sometimes I don't even go to bed until the sun starts coming up."
rather than what?
"Its the only thing that makes me happy."
other than what? have ya tried anything else( without drinking,of course)?
"What is wrong with me here?"
hard sayin, but it could be that your an alcoholic.
" Should I go to a therapist?"
that would not be a bad idea as long as you are completely honest about your drinking.
"I have horrible guilt right now and it's making me want to drink again."
that happened to me many times, yet drinking never helped. what did was wanting to get help, seeking the help, then following through on the advise I was given.
rather than what?
"Its the only thing that makes me happy."
other than what? have ya tried anything else( without drinking,of course)?
"What is wrong with me here?"
hard sayin, but it could be that your an alcoholic.
" Should I go to a therapist?"
that would not be a bad idea as long as you are completely honest about your drinking.
"I have horrible guilt right now and it's making me want to drink again."
that happened to me many times, yet drinking never helped. what did was wanting to get help, seeking the help, then following through on the advise I was given.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 341
"I feel only a particular musician/band "understand me" and I would have an album or song I'd listen to on repeat for an embarrassing amount of time. It was a comfort. "
This is me. Now that it is the work week again I feel humiliated for sitting there for hours and hours repeating the same songs over and over. They are going thru my head and no wonder... I could probably get on stage and sing/play them myself!
tomsteve- I started drinking hard 8 years ago. I used to go to the gym, I was involved in a normal relationship. This summer I was pretty sober and ran every single day. This winter, I stay indoors and don't talk to anyone. My walks in the park have become sitting in bed. This has been a bad winter. Negative temps and it's been dangerous to even go outside let alone run. The gyms are all packed around here. I have bad PTSD and loud crowds are a huge no. I just don't feel like I used to. I only drink on those weekends when I bury myself into music, never during the week. I used to be an every day drinker. That got too dangerous with hospitalizations/panic.
Sudz No More- I am starting to realize this. I get bored with movies and after working all day I start falling asleep. Switched to music because it keeps me up.
Dee- I have stopped going out to bars, I stopped the happy hour thing. I won't go out on weeknights. I just ignored a call from someone begging me to go out this week and drink. I don't have any drinking friends. Spend a lot of time with religious people at work. Eating better overall.. just can't seem to kick those weekends. Sometimes it's only once a month. I am alone in a huge house a lot of the time and I just stare at the wall.
This is me. Now that it is the work week again I feel humiliated for sitting there for hours and hours repeating the same songs over and over. They are going thru my head and no wonder... I could probably get on stage and sing/play them myself!
tomsteve- I started drinking hard 8 years ago. I used to go to the gym, I was involved in a normal relationship. This summer I was pretty sober and ran every single day. This winter, I stay indoors and don't talk to anyone. My walks in the park have become sitting in bed. This has been a bad winter. Negative temps and it's been dangerous to even go outside let alone run. The gyms are all packed around here. I have bad PTSD and loud crowds are a huge no. I just don't feel like I used to. I only drink on those weekends when I bury myself into music, never during the week. I used to be an every day drinker. That got too dangerous with hospitalizations/panic.
Sudz No More- I am starting to realize this. I get bored with movies and after working all day I start falling asleep. Switched to music because it keeps me up.
Dee- I have stopped going out to bars, I stopped the happy hour thing. I won't go out on weeknights. I just ignored a call from someone begging me to go out this week and drink. I don't have any drinking friends. Spend a lot of time with religious people at work. Eating better overall.. just can't seem to kick those weekends. Sometimes it's only once a month. I am alone in a huge house a lot of the time and I just stare at the wall.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Scandinavia
Posts: 1,344
I think winters are a little depressing, I am more disciplined to get outside and run and exercise in the winter – otherwise I easily get passive and depressed.
I think in the beginning of the period where we are sober, we should do whatever makes us feel a little better – if it makes it a little easier then do it. When we have gained some time and we become a little stronger we can look at habits we want to change.
I think in the beginning of the period where we are sober, we should do whatever makes us feel a little better – if it makes it a little easier then do it. When we have gained some time and we become a little stronger we can look at habits we want to change.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
I watched movies endlessly while drinking. Of course, the endings were always a blur. As others have said, there are often rituals involved with drinking. I think you will find that your interests evolve when you stop drinking.
as a sober contributor
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 1,312
I know that I could not give up music! Although I used to drink and smoke pot while attending concerts, watching DVD's and listening to CD's.... it wasn't because of the music.
I have been to about 35 concerts since I got sober and have found that I enjoy them much more now! No more getting up to get a beer or go to the bathroom and missing any of the show..... and the memories of the show are totally clear!
Maybe you should pick some new music to enjoy?
I have been to about 35 concerts since I got sober and have found that I enjoy them much more now! No more getting up to get a beer or go to the bathroom and missing any of the show..... and the memories of the show are totally clear!
Maybe you should pick some new music to enjoy?
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