Bit panicky about going back to work on MOnday
 

I am at Day 20 after a relapse and I've been off work for two weeks vacation.

I've had plenty of time to spend on SR, go to meetings, read books and watch movies about recovery and addiction etc.

I am scared that going back to the usual routine on Monday will take my focus off not drinking and recovery and I will be back to square one.

Making a plan to check in on SR before work, at lunch and after work. I have three regular meetings lined up to go to. I will try and find another sponsor but if I start the Steps again, I'll scream. I want to focus on living in 10, 11 and 12. I have a service position in one of my groups, and also here on SR. Is that enough? I have no idea. Someone please pass me a paperbag so I can hyperventilate.

I'm scared that if I'm not hyper-focused and vigilant and if I take my eyes off recovery for a second, I'll relapse. That's not sustainable and far from ideal.

I've been in and out of AA since 2008 and have had two consecutive years of sobriety in that time. I want to stay sober. I don't have another recovery in me. I can't go through Relapse Hell again.

Two things that are different this time is that I have a home group and a service position. I haven't done that before.

I think it helps sometimes to remember all we have to do today is stay sober....repeat tomorrow.

Sounds like you have a good plan there...and you well know the risks of easing back on your recovery.

Sounds to me like you have commitment TL :)

D

Hi TigerLili, good idea to check in at lunch times etc when at work if possible.

I try to check in as much as possible just to glean support and strength from everyone plus I feel like I'm visiting my close friends who know me, warts and all, better than most.

Stay strong we're alwAys here x

I will only be able to check in via my phone during the day. I have fat fingers, bad eye sight and small keys!

I realised that I am absolutely rigid with fear. Fear of relapse better go at the top of my 'fears' inventory.

Who has that paper bag?

Oh yeah, one day at a time. Thanks for the reminder! I need something like a bracelet with that on it. (Oh hai, Google...)

I do have a plan and a commitment, but I am terrible at forming good habits. Forming bad habits is like my super power.

I have given up Facebook and other pointless social media for the forseeable future, so the time I spent on Facebook I can spend on my recovery and here on SR.

Hi TigerLili.

I remember feeling something similar when I went back to work after getting sober during a holiday.

What helps me during busy and stressful work days is setting a routine and sticking to it. I get up an hour earlier than I need to, and read SR every morning. That alongside prayer and meditation sets my whole day up just right.

When I was first sober I checked in on SR at lunchtime too, but I don't do that any more. I try and practice the principles all day, watching out for my character defects, trying to stay honest and authentic and being the best I can be. The more I do it, the more natural it seems and the more confident I become.

You are committed to sobriety, and are taking it seriously. Try to relax a little. Wishing you well :)

Thanks Jeni. What you describe is exactly what I am trying to do, and want to continue to do.

I still think I need a tangible reminder. LIke an ID bracelet that says 'One day at a time'. If I was into tattoo's I would get one!

TigerLili - Breathe and then breathe some more. ;)

About getting a Sponsor and taking the Steps again.

I am sponsoring a woman that relapsed after double digits years of sobriety. *What I have learned is that in these cases, we have missed something while working the Fourth Step and slacked off on 10, 11, and 12. *This woman has humbled herself and is now deep into a fourth Step and doing great. *The work isn't easy but so worth it if we want to stay sober.

Breathe, breathe. *:)

Oh yes, the breathing thing. Thanks for the reminder!

Steppin2 I definitely have had a revelation around Step 4. There's now a whole bunch of things that I can identify as simmering resentments, hostility and bitterness that I simply wasn't emotionally in touch with in earlier step 4's. I don't know why. It's like a door was closed and now it's open and I can see all this stuff I just didn't connect with.

I didn't consistently practice 10, 11 and 12 because again there were things I just didn't see that I needed to apply the programme too. It's obvious now, but I couldn't see it. I have even moved things around in my tiny apartment so I have a small meditation space for Step 11. I do my meditation, pray and read a bit of the big book. It's nice to have a dedicated corner just for that. It's making a difference for me.

Gently does it for sure :) Am right with you there -developing different habits takes time & practice, first step toward is noticing there are habits that need to change! Don't underestimate the significance of your recognising that....whole lifetimes can pass before that even dawns, so it's an advantage you already have.

At work, find it helpful to take breaks/pauses where poss to recharge the batteries :)

Be kind to yourself & remember to enjoy the weekend :) Am really with you on this one, my head's busy with work commitments I have in the next 2-3 weeks! It's Saturday! There is no work today :) Enjoy your weekend if you can & it helps me to acknowledge that the fear is just fear not a prediction of how things will turn out; just fear....again!!! ;)

Ah so wise. Thank you :-)

Very true. We are all so good at projecting and imagining scenarios, and then the fear builds.

Today is Saturday...relax and enjoy. Next week can take care of itself x

Thanks guys. I'm going to relax and watch some tv. Then get up bright and early to get goodies for my coffee/cookie commitment for my meeting in the morning. If I got the cookies today, there wouldn't be any left for the meeting!

Slightly different tack here Tiger. Watch out for the after-work, time to relax feeling that leads to wanting to drink. My own experience was that the adrenaline let down that came with leaving work often lead to cravings, because I associated relaxing after work.
It might be wise to change any routines which previously ended in drinking.

The worst thing you can probably do is worry about something that may not even happen. Worrying leads to anxiety and anxiety can lead to wanting to drink.

FeelingGreat, what I am trying to do is go to bed earlier and get up earlier. Staying up late is a trigger for sure. I am a bit of a morning person and enjoy the quiet and solitude, whereas if I stay up late, I just sit in front of the tube.

CaptainCrazy - you're right! I see a shrink for an anxiety disorder. I will for defs talk to her about this fear.

The routine of work helps me . I always drank when I was off .

Just a thought .

I went through a similar thing not too long ago. I was on vacation for three weeks, than went back to work. It was tough. The increased stress got my AV working overtime. So, I had several options. I would either go to the gym, go to a meeting, or go home and immediately and go on SR. Eventually, the cravings subsided. Make a plan for what you can do after work and stick with it. Good luck.

Hi TigerLili;
You can do this!

Here's a link to a "One day at a time" bracelet on Amazon :)

Amazon.com: One Day At a Time Pewter Bracelet: Jewelry



You are doing great. Keep going.