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Bit panicky about going back to work on MOnday

Old 01-18-2014, 09:24 PM
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I am so scared at going back to the real world tomorrow. I'm sitting here crying. What if I can't do it?

Please tell me it will be ok :-(

What if I forget? That's what happens. I feel better and forget I have a problem. I am not in fear of drinking when I feel bad. It's when I feel better and have things to take up my time other than recovery that I forget I'm an alcoholic and think I can drink like everyone else. I'm so scared if I take my eye off the ball for a second that I will find myself drinking again.
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Old 01-18-2014, 09:30 PM
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I will go to a meeting after work tomorrow and focus on that to get me through the day.

I am absolutely rigid with fear.
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Old 01-18-2014, 09:37 PM
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Hi Tigerlili

The way I see it you are on a very good start with a strong foundation. You are doing service, networking with others and working the steps. I would bet my money on you
You can do it!
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Old 01-18-2014, 09:42 PM
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you have a good plan for getting support. If you get in a jam reach out before you take that first drink. Play the tape through to the end. Don't just remember the good but where it will take you. You know. All the stuff or doing whatever it takes not to take that first drink. It may be very hard but through these challenges and getting through them we grow. I think you are going to do fine. Just getting to where you are now has taken a lot of courage. I only have hours so seeing people growing is uplifting to me.

I can only speak for me but I spend so much time worrying and ruminating about things for noting. I can make myself nuts and so discontent and then I see how it was all a delusion and not based in reality. It didn't get me anywhere but I think I know how hard it is to make it stop. My way of dealing with it numbing myself isn't working so now I can only figure the way to get better is to stop thinking I can keep doing what I was doing. I hear you though. Hang in there and try not to think so much. Yeah, i know. easier said than done.

Your doing great. your facing things and your getting better. kudos on the service commitments.
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Old 01-18-2014, 10:05 PM
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marchHazel I am almost laughng at myself being worried about being worried tomorrow. There's no end to the pretzel twist in my brain!
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Old 01-18-2014, 10:08 PM
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Thank you for the kind words, Carlotta.

I know that I only have today, but today is tomorrow's foundation. I did positive things for my recovery today, which is a good foundation for tomorrow, but I can't shake the fear that I'll slack off due to complacency and resentment and end up back in Hell's waiting room. And they have really old magazines there.
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Old 01-18-2014, 10:11 PM
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At a meeting today a guy who has been in recovery since dinosaurs said that every so often he gets sick of recovery, sick of meetings, sick of people in meetings etc. His sponsor replied that there aren't many things people do day in and day out that they don't get sick of from time to time. I will remember that for when my head tells me to stay home, don't go to a meeting, stay home and play the resentment DVD one more time. Cos that's always fun. Hey, and you know what would be good? A drink to go with it.

I don't want to go back there.
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Old 01-18-2014, 10:18 PM
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I am not worried about having cravings. I haven't had a craving at all. The thought of picking up is about as interesting to me as dirt.

HOwever I know from bitter experience that I get complacent, resentful and pick up a drink.

Complacency and resentment are my enemies. Any thoughts on how I can constructively deal with those feelings when I start to think that way?
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Old 01-19-2014, 12:26 AM
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Originally Posted by TigerLili View Post
I am not in fear of drinking when I feel bad. It's when I feel better and have things to take up my time other than recovery that I forget I'm an alcoholic and think I can drink like everyone else. I'm so scared if I take my eye off the ball for a second that I will find myself drinking again.
I know what you mean; same with me. I didn't drown my sorrows as much as drink from enjoyment. But it still led me to a bad outcome.
Remember that it's perfectly normal to feel bad going back to work after holidays, and the fear and reluctance usually disappears once you start dealing with the backlog.
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Old 01-19-2014, 12:41 AM
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That's a good point. THere's probably a good deal of 'backtoworkitis' going on, too. I have a very stressful job.
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Old 01-19-2014, 12:47 AM
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The way I look at it TigerLili...you have everything in place that you need to. Now it's a case of praying for your fear to be removed and walking the walk.

I believe in you girl x
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Old 01-20-2014, 11:06 PM
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Left early with a migraine today.

I am open to the fact that maybe this job is no longer right for me.

I am recruiting for a new position that will take a whole pile of responsibilities off my shoulders. The approval to recruit process started back in September/October. I'm at the end of my tether.

I'm just doing the best I can and asking my HP to show me the next right action to take.
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Old 01-21-2014, 04:45 AM
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is "approval to recruit" Aussie for changing your job within an organization?

[To me it means an organization is looking for someone [usually an external candidate] to fill a position]

In other words, you won't have to leave your place of employment to get this or you will?

If it is less stressful and you don't even need to move companies, that sounds fantastic!
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