RobbyRobot

Yeah, we do.

Free speech for me doesn't include playing around with members feelings even if I'm being honest and transparent about my own experiences. I've plenty of "stories" too and in fact, my past living/working in a street level residential rehab for a few years, I've more then enough to share. You'd be surprised what can go on in a 14 bed co-ed rehab back in the early '80's. I've seen firsthand how often war stories when shared without respect to the audience can create enough anxiety in certain listeners to enable them to fall hard. As a former professional group therapy facilitator with thousands of hours of experience working with hard-core alcoholics / addicts, you can imagine what I have heard and seen. Not to mention my own experiences on the street while I was myself using and abusing. Real life is not pretty when alcohol and drugs rule the day.

So, since these are my real past experiences, does this equate that I can share such without regard to the SR members? I would absolutely be honest and transparent in the sharing, goes without saying. Well, if I did share my own "war stories" and what I've other wised experienced my posts would be deleted, and if I persisted my membership would be suspended. In fact, I could easily say things that would have some of the posters in this thread who support the reading and writing of war stories reversing themselves and making me the exception to sharing my experiences. Well, we'll never know cause I won't be sharing them, so you'll have to take my word on this, or not as you may decide.

I find it interesting that Dee, who has such an incredible back story in his own life, and as well as his amazing depth of experience right here on SR with his almost 80,000 posts shared and counting is asking our viewpoint and calling our attention to the matter at hand. When one really sits with this and takes it in, ponders it, the realizations that come up are profound and life-changing. In those thousands of posts of his what won't be found are a collection of his own war stories. Won't be found his trespassing on others just because he's exercising his honesty. Won't be found his ignoring the health of the community so he can otherwise get on with his own agenda.

When a guy like Dee brings these kind of discussions into the light of day, I applaud him. I also feel a real respect for the courage of the man, as I bear witness to him absolutely supporting the rights of free speech even for those who Dee personally might have something else to say, but that of course Dee never would say.

I can relate, believe me. From me, you'll never hear my real raw story as I might say it f2f. You'll always get the sanitized version here on SR. And that is a good thing. It's sad in many ways to have years of experience working with others in addiction recovery environments and fellowships, including of course SR. After awhile, you can see the writing on the walls so clearly time and time again as people check in and then check out. It is what it is of course, but having said that I too believe it awesomely important to ask of ourselves if we are being at our best when others might potentially suffer from our actions, even if we have a right to those actions.

Thanks, that's my .02

FBL

Personally, I don't dwell on the past but I don't shy away from it either. After all, that past (both good and bad) got me where I am today. As long as I don't fall into the trap of romanticizing my drinking days, I find it useful to remember how bad it was and where I never want to go again.

I'll gladly share my war stories if someone thinks it'll help, otherwise I'll keep them to myself.

PurpleKnight

Well if nothing else, this has been one of the liveliest threads in a while, a great topic for debate, and if simply providing a thread to pass time reading, think about and contribute to, it may have helped someone somewhere stay Sober for 1 more Day!!

flutter

I don't read them or participate in them, honestly I cringe when I see another one pop up. My drinking was really never funny, regardless of the seemingly funny things I might have done. It almost cost me my life, and I am just not in a place to relive anything like that. A huge part of my recovery is doing the exact opposite, moving forward.

caboblanco

"wherever I go ..there I am" I used to hate this quote but i knew deep down it was true..this is why i believe for myself I have to make peace with my past..and laughing about it is part of that for me..because I can't change it and self induced amnesia never worked for me. I like to change bad memories form sharp shards of glass..too beautifully smoothed sea glass that doesn't effect me negatively in the present..and i believe it is possible to do

Pipefish

Useful discussion here. Much the same as at meetings, is this perhaps about intention in sharing what is shared? Sometimes, have heard the same/similar stories from the same people over and over....and I begin to think, what is the usefulness in that being shared? For either the person sharing or those listening?

Am I only sharing the drama? Glamourising even? Do I like a good drinking story for impact? To demonstrate what a true alcoholic I am, to myself or others? To reinforce something about powerlessness? To evoke sympathy? Or is it because part of me still finds the drama and chaos of that appealing, exciting and not something I am prepared to let go of just yet?

This is just my opinion, but some of the threads on here at times don't seem to be from people who have any serious intention of not drinking and seeking sobriety (please, don't all hit me at once!). The sharing seems to be a form of 'pick myself up, dust myself down, and go out and do some more, now I've got that off my chest. I'm not sure how helpful that is, and personally, I don't get that mentality....if I want to be drinking, the last thing I want to do is then have it interrupted or interpreted for me by people in recovery. Maybe it's the virtual equivalent of having a drink in a bar and picking a fight...any form of justification will do, right?

As others have said too, sure I need reminders, but rather than the graphic detail, it only takes a sentence such as 'lost my dignity and self-respect' for everyone to know what I mean. That's the beauty of it! No more lost dignity! In word or deed.

Having said all that, I don't have to read those threads if I don't want to. Neither does anyone else, and there is ample solid sobriety shared here for us to access if that's what we want to read. Maybe they are helpful to newcomers who are still there, or thereabouts, and have a desire to not be there anymore. The only thing about that is, they are just stories, with no solution at the end. Something of that nature shared with the conclusion that I need never go through that again is powerful. Without that, it's just another story.

thisisme

In my recovery i don't look back. I'm not going that way.

RobbyRobot

For me, remembering the laughs is also important, and as well laughing at the sheer irony and karma of some past situations is also healthy, I agree. As for cherry-picking my past experiences and changing them into something more beautiful then they were as really already experienced would be for me the same as me electing to undergo a kind of lobotomy. I need what happened to me to be what it really was as experienced; be it the good, the bad, and the ugly of my past life - I want the real deal of my experiences to be authentic. I've already lost so much that I can't remember because of brownouts and blackouts. Where we have been defines where we started from on getting our new sober life underway and moving forward.

Not to knock you, Cabo, as you already know I respect what you have to say here on SR.

RobbyRobot

Well said. Well said indeed.

Such threads, imo, are examples of posters caught in between their drinking times. They are entangled into their addiction ambivalence of both wanting to quit and wanting to drink all in the same day. A tough place to be of course.

spryte

Dee, I've saw those threads and have not clicked. There's been so much pain and destruction caused by alcohol, I don't know why anyone would want to pick at those wounds. I don't know what anyone else gets out of them, but what I get from them is sadness, so I avoid them.

I know my 'crazy times' were actually very sad, and when I hear about other peoples' 'crazy times', I think it's sad too.

I have heard enough war stories to take to heart the message about the nature of alcoholism. That's enough for me. I will find ways to keep this message strong in my mind as time goes by. I think I will get creative and not draw on other people's misery to do that.

MyTimeNow

War stories don't create an issue for me per se, however I do recognise the thought process of - they did that, it was awful - I'm nowhere near that bad, I don't appear to have a problem at all compared to war story guy/gal. I'm fine!

Dangerous territory.

Olive1

I believe in the power of “How I was” as it relates to “What I did, or What I am doing” and “How I am now”. When war stories are all piled on top of one another it feels more like a living in the past pissing contest and it all just exhausts me.

spryte

Just a little add on - on another site I go to, when people start to get into 'euphoric recall' the moderators shut them down. It's the tone that seems to be important. The moderators have said that remembering 'the good old times' and all the CRAZY THINGS you did (eye roll) can be triggering for others. Dangerous.

This happens in chat, where everything can be heard by everyone.

I know my way around this site, so I know how to avoid certain threads.

But someone new, or someone not as tech savvy might not know how to avoid it.

soberhawk

I have not noticed those threads, I am not sure I would read them.

I do have sufficient winter mood – I am not that attracted to past missery.

karate

What if the drunk stories , could serve to keep us from going back to
That foolishness?

I did not tell any of my drunk stories. Because they were not fun to me .

All of my really good stories , of fun - I was SOBER .
The drunk stories always preceded a bad hangover .

Bilr44

My past is in the past and I have no desire to post about all the stupid stuff I did. It serves no purpose anymore since I was drunk and now don't drink. There's nothing I can do about it but a lot of the memories bring up shame and embarrassment and I don't want to go there.

I have read some of these early on but shy away now because I can't relate to that behavior anymore. I've accepted that I can't drink and I'm at peace for what I've done in the past. Continuing to hold onto negative feelings, and things I'm not proud of is counterproductive to what I'm doing going forward.

Mags1

I couldn't share a lot of what I've done, I can't change it and don't wanna put myself through it again, the bits I remember anyway.
I just know I never want to be her again and tho it's uphill some days, it's worth the slog x

SeaScape

I haven't read all of the posts here but I am glad this idea was brought up!

I find that these stories romanticize things. There is nothing romantic about puking, or pissing in places civilized people wouldn't normally ****, or looking beyond our human companions to alcohol for support and connection.

It makes me feel like I am at a dry frat party - "look at the stupid crap I did! Oh but it was the alcohol!" Well who decided to drink it?

KissMyTiara

Dee, I find nothing wrong with them. It's what you hear every single day in every single AA meeting. It's how AA people recover. Talking about the past. And how to get out of it and move forward. You can't deny your past.

Weaver

Obviously there are going to be people who like these kinds of threads and those that don't. If you like them, click read and post away. If you don't like them, don't click, don't read and don't post away. Problem solved?