silentrun

Well it finally happened. Driving home today the thought floated into my mind "see you can quit when you want so go ahead and get drunk once in awhile."
What the hell happened to "all in" or "all out"? What happened to now or never?
I am coming up on Feb 10th the last day I abused alcohol. I tried to get drunk on May 1st so that is my sober day.
What do I need to do here? I am pretty sure I won't make it back if I pick up again. I have been around SR enough to know it is NEVER a good idea so that's not the problem. I am just worried somehow I am setting myself up for an epic fall.

karate

Moderation will take you right to the scene of the crash .

Dee74

Thoughts are thoughts - they're not imperatives to act, silentrun.
I think most people, oif not everyone, has them, I certainly did.

We're not leaves being helplessly carried along in a storm tho - if you feel vulnerable, ramp up your recovery - find more support, make whatever changes you feel might help you stay sober.

Urge Surfing is a great way to divorce ourselves from our thoughts and feelings. I recommend it.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

D

silentrun

Right off the cliff. I know I am freaking out that my brain even went there. It scares the crap out of me. That cannot happen.

Dan Dare

If you're like me, there is no such thing as moderation.
It doesn't exist.

NoJimmy

See my signature line, I think of that every time my mind starts to wonder towards that negotiating. May not work for everyone, but it works for me.

Aiko

Forget about moderation!!!!

Does not work!!!
Been there done that got back!!!

If you are out stay there. Do not play with fire... ;-)

silentrun

On feb 10th I had a total mind shift about my drinking. I realized how dangerously out of control it was. I am just afraid the old "this is no big deal" is trying to creep back in. I need to calm down. You are right Dee thoughts are not actions.

PurpleKnight

That drink won't force you to drink it, the thought of drinking needs to be acted upon for it to happen, if there's no alcohol in your house and you don't go anywhere near places with alcohol then it WON'T happen, it's you that has to lift the drink to consume it.

Ride it out, the feeling will pass, and you don't have to go back to that place prior to being Sober!!

KateL

No, moderation doesn't exist for me either.x

jaynie04

SR (did you plan those initials?) I could help but notice that this thread was in the of forum right below another thread where someone who tried moderation just got back after a year. Just a thought but if you stay sober and can work through this you are moving forward in your sobriety. You do have an important date coming up and I think you will feel amazing once you are beyond it. More than the hangover and the rest of the crap that would come with picking will be the disappointment of going backwards.

Yay you for coming here and talking about these feelings. I don't think we ever stop having them but alcoholism thrives on covert ops missions, it hates bright lights shined on it. And for me it is a solitary disease, when I am protecting it it gains power, when I share things here I have the benefit of my AV having to tackle the SR masses, a formidable lot.

silentrun

I'm OK. I just told someone on here it's like you think you slayed the evil villain but he pops up in your closet.

TigerLili

Alcohol is an enemy that doesn't quit. It will hide and watch for as long as it takes to get you when you're vulnerable.

Get some reinforcements :-)

alphaomega

Mi Amiga mejor - you are an incredibly strong soul who has weathered the last almost year relatively unscathed. It's just a thought. Just a single moment in time out of a bazillion. Nothing - NOTHING is good on the otherside of that drink. Remember me almost borderline suicidal after the last slip ? And remember you remembered the wah wahs and talked me off the ledge ?

It's hell. And he's waiting...

XO AO

Hevyn

You can rise above those thoughts silentrun. We know you will.

Hawkeye13

It's great you posted.

Moderation thinking was my downfall too.

Just can't be done in any way, shape, or form by us drinkers with a problem.

AlaskaGirl

How does this moderation thing go? For me it went from 1/3 bottle of Vodka a night to 3/4 bottle of Vodka a night.

silentrun

I told my husband about it. Warned him of all the BS I might throw his way (special occasion, I can handle it yadyadayada) I signed a piece of paper saying put me in treatment if I use again. He still doesn't believe I'm an alcoholic. I don't plan on proving it to him.
If I hadn't used in May I would be about due for my 1 year PAWS episode.

Sudz No More

Please don't give in Silentrun. You've come so far to throw it all away now. Just think about it, one year and beyond. Remove alcohol from the equation once and for all. Don't let yourself fall into the trap and have to live with the regret you will feel.

Stay strong, keep the alcoholic demon buried for good, there's no place for it in your life now. We've gone to hell and back already, they don't need another visit from us

tomsteve

I can still have thoughts of drinking pop into my head.
i cant control what thoughts pop up.
but i don't have to act on em.