well ****
 

Ok so on the positive i iwent 11 days sober! For my first sober run I guesses that's ok. I drank tonight. By myself cdause the whisky was hiding in the cubboard. In didnt buy wine though I didn't go to thsbstore for it but man this sucks. It fucjin sucks I'm in bed thinking..... This fucjin sucks wtf is wrong with me:react:a108:

Take the negativity you're are feeling and use it to fuel your rebound back into sobriety. Shape this into a positive, even though it may be hard. You made a mistake and it's hard to endure, but I think this is your mind telling you that you were on the right path before and to get right back on the saddle.

Hi krissy
Pls read the doctor's opinion & see why you Cannot safely drink again pg xxviii
If you don't have big bk, google it. Pour down the drain all alc in house, car etc & get to an aa mtg ASAP
Nothing will change in your life until you make a change

Krissy one of the best thing about being sober is how good you feel when you power through temptation and out the other side. The more often you succeed, the better you feel.
Give yourself a break by removing all alcohol of any kind from your vicinity. Jump onto SR for support whenever you feel like drinking.
I bet you can go much much further this time. How about a year?

If I didn't think I had a problem when I quit back in 2010, I darn sure knew I had a problem when I couldn't stay quit. I thought I had a drinking problems. Turns out I had alcoholism.

I treated it accordingly and have been sober since that relapse.

Either revise your idea of what your problem is, or revise how you tackle it.

oh I know what is wrong with you.

I have it too

I did the same type of thing because alcohol had taken over the few neurons I had left after destroying so many with alcohol.
Then I was given the idea that I could not drink in safety and if I didn't have the first drink I wouldn't have to get sober AGAIN.
During this learning period it was suggested I was allergic to alcohol which translated to "I am an Alcoholic."

BE WELL

I'm kinda lucky in a way, i kinda detest spirits (of the alcohol variety...) they just don't agree with my system, i guess I've had bad experiences.

Maybe it's because, even when I'm drunk, i still have a certain degree of control over my actions but with really strong stuff I'm afraid that I'll lose that control.

I've taken alcohol from the cupboard in the past, alcohol that wasn't even mine but my girlfriends or a family member... Yeh it gives you a buzz for what, a night? Then you have to face the music of being the loser that stole from family...

Taking action will help - As 1newcreation suggested, go through your whole house/apt/flat and pour ALL your alcohol out, including the hiding spots. When you're fighting the desire to drink having booze in the house isn't even fair - way too much temptation and if you are alcoholic, you're gonna drink it eventually. If you're hungover it's a good time to pour it out since you'll hopefully be feeling crappy enough that you can get the booze down the drain.

Now don't beat yourself up - you're simply doing what it is we do before we we admit that we are POWERLESS over alcohol. Believe it or not you are not a terrible person, and what you describe is completely understandable for anyone who has ever white-knuckled it! :)

I agree taking a look at the "Doctor's Opinion" in the Big Book is a great idea - just Google it and you can find it online.