babycat

I am kind of (really) wanting to have a baby. Really scared to tho. Last blood work was all good and I am positive I would stay absolutely sober for a baby.
I am in an almost 10 year strong relationship, my husband is wonderful. I still am worried about the physical affects I have done to myself. I am 31.
Any advice would be most appreciated.

suki44883

Best advice I can give is to see your doctor, be honest about wanting to have a child and your drinking history and see what he/she says. Good luck.

foolsgold66

Kinda time to get going huh? How long are you sober now?

Tamerua

I agree with both posts above... How long are you sober and talk to your doc. Of course, only you know what is right for you. Staying sober for baby is an 18+ year commitment. They change your life for good.. And for the better. good luck!!

ScottFromWI

I'd agree that a doctor visit would be the best place to start, especially if you feel there might be physical issues.

Bringing a child into the world is absolutely the biggest responsibility you will ever have, and the most work you will ever ecounter...both you and your husband. And it's forever. It's also one of the greatest joys. Make sure you are ready to take care if yourself first and foremost..then make your decision.

deeker

You are pretty new to sobriety right?
There is no guarantee that pregnancy is going to keep you sober and if it doesn't now you are harming an innocent life. Get a firm foundation in recovery for yourself first.. You may think pregnancy is gonna keep you sober. I have witnessed quite a few people who have said the same thing and ended up drinking when they were positive that they would not drink. Pregnancy does not change out addictive thinking.

needtostopthis

I am sure your fine. I was a binge drinker when I conceived my child that is now 4 and healthy as can be. I never drank during my pregnancy either. Good luck!

ETA: as long as you are not having a baby to keep yourself sober I don't see a problem.

sugarbear1

I'd wait until I had enough sobriety to know my child wasn't depending on me nor I on that child to keep me sober.

You have to stay stopped for you first.

Kissimee54

I admire you for actually putting some thought into whether or not to have a child. So many people don't even think about the circumstances and what it would be like for that kid. You are still young and this is nothing to be taken lightly.

Dee74

I'm pretty strong on this one.

I think every child deserves a sober parent, and not just for 9 months.

It's a heavy lifetime responsibility.
If you think you're up for it, great - if not, maybe you need to think some more babycat?

D

caboblanco

I do too..biggest problem..no babies momma.lol...I agree with Dee on the amount of sobriety thing and you are still young too so I don't think there is such a rush?

babycat

Thanks for all the responses. I probably do need to work on my sobriety a bit more first. I am not drinking nearly as much as I used to, it is pretty easy for me to go weeks without, but I still cave here and there.
I was having a moment yesterday, kinda had a scare and there was a small part of me that was disappointed I was not pregnant. Probably for the best tho.

ScottFromWI

Putting the pregnancy issue aside completely and just talking about sobriety, I'd say you definitively have some work to do. Moderation is not sobriety by any stretch of the imagination, even if the drinking is only "here and there". I think you have made a good decision to keep working on it, don't be a stranger!

Gal220

Having recently had a baby, I can say that pregnancies are traumatic physical experiences. You have no idea how it will effect your body. You might be totally fine, or you might be a wreck. Being healthy at the outset is no guarantee of how you'll do. We're not just talking physically here. Chemically a lot happens, and it can take months to a couple of years for your hormones to return to "normal". [Just an aside - I HATE when people blame the hormones. But keep in mind that hormones are responsible for all of your brain chemistry. So they effect your mental status as well as your physical status.]

Many people find it easy to stay sober while pregnant. You experience a sort of joy that comes with knowing that you're pregnant, and of course you love this person so much you don't want to hurt him, so staying sober can be a no-brainer. But afterwards? It's a whole different ball game. I have been sober for six years, and I can tell you that I have only seriously considered drinking again after having my two kids. I and my doctor are positive it's just chemistry issues.

But if I wasn't grounded in my sobriety, if I didn't know these issues are temporary, and if I didn't have an idea in my head that I don't drink no matter what, I would have drunk. I have no doubt about it. There have been times when the only reason I haven't drunk is because I know I'm going to have to be sober in two hours to wake up to feed my son.

Someone else posted that it's not just a nine month sobriety commitment, it's a lifetime commitment. That is so true. If I still think, oh I'll drink if . . . (whatever). I open myself up to drinking. What if I'm dealing with toddler tantrums (which can be day long affairs, not isolated incidents like the books all describe) or eight year old defiance or a kid who won't do his homework or clean his room or a teenager who does drugs and alcohol or is promiscuous?

And if I am having trouble staying sober or managing my own life, there is no way I can take on someone else's. That's not to say people don't do it all the time, but I want to give my kids a shot. They have so much pulling against them societally right from the get-go, so much genetically against them, I have to be the best parent I can be. It's not about me anymore. I'm going to screw up enough things sober, I don't need to add alcohol to the mix.

And it's definitely not just about the baby. Babies are easy. You just have to meet their physical needs and keep your sanity. It's the rest of it that's the struggle. And it's never what we expect, and it's never something we're entirely prepared for. That's not to say it's not the best thing ever! It is! But only because it's not about me.

MrTumble

Im think you need to see how you feel in your own heart. If you think you will drink during the pregnancy then that's could lead to the child inheriting some serious problems for the rest of its life, of course you would hate yourself for that for the rest of your life.

If you feel confident you wont drink through pregnancy, then it may be the case you can stay sober after.

Can you stay sober for 18+ years? Maybe, maybe not? You Wont know until 18 years is gone and by which time it will be too late for you to have children.

If staying sober was mandatory for 18 years, you'd find that most people here wouldn't have children. So I venture to say, pragmatically you dont need to make that mandatory.

Can you and your partner commit to giving the child the best possible life through infancy to adulthood? Can you provide love and proper care at all times, through the very best and the very worst of lifes journey? If you want a child, the answer to those questions has to be a mandatory "yes" - if you hear a "no" or a "not sure" or a "maybe" then really think very carefully because you are probably about to make a dreadful mistake.

Only you and your partner will know what to do, but as others have said, youre still young enough to give it a bit more time ...

needtostopthis

Couldn't have said it better. When I got pregnant with my son I was a binge drinker, but I didn't drink near as much as I most recently had been. I drank like once a week or maybe even once every other week. It was easy to stay sober when I was pregnant. It was such a happy time but then I had him and bam my world came crashing down. I got bad post partum depression and was almost committed to a psych ward. I got on some meds for that but I also started drinking again and this time I drank a lot because it seemed like it made me cope better. Having a child is the hardest job I have ever had. He is 4 now and there are days I feel like running away from home. Yes I love him but parenting is not easy and I know that when I have a hard day with him all I want to do is turn to the bottle to drown the day away. So if you have any doubt about your sobriety I wouldn't add a baby to the mix just yet. I know how you feel too because I would love to have another, but I am a mess right now with my drinking. I wish you luck.