Bluebird1927

As everyone has I've gathered drinking "friends", basically people I've never really seen without a drinking session happening. Grown up following a football (soccer) club where a macho drinking culture is prevalent.

Since stopping drinking I seem to have almost offended these people and they seem to have almost lost some respect for me. Just finding it hard understanding this at the moment. Anyone else experience anything similar?

KateL

If they can't respect someone who doesn't drink, then they are not real friends in my opinion. It's a big world, spread your wings and make some more xxxxxx

Bluebird1927

Yeah I fully agree, just annoys me. This world is a frustrating one

doggonecarl

Maybe your feelings are hurt because you've assigned the "friend" tag to drinking buddies. If you've explained your situation and why you can't drink and they can't support you, you have your answer. Stay annoyed if it helps, but stay away from them.

gaffo

I was thinking about this the other day. When I was a drinker it used to freak me out when my friends would get sober. I think it disturbed me because I knew that I needed to quit as well. Now I've seen it from both sides. Sometimes you just need to take some time off while you sort yourself out. I know I do. Getting sober is pretty heavy but real friendships can survive this.

GracieLou

They can't lose something they never had. If they were true friends or at least some of them were then they would support not only your decision but find time to do non-drinking activities with you.

I know for me, everything I did involved drinking and I did not associate with anyone that did not drink because I wanted to be able to drink the way I wanted to and I could not do that and feel comfortable around non-drinkers. I felt they were counting every drink I had.

Dee74

The bond I had with many people was drinking - take that bond away and things are apt to change.

Most of my drinking buddies liked things just the way they were. I was mixing it up and changing the dynamic.

We all went our own way - I'm happy and as far as I know no ones wasting away pining for me, so it's all good.

Real friends support you

D

Bluebird1927

Thanks everyone and I know you're all bang on right. At the end of the day I'm doing this for myself and as people say, the real friends will stick around.

Thank you

quitter13

I pretty much have no friends anymore, mostly of my own choice. I moved 3000 away from home 8 years ago. All the friends I made since relaxing are drinking friends. I just started ignoring call and texts since my first attempt at sobriety last year. None of them were enriching my life. I have enough socializing with the wife and coworkers during the day and even that is too much for me. I am kind of a loner

karate

To heck with what people think.

I don't drink DEAL WITH IT .

Your true friends WILL NOT encourage you to drink . They will discourage it .

TucTee

I've lost a few friends so far since stopping. It's a natural aspect of quitting, in my eyes. Some friends will only be acquaintances due to the sole common interest of drinking.

Interestingly, I most notably stopping spending time with soccer fans. It really is a sport that promotes drinking as a part of fandom. That may be a generalization, but I find the pressure to drink more pronounced when spectating that sport as opposed to others. I can enjoy the game sober, but I do notice the incredulity of others when they realize I'm not pounding beers along with them. Still looking forward to the World Cup--drinking be damned.

Bluebird1927

Cheers for the replies, got to be honest maybe I was missing the drinking more than the friends as today I feel fine about leaving them behind ha ha.

No one is getting in my way this time

quitter13

I think you're on to something. I've been there myself. Once you work on yourself, you'll make new friends if you want them

Bluebird1927

Cheers, I'll be honest, I couldn't have cared less who I was drinking with as long as I was drinking. Most of the time the booze itself was my actual friend

karate

I'm not going to ruin my life because of peer pressure , I got some diffrent peers .

The old ones are very aggravating now , they still drink .

I'm ashamed I used to act like that .

Bluebird1927

Spot on mate, it can be embarrassing looking at people I used to drink with, thinking I used to be that guy

karate

I have one friend , that is a big beer drinker , he always tries to persuade me to drink too .

He is very persistent about it .

Bluebird1927

Maybe he feels more "normal" when drinking with you? I don't know. All I know is no one seems to understand why I want to stop which is hard for me to understand

EverySngleNight

My old best friend is a heavy drinker. I am completely underwhelmed by her support. I'm pretty sure she thinks this is a phase, and is waiting for me to "snap out of it".

I guess if she acknowledges my sobriety- what's it say about her? But, it's not about her. I don't care if she drinks. I can't hang if she's drinking. I can't answer my phone at all hours any more... But, we could grab a coffee- go check out some books or something??? I would've still been there if she needed me, and made time to still do things together - just sober. Big deal!

People want to make it about them. They can't deal with it when one of their forms of validation (a drinking buddy) goes away. It makes them feel badly to question themselves, and we bring that up for them.

Basically, it has NOTHING to do with you or me. It's all about them. And REALLY, a true friend (aka a good person, with a decent head on their shoulders)- whether a drinker or not, will feel concern for YOU and have your back, without internalizing every little thing.

I hope I can find some true friends eventually.

Like2Hike

This issue has been an unexpected challenge for me so this thread is most appreciated. I haven't lost any close friends since going sober but suddenly find myself without any casual friends to hang out with. A recent move separates me from lifelong friends and family.

Being isolated and bored on Saturday nights was the worst part of the first months sober. SR helped a lot. As well as doing things that were impossible when I was still drinking....like driving to a bookstore or a coffee house.