safe2breathe

one of the very first meetings i ever attended, i walk in ""- crap - immediately recognize a face - a young woman from some of my college classes -- YUP - she saw me - she recognizes me crap... guess i might as well stay"" meeting is over and immediately she walks over to me and says "" i knew you were one of us --- i could see it in your eyes -- you had sad lonely, desperateness in your eyes and i just knew it.

now, by this point i was drinking non stop throughout the day ... i wake up have a few natural ices - go to class -- had a break, so of course id go to the dive bar just down the road -- usually id go back to class after about an hour worth of drinks --head home and drink till around 10 or 11 (if i had work id go there when needed) then go to a bar close it down then usually home or somewhere to drink some more before passing out... anyway - i dont know that there was any point during the day (or night) that there wasnt a steady amount of alcohol pulsing through my veins ---

when i finally started telling people - yea, i quit drinking -- there were a lot of people who were very surprised - not people who knew better - but people i saw on a day to day basis - they just did not know that is what i was doing ... but this woman did - one who i had maybe talked to twice for less than 5 minutes... why??

now a days - i think about it - and every now and then - i feel like i can pick out the drunks... of course i rarely ever know ... and that is alright -

there is no REAL point to this post --- it was just something that happened that i think about from time to time...



Edit: i guess what i was really getting at is that you come on a site like this - you go to the rehabs, or aa meetings and see and meet all kinds of people - people all the time are walking around one another - around you and I and they are sober and dealing with or dealt with the same crap - and we have no idea - it is like the aliens living with the humans in Men In Black - it is incredible really to think about... that is all .

silentrun

I can tell someone might be getting in to trouble just by the way they talk. The phrase "I need it to fall asleep."

safe2breathe

yea - that one is pretty much a give away - do you tell them " actually you only need to be tired to fall asleep."

silentrun

I will say it is actually probably what is interfering with sleep. We addicts are good at believing what we want to though. Nobody wants to think alcohol is causing the problems until we get to the point that there is no denying it.

caboblanco

i really can't pick out an alcoholic unless he's the type that sits at the bus stop all day drinking natty annoying people

karate

Funny part is EVERYONE already knows ,We are not fooling a single ,sober person .

All our friends and co-workers already know ,or mine did .

DaneK

I'm one of those who "needed" it to go to sleep. I could go all day without a drink... Didn't even want to drink... But come 10 o'clock at night I had to drink whether I wanted to or not. I didn't know how to function without it. Eventually I realized that even though I didn't fit all the "alcoholic criteria", I was still an alcoholic just the same.

safe2breathe

sounds like you fit it to me ... there are a LOT of different types of fish in the Gulf ... but theyre all fish.

silentrun

I never thought I needed it. I just did it. Every night at 7 pm start a pint of whiskey. I could have drank more but I only bought a pint as a way of controlling it. The phrase I need it worries me when it comes from someone I know.

ImperfectlyMe

This is a really interesting and cool post safe!!! I think your friend aptly put it, there's something in the eyes of someone struggling. A sadness and a almost lost child look. Who knows if I'm right because I've never actually asked a stranger, but I defintely have seen that look! As a now non drinker you can also see it in people's public drinking manarisms. The long stares at the bottle or the reluctance to reach for another following a scan of the room to see who's watching.

safe2breathe

it is too true-- and i find i get stuck in a balancing act of how to approach or what to say --- i want to just walk up and say - you dont have to live like this ... i know what youre going through - but dont want to cause shame or guilt, come off as judgmental - especially since it isnt me judging but sympathizing and relating to them ... if you attend meetings and pay attention to the new comers you see the look a lot also... blank stare of despair and uncertainty i guess ...

caboblanco

you are lucky safe. There has only been 2 people who have ever suspected anything about my drinking. One was my only drinking buddy and the other was an advisor at my school. Neither of them were kind or understanding.

They both judged me in a condescending way and used their thoughts to embarrass me and to make themselves look like hot shots. i know for a fact that neither of them could give a dam if i was drinking or not. They only cared to use such a thing against me for their own gain

Sudz No More

When someone says "I need a beer" or other alcohol type jokes like "got some vodka for that?" I usually figure they are on their way or already in the throes. I will joke back and banter about but these days with me not drinking it does feel uncomfortable. I'm glad when they walk away after saying junk like that.

Then there are the ones that have that look about them, the gaunt puffy looking face. Blotchy skin and gin blossoms, these days I really can see it in someone when they approach. This one guy looks kind of grey and dry with glassy eyes and you can just tell it is from drinking.

Was I this kind of guy? All my friends that I asked told me they couldn't see it and never even smelled it on me. Strange as I had to at least have reeked of it on occasion, I guess I just kept my distance well.

Non drinkers don't notice it because they don't see their drunk selves in the mirror every night and morning. They see the drinking for the party and don't see the dependence. Like the time I chugged two beers in about 2 minutes because I was on the clock during a boring dinner shift and snuck away on a small break. I hustled to the pizza store, bought 2 beers and stood at a table chugging them. The only 2 guys in the store watched me and only said to each other, he's gonna feel that. I laughed leaving because I knew those 2 beers were only an appetizer to many more beers to come and that I would hardly even feel them at all.

karate

You sure have that right ,2 beers was not a proper warm up .

More like breakfast ,in those days .

DaneK

I'm definitely a member of the (Alcoholic) club. Step 1 was hard for me to accept. I kept trying to redefine "alcoholic" to where I wouldn't be one. But now that I've accepted it, I'm perfectly ok with being one.