Sober2014

Hi all,
I'm new posting here but have been lurking for a while. I'm 35 and have been drinking since I was 15, to various extents. However the last 18 months have been excessive, approx 6-8 bottles of wine a week. I have started to feel like my liver is suffering now, constantly feels bloated and uncomfortable. I'm also checking the whites of my eyes every morning to see if they are going yellow!!! My skin and hair look awful and I'm sure that is an effect. The most important thing though is that I have two young children and I don't want them to grow up watching me get drink or worst still them growing up without me.
So, 2014, my plan is to not drink during January to start with and then hopefully carry on. I'm on day 4 today as I drank until 4.30am New Year's Day! However have already had two testing days, Friday I normally have a bottle of wine each who my husband - however didn't miss it and felt great waking up without a hangover, yesterday had all my family over for a meal and I normally start drinking while I am cooking and don't stop till it's bedtime! I drank fizzy water instead, I had good conversation with everyone and also managed to tidy everything away before going to bed, again waking up fresh this morning.
I'm feeling positive at the moment however back to work tomorrow to. A stressful job.
However, my liver still feels swollen, and I am not sleeping well at all, when will I start to get those benefits?
My ultimate aim is to stop the excessive drinking and be able to just have a few glasses of wine at the weekends, instead of numerous bottles. However, total abstinence may be my only way to deal with this only time will tell.
Sorry for the long post, thank you for reading and I am going to try to use this as my way of venting my feelings! Not really telling people about this at the moment - am just saying that I'm having a dry January

Dee74

Hi and welcome Sober2014 insomnia is a common malady for early recovery - it usually took a week or so for me to start sleeping in any kind of routine.

As for your swollen liver concerns - only a Dr can really answer that.
Are you planning to see one?

I wish you well and I really hope you'll decide to make your dry month last a lot longer than that

D

Anjfate

Hi....I have to tell you that your post encouraged me to join this forum. I have very very similar behaviors.....it is always bottles of wine, not glasses....and I too start drinking while I'm cooking. I just realized last night that it is out of control and I am going "sober" for as long as I can. I am also hopeful that it will be for a very long time, however, like you, I am hopeful that at some point I can have a glass of wine with dinner.

I have been questioning my drinking for the past year....it seems like it gets more and more glasses of wine every week.....waking up without a hangover and feeling refreshed in the morning certainly makes it more appealing to stop!

I am new here as I mentioned, and this is extremely foreign to me to be sharing my fears openly. Does your family know? I have told my husband in passing this morning and asked if he would please support me... He said some nasty comment......I am not sure I will get his support as he tends to have multiple beers or wine every evening as well. I know I can be strong even without his support, but it sure would be helpful if he would do this with me!

Are you considering going to any type of meetings? I guess I must admit.....I'm not sure right now I can say that I am an alchoholic.....I think it would be easier if I could admit that. I am considering attending a meeting to see how "uncomfortable" I might feel. I am concerned about my son though and do not want him exposed to this excessive drinking and the sometimes irrational behavior that goes with it.

I am hopeful that you will be strong....I will be strong with you! Today is my day 1!! Thank you for the post.....it allowed me the ability to start my "process" and road to being "dry".

Nevertheless

Congrats on 4 days,and glad you are posting.
It's hard to let go of alcohol,and the thought of "I will never drink again".
Most of us feel or felt that way. Thats why we only focus on staying sober today.
My experience is like Dee's. A week or two,and you should be sleeping like normal. Might have some vivid dreams. but everything gets more normal as time goes on.
For me quitting was very difficult,and once I finally got the monkey off of my back,I want to keep it that way. I have no desire to go through that again.
Believe me,I understand your reluctance to let go of your "old friend".
But your "old friend" has you concerned for your liver.
My "old friend' had me wondering what I did the day before. Feeling like crap every morning. Blowing money I shouldn't have blown. The list goes on and on. For me the only way to make him go away and stay away was to sever all ties and get him completely out of my life.
Now that he's been gone for a while,I don't miss him one damn bit.

KateL

Have a lovely dry January and you will probably feel much better. It will hopefully spurr you on to want a dry February xxx

indakut

Welcome to SR!
Being tired of being sick and tired and Waking up without a hangover keep me sober everyday! I am a little older than you but I too spent DECADES of drinking and smoking cigarettes. Your body needs a rest from the alcohol and restlessness. Treat your body nicely Congrats on Da.y 4 and keep up the good work

alphaomega

You sound just like me. You can do this. We can help.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...night-lot.html

Sudz No More

Welcome and congratulations on your life changing decision. It's the best choice you'll ever make for your health and family. Hang in there those first couple weeks, the mental cravings can make you cave in. Don't let them. Stay the course and get passed the addiction, remember how much you began to hate drinking when those impulses come. Be strong and hold on, you can do it.

Sober2014

Thank you for all your replies, this is the earliest opportunity I have had to reply.
In asnwer to everyone-
Dee74, not planning on seeing Doc, a bit scared what he will say to be honest. Don't want him looking at me as a bad person/mum etc. Do you think I should?
Anjfate - So glad you posted this reply to my post, I felt happy to have also given someone else encouragement. I spoke to my husband in passing about it, more saying to him that I want to cut down, and he was pleased but he has no intentions of giving up! He is much more in control of his drinking although he does drink everyday, whether it be a couple of cans or go out on a bender (probs once every 2-3 weeks) Due to us having kids we don't really go out drinking together, he goes out with his mates and I stay at home and have a bottle or so!!! As for the rest of the family I have just said I am having a dry January, I keep thinking if I tell to people I am giving up, I am admitting I have a problem. Like you I am not comfortable with labeling myself an alcoholic. How was your first dry day?
Yesterday was another test - however found it quite easy - we all had dinner with our drinking buddies! Myself and my best mate when we get together can finish off a lot of wine together! However I said I didn't want to drink and we stuck to it - she joined me!- and we drunk fizzy water!!! I know this will get harder, and time will tell. I'm back to work today and feeling fresh and organised!
Some of the other comments above are so true - still not sleeping well ( I never have trouble sleeping normally!) but when I do sleep I am having the most vivid dreams!!!
With me not drinking I am also not smoking - onyl ever smoked with a glass of wine in my hand - so hopefully doing two good things at once. However I am eating like a horse and wondering whether I am going to pile on the weight due to using food as an alcohol replacement?

Dee74

I had a very bad last home detox so yeah my default position is always to see a Dr.
It's simply the safest option, hands down.

I wish I had.

If you're too embarrassed to see your normal Dr, is it possible to see another one?

D

Sober2014

Think I will make an appointment, how much were you drinking before you gave up?

huntingtontx

Hi Sober, you are past the worst part, at least for me it was. I am so glad you have joined us. I love being sober. When I first quit I thought I would do this a while and get my drinking under control, then maybe have a glass of wine. As time went on I realized a glass of wine was not my friend. It made me feel bad, took my self respect, made me act stupid and wake feeling bad. The longer I am without it the more I know I don't want to drink. I am doing this one day at a time. When I started I could not even think of never drinking again, it was just to hard a thought. Now I only worry about today. I will not drink today. That makes it so much easier for me. I wish you well on your journey, and hope to get to know you. We are all here for you.

tam2014

Congrats to you sober 24! This is by far the best support I've personally found not being f2f. I just wanted to add if you feel you need to see a dr, do it. So natural for moms to bump their needs down the list. My 1st time quitting I needed meds and pro supervision. However this time not necessary, and I knew that as well. Pay attention to your body. Moment to moment day to day. I'm glad you found this forum! I also love the 24 hour sign up.

indakut

Keep eating. You can deal with that later. Your body is probably happy that it is getting more nutrients and the alcohol is not robbing them of it. The sleep will come. Just keep taking care of yourself and on to DAY 5

tam2014

I would really like to delete #13 post or @ least edit to read:

"Congrats to you sober 24! This is by far the best support I've personally found not being f2f. Glad you found this forum."

I was using my talk to text on my phone and not all of that was meant for this post. There are two conversations in that. Just clearing that up Oh well made far worse mistakes! Didn't see the option to edit.

Anjfate

Just lost my entire post!😞 bummer! Long story short cause I'm running short on time....glad your feeling good! Amazing you were able to be with your friends and stay strong.....I too am doing ok....I too am not smoking...talk about going dry right???? :-). Hope that you can work through the"Muncie/nervous eating" as I call it...l decided to try yoga/guided meditation for 10 minutes....and no...I have never done anything lie that before...but amazingly it helps me be more in sync with my body/mind. you might want to check out Barron baptist....he has a 40 day revolution starting jan 13....it's free....and even if you don't do everything....he sends an inspirational email every morning....and free links to guided meditations tag are only 10 minutes. Maybe it's not for you....but thought I would mention it because it has been helping me. Stay strong.....and remember....you were my inspiration. 😄

Sober2014

Thanks Anjfate, your post made me smile, glad I'm giving someone else some encouragement! I'm now day 6, feeling like I'm coming down with a cold now
Been thinking about this weekend coming, have a big party to go to (family so no getting out of it) I come from a family of drinkers so will seem very odd if I'm not. When I was thinking of doing this I had always said I'll have Saturday as a day off the no drinking as I wanted to enjoy myself, but now I really don't want to ruin what I have done ( I know it's only a few days compared to a lot of you, I don't want to start back at day 1 again though) I spoke to my husband who was surprised but said he would support me, I'm going to drive and my excuse to people will be that I am doing dry January. I'm worried how it will be though, I'm always the drunk one at parties, always on the dance floor and without a drink, I'm going to be really boring and probably want to leave really early....

Anjfate

Yikes....sounds like a tough weekend....I too am going to have a tough night...tonight is our night out for beers and wings (with my husband!) UGGGGH.....he seems to think this is going to "pass"....as last night he was already asking me if I wanted to have a beer with him.....I had to say no 3 times before he didn't ask any more. Talk about minimal support. Wow is it hard....I feel like I have to be strong for everyone! You can do it....it is really hard to be the strong one, but hey....that's what we do right? Actually what I have found is that NOT drinking has empowered me....in fact, now when I see my husband having a beer....I kind of think to myself "wow....does he REALLY need/want a beer? why???" I'm thrilled that I am feeling this way....I too would be the "life of the party" with my family....yes, drinking family as well.. I can not imagine how hard that will be. I actually went to my family Christmas party this year (full of drinkers) and didn't drink there so I could be the DD....it was VERY strange....many looked at me unusually....but in the end...there were many of the younger ones that were very intoxicated....and I again felt really good that I had my bearings, wasn't dancing on the table so to speak....and quite frankly, no one seemed to even notice or care quite honestly that I was or was not drinking! :-) I'm hoping that will be a similar experience for you! Maybe if you think of it as an empowerment it will really help. Think about all the calories we are saving by not drinking (what is it....about 1000 calories per bottle of wine!) YEAH! I'm hoping my night goes well here today.....a bit nervous....as I think this will be one of the first times out with my husband that I did not have a drink ! Hope your weekend goes well.....its kind of nice to know that someone is out there also fighting the same "demons" that I do!

Dee74

Hey sober2014 congrats on day 6.

do you really need to go to this party?
D

SilentCinemaFan

Hi, I was browsing this forum and saw your story. I've decided to stop drinking on Jan 3, 2014. How I came to decide on that is a extremely long story I hope I can tell once I hit the 1 month mark but all I can say is it was pretty bad.

I hope we all can support each other through this "dry" January month and see how we go...