someonelikeyou0

I am leaving for rehab today. One of the common questions that arise is should family members drink around you once you're sober. Some feel like it is their right and you shouldn't be offended. Others feels like you should respect the person in early sobriety. What do you think?

Robertstone

I think that once I overcame alcoholism that it didn't matter. Alcohol wasn't something that I needed to avoid, or never mention, or pretend that it doesn't exist in order to keep myself from drinking it. It has been just about 5 years now and never once have I wished that someone would not drink around me.

With that said, I think yes, family members should feel just fine drinking around you. That should in no way cause you do want to drink again, since you will have overcome your addiction. The thing is, if you continue to listen to your addictive voice, it won't matter if alcohol is near you or not, you will go get it anyway. Tell that voice to blow.

suki44883

While it might be easier if our friends and family didn't drink around us in early sobriety, they are under no obligation to do so. Alcohol is everywhere, and I mean e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e. There is no escaping it, so, since you are headed to rehab anyway, give it everything you've got. Learn the coping mechanisms they will teach you. Learn how to not let what someone else does interfere with your desire for recovery.

You can do this, hon. No one says it will be easy, but it is very simple. Do not pick up a drink no matter what. Good luck. Let us know how you are doing. (((HUGS)))

WMJ1012

The answers are all in the chapter entitled "working with others."

ImperfectlyMe

Firstly good luck and congrats on starting this journey
You sound like you're really ready and are asking alot of really good questions. I find when taking these blind leaps having an open quizzical mind is the best attitude.

On others drinking around you upon returning. Here's how I felt in early sobriety, and this is just me. The more others pointed it out to me, the more different and ostracized I felt. While I wouldn't surround myself with huge parties. I had to begin to feel comfortable around the people in my life who drank responsible. My problem is and was not theirs. Of course there are times it sucks to watch but I remind myself the two glasses of wine they are having is to compliment there steak.... And not to take a mental train ride to escapeville.

It takes time and getting comfortable with all of this will be an adjustment. And that's where SR will be key once you get back home. Even the littlest question or annoyance can be voiced here and someone will hear you and know exactly what your talking about!!

All the best to you, keep us posted!

zjw

i prefer family members do whatever they want around me. I'm not some diseased leper who cant be around booze. drinking is my problem not theres. Now granted I wouldnt want them pressureing me to drink but aside from that I dont care what they do. But I was in a situation recently with family where they all hid it. it was a gathering everyone had disappeared they where all on the back porch drinking away from the alcoholic ya know didnt want me to start twitching or something ::facepalm:: I felt insulted about that. But I have to realize they dont know any better. I thought about explaining it to them but it just isnt somehting I feel like hashing out with them either *sigh*

KateL

I couldnlt stop anyone from drinking around me in the family circle which was a bit irksome at first, but I got used to it x

seahorse661

For me it depends on the venue. If we are out at a restaurant for example or at their home, they should do what they normally would. My home is alcohol free and they have to respect that when I invite them here

Taking5

You can't stay in the vacuum of rehab forever. You'll eventually get out. Some friends and family will be respectful around the newly sober you and not drink. Others will drink but not be so in your face about it. Others will drink and be very much in your face about it. Worst of all, do not be surprised when someone tries to pour/buy you a drink. Count on it. These are people who most likely have alcohol issues of their own and your new sobriety is a threat to them.

This is our world we have to live in it and share it. Rehab will teach you how to handle these situations, as will any aftercare program you use such as AA, Smart, Rational Recovery, a counselor, etc. On that note, definitely use something after rehab, your chances of long term sobriety will skyrocket.

indakut

I didn't go to rehab. I had to distance myself from others for MONTHS. When I came back around people, there were situations where someone would buy me a drink or try to pour me one. I was strong then (because of months of distancing) and wasn't going back to that pathetic drunken life that I once lived. NOPE! Haters want to see you fail. I lost 45-50 pounds and look 10-15 years younger. Why wouldn't they hate??? Of course they are going to try to get me to drink so I can go back to being that dysfunctional fat woman with a ton of problems.
I got 99 problems but a drink ain't one.

God bless you in rehab. May you come out victorious!!!!

Music

I lost the right to drink. Other people who drink and don't have a problem, have a right to drink. You have the right to ask them not to drink if they're in your home, but like my first sponsor told me, "just because you're not drinking, don't expect the rest of the world to stop and take notice." Drinking, or not drinking is my problem. I don't make it everyone else's problem. I'm not the center of the universe simply because I choose to not drink.

Blackhawkfan

Do we really overcome alcoholism and overcome our addiction? I'm early in recovery but I'm under the impression that this will be a lifelong process to defeat alcoholism. I've never heard of addictions being cured but maybe I misinterpreted the comment above.

I'm early in on my recovery which started in Nov and involved a relapse in mid Dec. Currently in outpatient rehab and working hard on my plan to stay sober. Based on everything I've heard and read - in the early stages of recovery (+\- 1 year) it is best to avoid high risk situations. Agree if they come to your house - they should respect your wishes. I generally agree that in someone else's house that I shouldn't dictate the rules.......I also think it is a unique situation for each person. If I just exited rehab and in the early stages of recovery which I am.....my family and friends are perfectly fine not drinking around me given it is do early. Frankly - it has been somewhat refreshing for family to actually have get togethers without booze and family enjoys time together.

Sorry to ramble - to each his own. For me - being around booze as a recovery A right now so early on presents a high risk situation and can create a lot if different emotions. Better for me not to be around it at this point and my loved ones appreciate the challenge I face.

karate

In my field ,we have to entertain clients they drink ,because they are on our tab .

Does not bother me one bit ,In fact I can easily identify the people with the problem .

When someone slams down two twenty ounce mugs of beer ,in 15 minutes ,Its very clear to me .

nickand

Yes, they should be able to drink around you. However, they should not rub it in your face.