hello...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 16
hello...
Hi all! By way of introduction, I'm a 28 year old lady who, as of today, has 5 days under her belt (NYE was day one... I was sick from drinking the night before!)
I actually have been signed up on this forum for 5 years. I drunkenly arrived here one night and signed up to be able to see posts. I have read intermittently throughout the years. This forum has really helped me along the way, even though I wasn't ready to quit yet.
I was a problem drinker for about ten years. I drank throughout college, law school, and for the last three years of being a lawyer. I drank nightly, like a "normal person" (2-4 drinks, not exactly normal I think). Going out or on a weekend night, I would drink probably twice that. Certain nights, especially when going out with others, I would drink 1-2 drinks and pat myself on the back for my moderation. Either later that night or the next night I would definitely make up for it. It's gotten progressively worse.
I have read a lot of posts on this forum and recognized myself in them- sneaking chugs of liquor (my poor husband, who does the cooking and rarely touches alcohol, was shocked to find that even his vermouth and some weird Italian liquor was gone a couple months ago!), being unable to stop once I'd started, and doing things I would never do sober. I have never gotten a DUI or physically hurt myself, thank God. While I have also never missed work because of drinking, I can definitely say my work has been affected.
Why has it taken me five years to post? I wasn't ready to acknowledge the problem I have with alcohol, except to myself, alone and drunk at night (what a blast I was, drinking and sobbing by myself at night! woooo!) I definitely wasn't ready to announce it to others.
I tried to quit this July, and made it 17 days before a senior colleague at work I really admire (she is amazing) invited me over to her house and offered me wine. From there I tried to convince myself I could moderately drink... which landed me straight back into my old patterns.
One thing the July quit taught me, though, was that I need support in some fashion. My awesome husband (perhaps after realizing his spouse was quietly draining his gross cooking liquor) has talked with me about my drinking and has been 100% supportive of me quitting. He is one of those annoying people who can open a beer, drink half of it, and decide he doesn't want the rest and dump it down the sink. If he never had a beer again, he wouldn't care. That's kind of where this forum comes in... sometimes it's helpful to chat with people who have been there, not someone who would be slightly more bummed about giving up tangerines for life than booze
One thing I would love advice on is how to deal with social pressure- I am actually pretty good at not drinking at large gatherings (one thing my July quit also taught me, no one notices) but at one on one get togethers such as with my work friend. It's weird for me because I don't exactly want to say I have a problem with alcohol at work, but lawyers are a notoriously boozy bunch and sometimes people want to hang out one on one and have a glass of wine. Thoughts?
Sorry so long. Thanks for reading!
I actually have been signed up on this forum for 5 years. I drunkenly arrived here one night and signed up to be able to see posts. I have read intermittently throughout the years. This forum has really helped me along the way, even though I wasn't ready to quit yet.
I was a problem drinker for about ten years. I drank throughout college, law school, and for the last three years of being a lawyer. I drank nightly, like a "normal person" (2-4 drinks, not exactly normal I think). Going out or on a weekend night, I would drink probably twice that. Certain nights, especially when going out with others, I would drink 1-2 drinks and pat myself on the back for my moderation. Either later that night or the next night I would definitely make up for it. It's gotten progressively worse.
I have read a lot of posts on this forum and recognized myself in them- sneaking chugs of liquor (my poor husband, who does the cooking and rarely touches alcohol, was shocked to find that even his vermouth and some weird Italian liquor was gone a couple months ago!), being unable to stop once I'd started, and doing things I would never do sober. I have never gotten a DUI or physically hurt myself, thank God. While I have also never missed work because of drinking, I can definitely say my work has been affected.
Why has it taken me five years to post? I wasn't ready to acknowledge the problem I have with alcohol, except to myself, alone and drunk at night (what a blast I was, drinking and sobbing by myself at night! woooo!) I definitely wasn't ready to announce it to others.
I tried to quit this July, and made it 17 days before a senior colleague at work I really admire (she is amazing) invited me over to her house and offered me wine. From there I tried to convince myself I could moderately drink... which landed me straight back into my old patterns.
One thing the July quit taught me, though, was that I need support in some fashion. My awesome husband (perhaps after realizing his spouse was quietly draining his gross cooking liquor) has talked with me about my drinking and has been 100% supportive of me quitting. He is one of those annoying people who can open a beer, drink half of it, and decide he doesn't want the rest and dump it down the sink. If he never had a beer again, he wouldn't care. That's kind of where this forum comes in... sometimes it's helpful to chat with people who have been there, not someone who would be slightly more bummed about giving up tangerines for life than booze
One thing I would love advice on is how to deal with social pressure- I am actually pretty good at not drinking at large gatherings (one thing my July quit also taught me, no one notices) but at one on one get togethers such as with my work friend. It's weird for me because I don't exactly want to say I have a problem with alcohol at work, but lawyers are a notoriously boozy bunch and sometimes people want to hang out one on one and have a glass of wine. Thoughts?
Sorry so long. Thanks for reading!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Welcome to the posting side of things paralysedforce
I was not good with 'social pressures' either so I excused myself from all situations where alcohol was a central factor, until such time as I knew I wanted to be sober and nothing or no one would sway me.
that took me a few months but I still think it was worth it. It was a great investment in my continued recovery.
D
I was not good with 'social pressures' either so I excused myself from all situations where alcohol was a central factor, until such time as I knew I wanted to be sober and nothing or no one would sway me.
that took me a few months but I still think it was worth it. It was a great investment in my continued recovery.
D
We're here to encourage your sobriety and share our experiences. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 16
Thanks Dee! That's good advice. It's hard not to feel like the wet blanket for not drinking... but it's probably all in my head. Now that I've taken the tough (for me) step of posting here for the first time, I look forward to chatting about other people's experiences with sobriety. It's kind of new to me, I'm not used to socializing without alcohol.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
It's tough for all of us I think, but it's a skill like any other - we learn it in increments.
I started small in non alcoholic situations - meeting for coffee, movies, sports - I even did some volunteering - it got me back into contact with people, without the drinking aspect.
D
I started small in non alcoholic situations - meeting for coffee, movies, sports - I even did some volunteering - it got me back into contact with people, without the drinking aspect.
D
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
Welcome para I think your going to love the posting side of things. Talk about fashionably late 
five years is quite an entrance wait, but in glad you're here! I like your wit and really enjoyed your post.
five years is quite an entrance wait, but in glad you're here! I like your wit and really enjoyed your post.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
My awesome husband (perhaps after realizing his spouse was quietly draining his gross cooking liquor) has talked with me about my drinking and has been 100% supportive of me quitting
awful isnt it? But having someone who can help you is good. In my case I had to remain in control it was my problem and i did not want ANYONE tellen me if i could drink or not!! my wife remained patient and quiet on the sidelines. One day 30 days in (when i caved once before when i tried to quit) i had a really bad day. I said the hell with it i'm having a drink I grabbed it out of the fridge was about to open it and she asked why i needed that if i had made it 30 days it just seemed stupid to have a drink now just over 1 bad day! I told her I dont care I've earned it and i'm angry! she looked sad i felt bad and i put that beer back in the fridge and never drank it. I never got so close to having a drink again after that.
So while the alcoholic in me says oh no shes nuts why did she do this. The reasonable non drinking me says way to go it might just save your butt!
As far as socialization goes I'm not sure what to tell you. I certainly wouldnt just blurt out that you have a drinking problem though jokingly saying your a raging alcoholic can be humerous and then follow it up with your watching your weight or something.
My biggest problem is alcohol helped me out of my shell in a social gathering. without it i'm incredibly introverted the quiet guy in the corner etc... For me I've gone back to being the quiet guy in the corner and i'm happy there it doesnt bother me one bit.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 16
LOL- oh don't be fooled, zjw, I'm incredibly stubborn. He's been patiently bringing up my drinking for a while, but of course I didn't have a problem! I'm a lawyer, there's the truth and the "truuuuth" I told myself I deserved that vermouth, I had a tough day and stuff.
Nothing wrong with being the quiet guy in the corner- often they're the most interesting ones to talk to!
I told myself I deserved that vermouth, I had a tough day and stuff. Nothing wrong with being the quiet guy in the corner- often they're the most interesting ones to talk to!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Yeah I didnt have a drinking problem for at least a year after i sobered up. Oh sure others had complaints about my habit and such but it was never a problem for me. I mean why when i went to the store for more beer there was plenty and when i went to the fridge it was fully stocked what was the problem? *sigh*
Taking the the cooking booze is sort of a sign. I was making my own wine and such it tasted downright awful but it was cheap and it would knock me down in a jiffy. On one evening I polished off some of my special wine and promplty vomited in the sink wife laughed at me I laughed said i'd be up later as i was not done drinking yet.
but no i did not have a drinking problem ::facepalm::
Taking the the cooking booze is sort of a sign. I was making my own wine and such it tasted downright awful but it was cheap and it would knock me down in a jiffy. On one evening I polished off some of my special wine and promplty vomited in the sink wife laughed at me I laughed said i'd be up later as i was not done drinking yet.
but no i did not have a drinking problem ::facepalm::
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Being a lawyer I'd imagine your even better at justifying why you should have a drink. Bad day good day deserve it dont deserve it its a hot day its a holiday its a social gathering its my birthday its christmas it might go bad etc...
the list of reasons to have a drink go on and on and on. for people like us we just have to realize that it just does not end well for us and will never work out how we expect. The longer you keep it up the worse it seems to get too. Its best to just not bother with it learn to find a better way to occupy your time etc..
the list of reasons to have a drink go on and on and on. for people like us we just have to realize that it just does not end well for us and will never work out how we expect. The longer you keep it up the worse it seems to get too. Its best to just not bother with it learn to find a better way to occupy your time etc..
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,649
Welcome to SR. I love it here. Your post I could really relate to. It is kind of funny, I have noticed that no one cares what I drink. They order wine, I order water with lemon. I don't drink. No one questions that. Dr. Phil from tv says he and his wife Robin have never drank. He just does not drink. I like that. I also like that no one cares what I do. Some people that I used to drink with, I offer, I quit drinking. Still, no one questions. I think we think more about drinking then our friends that don't have a problem. Just my thoughts.
Anyway, welcome and I know you can do this if you want. We are all here for you.
Anyway, welcome and I know you can do this if you want. We are all here for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 16
That's very comforting, Huntington. I find people who don't drink - or even better, have never drank - fascinating. I am working on being one and being around more of them!
zjw- I don't know, I have heard a lot of people around here tell stories about how they justified their drinking that would give better lawyers than me a run for their money
Imperfectly, thanks for the props. I'll call myself fashionably late
zjw- I don't know, I have heard a lot of people around here tell stories about how they justified their drinking that would give better lawyers than me a run for their money
Imperfectly, thanks for the props. I'll call myself fashionably late
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Missouri
Posts: 133
Hi Para!! I'm so glad you found this forum. It's been super helpful for me along my journey into sobriety. I think no matter how you cut it being sober in social situations is kind of strange at first. Maybe awkward is a better word? I mean you're doing something different and charting a new path. It takes some getting used to. I remember feeling pretty vulnerable at parties in the beginning. Of course I quit going to the ragers very early on, but there were times (especially around the holidays) where social functions were required - and I wanted to be there for them. I made it a point to bring my own non-alcoholic drinks and that helped. Most people didn't really notice much, some did and I would just say that I don't drink. I also had some sadness around the fact that I just can't drink when other people can and feelings of being left out. But those feelings went away pretty quickly. The first year of sobriety is the most challenging because you're going through life without filters and you don't really know what to expect. You just have to give yourself time and compassion and kindness.
Now I go to lots of crazy events - Burning Man, concerts, big parties...and I have so much fun being sober. I see things so differently now. I see how silly and scared and insecure people look when they're trashed. I see how they use chemicals as a way to separate themselves from their experiences. And I just don't want that for myself anymore. It's so much more fun (two years into the journey) being open and aware and connected. Sobriety is such a gift and it makes life infinitely more interesting.
I'm really happy you're here. I hope this is the start or a really healthy and happy life for you. xoxoxo
Now I go to lots of crazy events - Burning Man, concerts, big parties...and I have so much fun being sober. I see things so differently now. I see how silly and scared and insecure people look when they're trashed. I see how they use chemicals as a way to separate themselves from their experiences. And I just don't want that for myself anymore. It's so much more fun (two years into the journey) being open and aware and connected. Sobriety is such a gift and it makes life infinitely more interesting.
I'm really happy you're here. I hope this is the start or a really healthy and happy life for you. xoxoxo
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 16
Thanks kc! That's so great to hear that you do lots of fun things sober and find them even better. As to how scared/insecure people are when trashed I remember one night last summer going out with a good friend of mine and her friend/neighbor joined us. Friend/neighbor has a good job, beautiful house, nice husband, etc but they make their whole lives about drinking. And that's all she wanted to talk about- setting up a drinking weekend in a nearby city for her husband's 30th birthday, going to Punta Cana next year for one of those all inclusive resorts (all the drinks you want, all day and every day!) and how she hates her job, but doesn't know how she would make enough to pay for her lifestyle otherwise. At the end of the night it became a long sob about how she can't understand why she's anxious and has to take Xanax all the time. I felt sorry for her... but also really bored.
For now, daytime events seem to be a good way for me to socialize without feeling drinking pressure. Yesterday I did yoga with a friend, and as a nice surprise I feel way less sore today than I used to. Nope, yoga does not "cancel out" a bottle of wine afterwards, imagine that!
For now, daytime events seem to be a good way for me to socialize without feeling drinking pressure. Yesterday I did yoga with a friend, and as a nice surprise I feel way less sore today than I used to. Nope, yoga does not "cancel out" a bottle of wine afterwards, imagine that!
Pure Radio Rental
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Off course, of course.
Posts: 952
Welcome to SR. Lots of great people here who will inspire you to a much better life.
I have yet to see a post from anyone saying they have freed themselves from alcohol and their lives have gotten worse.
Good luck in your path to "bossdom"!
D.D.
I have yet to see a post from anyone saying they have freed themselves from alcohol and their lives have gotten worse.
Good luck in your path to "bossdom"!
D.D.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 110
All I can say is I relate. I'm just passed 3 weeks after a 6 month sober stint last year. I also didnt drink as much as some, never got a dui or in any trouble or lost a job but my drinking was definitely effecting my job and my marriage. Welcome and good luck. You'll find lots of great support here like i have
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