Fear of being alone.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 37
Fear of being alone.
Hello all. I just hit my three year mark yesterday. I am unbelievably grateful for this. I can't tell you in words how much better my life is right now.
However, I'm in a bit of a situation here. I've been in a long distance relationship for a little over four years now. I love my girl with all of my heart but my greatest fears are coming true. We are not communicating as well as we used to. We are only seeing each other once a month now. When I am there, everything is great. She tells me she loves me and I feel it in my heart. However, when we are away, the phone calls feel different. The emails and text messages are good too. However, I feel a loss. It's not how it used to be.
My question is, how do you guys deal with the fear of being alone? I pray but, it doesn't seem to be working. I'm a member of AA, pretty active, but honestly, I need to be more active. I'm no longer on that pink cloud I was for the first two years. If I'm honest, I fell off that cloud around July, when I noticed a difference in my relationship with my girl.
I'm at another turning point. It's different as, I have no desire to pick up a drink. However, this turning point feels just as dreadful right before I quit drinking.
Please, give me some words of wisdom folks. I really need all the help I can get.
SC
However, I'm in a bit of a situation here. I've been in a long distance relationship for a little over four years now. I love my girl with all of my heart but my greatest fears are coming true. We are not communicating as well as we used to. We are only seeing each other once a month now. When I am there, everything is great. She tells me she loves me and I feel it in my heart. However, when we are away, the phone calls feel different. The emails and text messages are good too. However, I feel a loss. It's not how it used to be.
My question is, how do you guys deal with the fear of being alone? I pray but, it doesn't seem to be working. I'm a member of AA, pretty active, but honestly, I need to be more active. I'm no longer on that pink cloud I was for the first two years. If I'm honest, I fell off that cloud around July, when I noticed a difference in my relationship with my girl.
I'm at another turning point. It's different as, I have no desire to pick up a drink. However, this turning point feels just as dreadful right before I quit drinking.
Please, give me some words of wisdom folks. I really need all the help I can get.
SC
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 557
Being alone is one of my biggest fears. Ironically, I deal with it by isolating, which is the worst thing! I'm actually struggling with it right now. I'm coming to realize that God will help me through it, but that doesn't mean I won't be alone at times. I have to get to a point where I can accept that and be happy enough with myself that I can be alone. That's really difficult, and it's not going to happen overnight. I tend to get impatient with God. I also foresee that the issue will continue to come up, since eventually I will probably be alone. My husband is significantly older than me and my siblings and I are not close, so the loneliness of old age is terrifying to me. But being fearful is just me not trusting God (especially since I'm only 30 and it's really not an issue right now!).
I don't have any experience with long distance relationships myself, but four years seems like an awfully long time. I don't know if I personally could commit to something like that indefinitely. Is there an end to the distance aspect somewhere in sight? Have you tried talking to her about how you're feeling? I know I blow things out of proportion in my own head a lot, but once I talk to my husband I usually find my fears were exaggerated.
And congrats on the three years!
I don't have any experience with long distance relationships myself, but four years seems like an awfully long time. I don't know if I personally could commit to something like that indefinitely. Is there an end to the distance aspect somewhere in sight? Have you tried talking to her about how you're feeling? I know I blow things out of proportion in my own head a lot, but once I talk to my husband I usually find my fears were exaggerated.
And congrats on the three years!
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
You can make friends through hobbies or classes or something. I have had many lonley interludes during recovery, but it was better than the hell of being in the drunk cycle. Talk to your girl and see if you can get to the bottom of things too. xxxxx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
wish i had advice but going to be coming up on my 3 years in june so eager to read what people say. as pertains to your pink cloud first couple years especially.
I'd imagine the whole i quit drinking starts to loose its luster over time? its still a big deal to me i'm still proud of myself i still work hard at it but i geuss sooner or later the game gets easy second nature its a non issue then what?
I'd imagine the whole i quit drinking starts to loose its luster over time? its still a big deal to me i'm still proud of myself i still work hard at it but i geuss sooner or later the game gets easy second nature its a non issue then what?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
as far as being alone goes i've made a couple firends on this board and we talk regularly. i've lost almost all my friends gained one back. i've been pretty stinken alone a lot in the last year or so. sometimes it was just well sad. its a tough pill when you got no close friends to talk too. One came back for me so thats been a nice twist. but I was starting to do ok just coping with it. I was undestanding that people who walked in my life wouldnt be able to relate to me becuase they just didnt know me and i gave them this benefit of the doubt and was oddly doing ok with just not having anyone around.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by Gal220 
Being alone is one of my biggest fears. Ironically, I deal with it by isolating, which is the worst thing! I'm actually struggling with it right now. I'm coming to realize that God will help me through it, but that doesn't mean I won't be alone at times. I have to get to a point where I can accept that and be happy enough with myself that I can be alone. That's really difficult, and it's not going to happen overnight. I tend to get impatient with God. I also foresee that the issue will continue to come up, since eventually I will probably be alone. My husband is significantly older than me and my siblings and I are not close, so the loneliness of old age is terrifying to me. But being fearful is just me not trusting God (especially since I'm only 30 and it's really not an issue right now!).
I don't have any experience with long distance relationships myself, but four years seems like an awfully long time. I don't know if I personally could commit to something like that indefinitely. Is there an end to the distance aspect somewhere in sight? Have you tried talking to her about how you're feeling? I know I blow things out of proportion in my own head a lot, but once I talk to my husband I usually find my fears were exaggerated.
And congrats on the three years!
I don't have any experience with long distance relationships myself, but four years seems like an awfully long time. I don't know if I personally could commit to something like that indefinitely. Is there an end to the distance aspect somewhere in sight? Have you tried talking to her about how you're feeling? I know I blow things out of proportion in my own head a lot, but once I talk to my husband I usually find my fears were exaggerated.
And congrats on the three years!
She seems to think I blow things out of proportion. Well, I do. It's one of my character defects I guess. I'm just afraid she is eventually going to leave me. It doesn't make any sense. I'm very good to her.
There is an end game. I'm hopeful a job opportunity will show up in the next few weeks that will eventually allow me to move up there. However, if this falls through, I fear the relationship is over.
I plan on hitting my second meeting of the day. I'm meeting my sponsor before hand, who is also having some relationship issues as well.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Four years is a very long time in a LDR, and some of us simply cannot or will not stay that long. It's just human nature that the time and distance apart is no longer feasible or rewarding at some point. Being in a LDR is a relatively recent event in human history, and I don't know that there are any experts.
It's both healthy and responsible for each of you to ask what it is you want from your lives, and then set about the business of accomplishing your goals.
It's both healthy and responsible for each of you to ask what it is you want from your lives, and then set about the business of accomplishing your goals.
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