AA Moving on
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Seattle, Washington
Posts: 51
Jdooner:
I am new to recovery also and my "sponsor" turned out to have significant psychological problems and turn out to be more of a stalker than sponsor. Today was my first meeting after having to dump her. I was shunned and followed to my car and told that since I am rejecting the program I will probably drink then die beginning today.
I love the idea of the fellowship. I really do and I believe the program works. I just do not know if it is going to work for me. Too many unspoken rules, etc. I get where you are coming from and will now look to rationale recovery. Maybe that is my answer because AA is making me more hopeless.
Thank you so much for this post.
I am new to recovery also and my "sponsor" turned out to have significant psychological problems and turn out to be more of a stalker than sponsor. Today was my first meeting after having to dump her. I was shunned and followed to my car and told that since I am rejecting the program I will probably drink then die beginning today.
I love the idea of the fellowship. I really do and I believe the program works. I just do not know if it is going to work for me. Too many unspoken rules, etc. I get where you are coming from and will now look to rationale recovery. Maybe that is my answer because AA is making me more hopeless.
Thank you so much for this post.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I was shunned and followed to my car and told that since I am rejecting the program I will probably drink then die beginning today.
Who told you that? The people at the meeting? You did not reject the program, you got rid of a micromanaging stalker with serious codependency issues.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Originally Posted by LegallyBrunette 
Jdooner:
I am new to recovery also and my "sponsor" turned out to have significant psychological problems and turn out to be more of a stalker than sponsor. Today was my first meeting after having to dump her. I was shunned and followed to my car and told that since I am rejecting the program I will probably drink then die beginning today.
I love the idea of the fellowship. I really do and I believe the program works. I just do not know if it is going to work for me. Too many unspoken rules, etc. I get where you are coming from and will now look to rationale recovery. Maybe that is my answer because AA is making me more hopeless.
Thank you so much for this post.
I am new to recovery also and my "sponsor" turned out to have significant psychological problems and turn out to be more of a stalker than sponsor. Today was my first meeting after having to dump her. I was shunned and followed to my car and told that since I am rejecting the program I will probably drink then die beginning today.
I love the idea of the fellowship. I really do and I believe the program works. I just do not know if it is going to work for me. Too many unspoken rules, etc. I get where you are coming from and will now look to rationale recovery. Maybe that is my answer because AA is making me more hopeless.
Thank you so much for this post.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I get where you are coming from and will now look to rationale recovery. Maybe that is my answer because AA is making me more hopeless.
One thing you might also want to look into is Women For Sobriety. There is a group which meet on Wednesday night on Capitol Hill. They have a good program which I think would be more suited to you.
Unfortunately I cannot attend because of my schedule
If you want to check them out, here is a link to their site (they also have a forum) Women for Sobriety, Inc.
If you are interested in attending their weekly meeting, pm me and I will give you the info.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Seattle, Washington
Posts: 51
Here is what I noticed. Regardless of how bizarre or dysfunctional you are in your interpersonal interactions you get a lot of respect. So upon learning I reported her (all in a 24 hour span mind you) she was able to talk to 3 to 4 of the old timers and get them to intermediate. Their hostility was apparent so the normal people also felt uncomfortable interacting with me. Which btw is totally fine. Not everyone fits in, in every situation.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Originally Posted by Carlotta
I think you should. Based on your posts and what seems to be your background and personality, it looks like one way or another, AA will be a disaster for you.
One thing you might also want to look into is Women For Sobriety. There is a group which meet on Wednesday night on Capitol Hill. They have a good program which I think would be more suited to you.
Unfortunately I cannot attend because of my schedule
If you want to check them out, here is a link to their site (they also have a forum) Women for Sobriety, Inc.
If you are interested in attending their weekly meeting, pm me and I will give you the info.
One thing you might also want to look into is Women For Sobriety. There is a group which meet on Wednesday night on Capitol Hill. They have a good program which I think would be more suited to you.
Unfortunately I cannot attend because of my schedule
If you want to check them out, here is a link to their site (they also have a forum) Women for Sobriety, Inc.
If you are interested in attending their weekly meeting, pm me and I will give you the info.
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Originally Posted by readerbaby71
I absolutely love Women for Sobriety. It pretty much saved my life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by LegallyBrunette
Here is what I noticed. Regardless of how bizarre or dysfunctional you are in your interpersonal interactions you get a lot of respect. So upon learning I reported her (all in a 24 hour span mind you) she was able to talk to 3 to 4 of the old timers and get them to intermediate. Their hostility was apparent so the normal people also felt uncomfortable interacting with me. Which btw is totally fine. Not everyone fits in, in every situation.
It sounds like you are in an awful situation and my advice whatever you do is to either find another meeting or support group.
I wish you the best - nobody deserves to be stalked or belittled.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Originally Posted by jazzfish
I heard a men's version was being worked on, but I haven't heard anything. Anyone know?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 765
As you eventually got around to stating yourself in this thread, this is probably more about your fear of breaking up with your sponsor than it is about leaving AA, and the rejection towards you you fear could result if you did that.
I hear a fear of being bullied by a clique. I identify.
We alcoholics are very sensitive to things like that because we want to fit in ourselves.
At some point we have to stop running and face out fears. We have to be honest. We have to trust God.
I had no real tools before I went through the 12 Steps but I learned I could ask God for courage, speak up while being respectful and calm, and thank the person for being in your life for the period of time they were and now you are going to do your own thing in AA, and you'd like to remain his friend if possible.
The "if possible" part will depend on no one gossiping about each other.
It could work our fine, yet you want to risk your life by just leaving instead? What about the women and children who depend on you? What about yourself? What's more importan, your life getting better or potentially being faced with the prospect of a little gossip for a while?
These fears have to be faced eventually and what better place than AA to do it?
Your sponsor has done the best he can. Maybe it's time for you to allow God to bring you someone who can help you a little more now.
And someday when you've gone through the 12 steps you just might be the sponsor you always wanted.
I hear a fear of being bullied by a clique. I identify.
We alcoholics are very sensitive to things like that because we want to fit in ourselves.
At some point we have to stop running and face out fears. We have to be honest. We have to trust God.
I had no real tools before I went through the 12 Steps but I learned I could ask God for courage, speak up while being respectful and calm, and thank the person for being in your life for the period of time they were and now you are going to do your own thing in AA, and you'd like to remain his friend if possible.
The "if possible" part will depend on no one gossiping about each other.
It could work our fine, yet you want to risk your life by just leaving instead? What about the women and children who depend on you? What about yourself? What's more importan, your life getting better or potentially being faced with the prospect of a little gossip for a while?
These fears have to be faced eventually and what better place than AA to do it?
Your sponsor has done the best he can. Maybe it's time for you to allow God to bring you someone who can help you a little more now.
And someday when you've gone through the 12 steps you just might be the sponsor you always wanted.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by BuildWithMe
As you eventually got around to stating yourself in this thread, this is probably more about your fear of breaking up with your sponsor than it is about leaving AA, and the rejection towards you you fear could result if you did that.
I hear a fear of being bullied by a clique. I identify.
We alcoholics are very sensitive to things like that because we want to fit in ourselves.
At some point we have to stop running and face out fears. We have to be honest. We have to trust God.
I had no real tools before I went through the 12 Steps but I learned I could ask God for courage, speak up while being respectful and calm, and thank the person for being in your life for the period of time they were and now you are going to do your own thing in AA, and you'd like to remain his friend if possible.
The "if possible" part will depend on no one gossiping about each other.
It could work our fine, yet you want to risk your life by just leaving instead? What about the women and children who depend on you? What about yourself? What's more importan, your life getting better or potentially being faced with the prospect of a little gossip for a while?
These fears have to be faced eventually and what better place than AA to do it?
Your sponsor has done the best he can. Maybe it's time for you to allow God to bring you someone who can help you a little more now.
And someday when you've gone through the 12 steps you just might be the sponsor you always wanted.
I hear a fear of being bullied by a clique. I identify.
We alcoholics are very sensitive to things like that because we want to fit in ourselves.
At some point we have to stop running and face out fears. We have to be honest. We have to trust God.
I had no real tools before I went through the 12 Steps but I learned I could ask God for courage, speak up while being respectful and calm, and thank the person for being in your life for the period of time they were and now you are going to do your own thing in AA, and you'd like to remain his friend if possible.
The "if possible" part will depend on no one gossiping about each other.
It could work our fine, yet you want to risk your life by just leaving instead? What about the women and children who depend on you? What about yourself? What's more importan, your life getting better or potentially being faced with the prospect of a little gossip for a while?
These fears have to be faced eventually and what better place than AA to do it?
Your sponsor has done the best he can. Maybe it's time for you to allow God to bring you someone who can help you a little more now.
And someday when you've gone through the 12 steps you just might be the sponsor you always wanted.
Fear is a powerful motivator but not as powerful as empowerment and self confidence. You and I differ in our basic beliefs, no disrespect intended. I do not believe I need God or Jesus to fix my flaws. I believe I have the tools within me but have not known how to use them. I have become spiritual but not religious and again based on your post, while I assume the intentions are genuine you are not spreading the proper AA message. Where does AA preach God? Is it not supposed to be a higher power of your choice? Once again I have to rationalize your post as people not the program. For four months I have been making excuses for the shortcomings of AA's messengers.
I guess in the most polite way I have simply had enough!
If RR and RET combined with my weekly therapy are so weak that I relapse and die I will have my wife update everyone on this site so nobody else follows me off the same cliff.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by jdooner
Fear is a powerful motivator but not as powerful as empowerment and self confidence. You and I differ in our basic beliefs, no disrespect intended. I do not believe I need God or Jesus to fix my flaws. I believe I have the tools within me but have not known how to use them. I have become spiritual but not religious and again based on your post, while I assume the intentions are genuine you are not spreading the proper AA message. Where does AA preach God? Is it not supposed to be a higher power of your choice? Once again I have to rationalize your post as people not the program. For four months I have been making excuses for the shortcomings of AA's messengers.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Ok, I don't do much Big Book thumping as a rule but here it is from the Big Book.
Chapter 7: Working With Others (Page 95)
The big book does not tell us to use scare tactics and tell people that if they leave AA they will relapse and die! That's fear mongering and not very conducive to recovery (and not very friendly either).
Chapter 7: Working With Others (Page 95)
"If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or
prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him
to follow his own conscience. We have no monopoly
on God; we merely have an approach that worked
with us. But point out that we alcoholics have much
in common and that you would like, in any case, to
be friendly. Let it go at that."
prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him
to follow his own conscience. We have no monopoly
on God; we merely have an approach that worked
with us. But point out that we alcoholics have much
in common and that you would like, in any case, to
be friendly. Let it go at that."
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,007
Good post, JD. I am debating the same thing after 4 months. Though I havent quite completed step 4. I might complete 4 and 5 before stopping. Still debating that. Iam getting much more out of Buddhism and meditation. It seems to go a lot deeper than AA in terms of insight but then thats a given since AA only looks at alcoholism. A great institution, AA, it saved me but after hundreds of meetings, I am debating whether to taper down.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by Kaneda8888
Good post, JD. I am debating the same thing after 4 months. Though I havent quite completed step 4. I might complete 4 and 5 before stopping. Still debating that. Iam getting much more out of Buddhism and meditation. It seems to go a lot deeper than AA in terms of insight but then thats a given since AA only looks at alcoholism. A great institution, AA, it saved me but after hundreds of meetings, I am debating whether to taper down.
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