peacelovesober

Its been 14 months that I am sober. It was so hard at first but it has gotten easier for me since I have put things in my life that help me stay sober.

The hardest part of this day has been knowing that I am starting 2014 with a spouse who is still using (drugs/alcohol) . It's scary to know that if things don't get better my life will change dramatically . So today I am praying for wisdom to know what to do. I want to help my husband learn about sobriety but I want to be sober more.

just for today

CactusJill

Hi Peace-

I am in the same position you are. I have been in and out of recovery for 10 years. I had quite a bit of time put together but I started drinking again in part to combat stress and in part to "fit in" with my husband, who kicked cocaine 6 years ago but who still actively drinks. Needless to say, I quit again. I need to be sober.

Have you checked out Al-Anon yet? That can be a very helpful resource for you. It helped me realize that I can't control him or his drinking and that I can only change myself.

Good luck and congratulations on 14 months! You are not alone.

neferkamichael

Peacelovesober, staying sober with actively using spouse? You are FANTASTIC, congratulations. Rootin for ya.

KateL

You are doing so well. Your spouse will only be helped if he is willing. Take care of yourself first. I was in a similar situation and had to put myself and the children first. xxxx

foodie1

I feel for you peace, this is not an easy road. My husband is a heavy drinker too and it's caused a lot of strife in our household. I've also gotten lots of recommendations for Al-Anon, hardly any meetings in my area though, so I've started listening to Al-Anon podcasts, excellent stuff!

My sponsor always reminds me that I have two choices: to accept the situation as it is (which does not mean I have to like it, just that I fully accept it) or to remove myself from the situation. I'm knee-deep in the middle of deciding right now...

All the best to you!!

Klp9999

One year for me. My husband is a heavy drinker it's worrisome, I worry about his health the amount of money he spends on alcohol and I worry I will be a widow one day soon.

DoPerdition

That is amazing that you have found the strength to stop when someone you are around all the time is using. My hat is off to you.

I don't know if anyone agrees with me, but you might try taking your issues to an al anon meeting or even an AA meeting. People there will have similar experience and will be able to help you establish boundaries that make sobriety a little easier.

Good luck!

SoberChristmas

I wondered how this would work for me as well. My husband drinks. Sometimes he binge drinks, other times it's just a couple of drinks. So far it hasn't made me want to drink. After I decided to sober up, he felt the need to "show me what it feels like" and got WASTED...Needless to say, I thought it sucked and realized what I had been doing to him these past months. Then last night he brought home some gin...I have never touched the stuff...and proceeded to get torn up again...I want to talk to him to find out what made him do this...is he still trying to teach me a lesson?

SoberChristmas

SO I just asked my spouse to not drink...He says ok, and I believe him. I told him at this stage in MY recovery it wasn't helpful to ME...He said he thought about that today...I hope he is really telling the truth. Him drinking didn't make me want a drink, but it seems to force more of a wedge between us due to my resentment that he wouldn't do this with me out of support. Don't get me wrong, I am not asking all my friends and family not to drink, that would be absurd. But, I think that my closest support person could at least go down this journey with me until I get my feet planted as firmly as I would like!

peacelovesober

Wow. what an amazing response. Al anon probably is a good option but I have not ever been. I'm still trying to work out getting my licence back from my drinking days and getting my husband to take me anywhere is nearly impossible. I went to aa before but in another town and I really don't have a support group here but I will. That's why I am here and it looks like a great place.

You know I have been so blessed that I have not wanted to drink. What really bothers me is that I now see that I have to stay strong and possibly move on because it's not just alcohol but drugs and all the issues like lying stealing ect that accompany. I just wish he would see that sobriety would be so much better but only that can happen if he wants it.

All I can do today is know that I can only control me. I did not create his problem and I can't fix it.

God leads me in the path needed. Of that I'm sure.

Peace

peacelovesober

can anyone tell me if this quick reply notifies all in the thread. I really enjoyed all the replies and hope everyone can see my response.

LSC1

My hubby drinks heavily as well. I have been sober for 16months.

His drinking affects our relationship in a variety of ways. I am worried about his long term health. He is now over 50.

Our relationship is far from great. But I am not rushing into any decision about our future is concerned. We have 2 young kids.

Your not alone.

Everyone would have read your reply

1newcreation

Hi ma'am
I know exactly where ure @! Sobered up then yr later was tellin now ex still AW the benefits of aa; then realised was promoting rather than attracting. So I kept away from her as much as I could coz can't stand the smell of beer @ all. Liqour maybe..loh But let him c that it works w/ you & don't loose you're peace/serenity coz he doesn't seem to "get it"
Best wishes in ny

Branches

Oh, yeah. My hubby was on me about my drinking, and I'm not saying this to downplay my drinking by saying "only," because it was not healthy, but I'd have three glasses of wine a night, wouldn't drive when drinking, didn't pick fights with him - just read, watched TV, cooked with a wine glass in my hand.
I found this website, started reading, stopped drinking, started, stopped, started, and stopped Chritmas Day. And hubby picked Christmas week to fall of the wagon with beer and then resume pot smoking. I was dumbfounded. How do you go from ragging on your wife and your family to stop drinking/drugging, and that very same week bring home the party for yourself? How does that work? I was pissed that he couldn't be as supportive of me as I was of him when he quit drinking seven years ago, but some wise voices here told me to let it go and concentrate on my own recovery.

If my husband drank - pot is his drug of choice -I'd be in deep trouble. Congratulations to those of you who are staying sober. You rock!

someonelikeyou0

I wonder if maybe your problem and trying to help you was his way of staying sober. And once you quit, he lost the tool he was using t maintain his own sobriety.

peacelovesober

someone like you....I wish that I could say that was it. we were sober when we meet, got married, stayed sober. Then my husband tells me he smokes pot and I think that's ok no harm. Pot turns to cocaine turns to pain pills and he has not been sober in 5 years. I guess its clearer to me now because I'm not drinking but I am just tired of the never ending battle. Drugs always destroy and I don't want to see my husband destroyed. I can't stop him but I know I don't want this life. I want to be happy without drugs or alcohol and I want my husband to be too.

someonelikeyou0

This is such a difficult situation. I keep reading posts like yours and want to respond but don't know how. In one sense, you need to protect yourself, but in the other sense, you two have married each other and need each other for support. When any separation happens, it hurts everyone involved...not even just you two.

I feel for you.