NewxYork

I've been sober for 7 months now living outside of new york away from family and friends. I go to NYC soon returning back to "real life" and Im scared once I get off that plane I will relapse.
I have a voice in my head telling me I can control my drinking now, I can keep a "handle" on it but then I remember my past relapses and just falling right back in the same hole I was in.
Im healthy and thinking straight but I really do miss drinking sometimes...like a old friend I had so much fun with.
I hate to think of the past but sometimes thinking of the horrible events in the past make me say never again.
Im feeling strong and this voice keeps telling me you can just have a few like a normal person again.

Spinach

Be strong you like most can't reset the drinking amount once we start it's not one or two it's on or off.
Best of all you got yourself out of the loop which is not easy and has left you with questions you do know the answers and have all the solutions but stay here and feel supported.
Life will move on but perhaps your life will be happier and move ore smoothly without it.
Go for a year then maybe think again.
John.

excuse

I have no control, but let me let you know. After 6 months of heavy drinking my body was near seizure. What you have done for yourself is amazing.
If you want to drink think of me panicing and not able to reach the phone, unable to call for help.
If you need to contact someone please, let it be us before a bottle or a can.
You are strong. Show us we can also domthe same.

diffingo911

I'm Feeling more and more like Alcohol is an "Old Friend" that stole from Me-

It stole My Life, My Dreams, My Self-Respect, My Ambition, My Potential, etc-etc-etc

And it's Totally because I kept Listening to that little Lying, Cheating, Stealing Voice
of his...

NewxYork

Thank you all for your replies, sometimes I get the feeling between now and year Im gonna relapse anyways, why not just do it in a controlled environment I can have some kind of handle on.
I know it sounds stupid and weak, but past failures make my outlook very negative when it comes to staying sober.

bigsombrero

For what it's worth, I experienced a similar situation and perhaps I can help. I got sober out of state, and then moved back to Chicago where I'd kept my apartment. I was quite nervous to return. Rightfully so. I nearly stopped in the liquor store on the walk home from Blue Line. Once I got past that obstacle, I was back in my old apartment, alone, sitting in the same place on the couch that I always was. Next, I went to my neighborhood bar for lunch. My old friends then asked me if I wanted to join them at a bar downtown after work to discuss the fantasy football draft. Not good. I saw warning signs all over the place, so I immediately took a volunteer job in Costa Rica and got the heck out of there for 3 more months. I'd been back in Chicago for just 12 days.

Upon my next return to the big city, things were easier. I knew I had to either get new friends or just be alone for a while. No more "old lifestyle". No, I couldn't meet up with my buddies at the bar and just drink Pepsi. No, I couldn't attend the St. Patty's Day parade and drink Sprite. That stuff was gone, all of it.

I'd suggest you view this as a new beginning. A fresh start, from top to bottom. You should avoid most of the activities you used to do - even if you don't drink alcohol at those events. Start living differently. See the city as a newcomer. It's the beginning of the year, a good time to do that. NYC is a great place...find a new "comfort zone" and way of life there. Good luck.

KateL

Well done. It really does get better xxxx

zjw

yeah but your not a failure so what if you fell down people always fall down just get back up dust yourself off and try again which your doing now. Its ok to make mistakes. But you cant sit around and justify a relapse either IE oh i'm a failure ill screw up again or its ok i'll have a few and sober up tommorrow etc... those arent mistakes those are excuses to drink.

it is tough we tend ot have this fantasy in our heads of what drinking life was like. i watched a documentary about an alcoholic jsut last night. guy was pi$$ drunk puking in pots fighting the shakes total mess. I remember when i was like that and you know that voice in my head was like those where the days just get up get pi$$ drunk puke crash and do it all over again it was awesome the voice says. And you know in my dillusional thought process watching this poor slob who was once me i thought oh yea those where the days I should go get some boooze! And i thought at the same time WTF am i thinking!!! i must be NUTS! to think that was a good time cause it wasnt it was awful. VERY VERY rarely was it even remotely fun. Oh yeah you start off the evening get a few drinks in ya life is great then its down the $hitter each and every time after that.

so why relapse whats the point? go through that hell again? oh yeah sure it'll start off $hits and giggles but it ends the same every time for us.

Spinach

ZJW Sadly very precisely put, straight down the pan.
John

EndGameNYC

Where were you living before moving back?

waynetheking

For me relapse is not an option anymore. Chances are im not going to make back here. You have 7 months. Has your life improved? Will drinking again make it better? You already know the answers. Just surrender to sobriety. If your like the rest of us, drinking is a sure fire dead end street. Hang in there ny.