jraecooper

The first year of my recovery there were very few times of even wanting to use. The last two months have been the hardest. I am doing everything the program suggests. More active in AA than I ever have been. But I feel uncomfortable. The joys in life seem to have disappeared. I don't want to drink to prove that I may not be an alcoholic, because I know that I am. I want to drink to change the way I feel. The loneliness that surrounds me is becoming unbearable. I turn to God. But I am becoming exhausted. I know that faith means being patient through the unknown. I don't know how to put this into words. I feel trapped. I would appreciate any advice.

waynetheking

Get busy. Take action. Do not dwell on this. Exercise. Call your sponsor. Ride a bike. Do anything but sit around and get bored. Ur av will taunt you. U know u cant drink, thats a dead end. Right? So take massive amounts of action to get ur mind off this bs. Hang in there. It will get better as long as you don't drink. If u try to change the way u feel by drinking then the only thing ur gonna change is ur chances of surviving with alcoholism. Think about it. Ur life is at stake here. Stay sober my friend.

AA4life

What you described sounded a lot like depression to me. I am not in medicine for a living but I would look into ways to treat depression and anxiety. Sorry to hear you feel this way. I feel like this sometime too since I have been sober. Luckily for me, these feelings pass with time.

For depression I take SSRIs. They help a lot. They might help you. Or, you might find another way to deal with it. But definitely look into depression and anxiety if you haven't already.

sugarbear1

have you worked 12 of those steps? they changed my perspective!

dybehfar

Hi there. I read your post and your feelings are similar to mine. "The joys in life have disappeared". I really can relate.

The best I can say to you for now, is you are not alone. There is some solace in that for both you and myself.

Dee74

Welcome jrae - you'll find a lot of support here

D

oak

Welcome to Soberrecovery! There is lots of support here. I hope you feel better very soon.

Therapy might help. Or medication, if you are depressed. Or exercise, or whatever brings you some joy. (I am sure that drinking won't help in the long run.)

I've been depressed lately. I've been trying to focus on doing things that help a little - rather than thinking I need to feel totally okay right now. Small steps.

I am sure that you will find whatever works for you.

PurpleLotus

Hi Jrae,

I feel like your post could have been written by me. I have been drinking for years to try to numb out the pain of several horrible things that happened years ago, but I never dealt with them or stuck with therapy. The things that continued to happen while drinking were pretty bad (2 DUI's, weekend jail, thank goodness I never hurt anyone else! and strained relationships). For the past 6 months it's been hard to get out of bed. I made an appt. with a psychiatrist in about a week to discuss getting on something to treat the biology of the massive depression so hopefully I can get to a functioning place where I can not use alcohol to numb out (alcohol is a depressant!) and begin the work on healing myself with someone. There has got to be a way to get to a better place! Posting here helps as a tool too.

winifred

After my 3rd day of not drinking I went to my family doctor and I could not control my crying, I told him I really needed something for my anxiety that I was sick and tired of using alcohol which actually made it worst. I do take an antianxiety med daily and my anxiety and panic attacks are under control. I've actually been able to focus on tasks that I hadn't touched in a very long time. I am feeling good here. I hope you feel better too!!

TigerLili

I think it's normal for moods to fluctuate, even in long term sobriety. We're human beings and sometiems we feel good and sometimes we feel bad. Chances are if you keep taking positive actions you'll start feeling better again. Having a good AA programme doesn't mean you're immune to the ebb and flow of normal human emotions. You don't get a 'Happy all the time' card just because you're working the Steps. Feeling bad doesn't mean somethng is wrong or you're not doing it right. It's just part of being human.

Maybe you're feeling a bit down, maybe you're depressed, or somewhere between the two extremes. It never hurts to talk to a doctor about it.

GracieLou

I have been told and I find it to be true that when we feel uncomfortable that usually means we are doing something right.

I honestly did not know how I should be feeling. I have found when I let go of how I think I should be feeling or reacting, let go of the control, I felt more at ease.

Faith without works is dead. Action is the key here. When I take more action the unknown does not pray on my mind as much. I am NOT a patient person by any means. I want what I want and I want it now!. The more active I got the less it felt as if I was waiting for something.

KateL

Welcome Jrae. I wholeheartedly agree with Tigerlili's post xxxx

ImperfectlyMe

Firstly welcome
I completely get where you are coming from. Almost all of my drinking stemmed from loneliness. It was the ONLY quick fix I had to make me feel less of an island. It took years to slowly create that sick association and I'm sure its going to take years to undo it. Apathy is a struggle... The joy will come back it always does. Sometimes we have to go through these dark days to better enjoy the sunshiney days!

IOAA2

Hi. This sounded off the wall to me when I heard about it years ago but we may not be getting enough beneficial light during this season of winter in the northern hemisphere. I've read good reports regarding light substitutes helping depression. It probably costs less than a trip to the therapist.

BE WELL

karate

I know I feel a bit down in winter myself .

You might try "Feeling good " by Burns