What is normal?

Old 12-25-2013, 07:05 PM
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What is normal?

I started thinking this question midway through my last post, and I thought the old timers here might be able to answer it.

What does normal feel like?

I drank so much for so long that any illness to me was just another hangover. Get a cold? You must be hungover. Have a couple drinks and you'll feel fine again. Those drinks don't do the trick? Well hell, have another few. I'm starting to think there is no normal. Everyone has aches and pains some days. Everyone misreads other peoples signals. I was just in that twilight between still being drunk from the night before and that first drink of tonight, so maybe I never noticed the sore knees, or that maybe I had overreacted to something. I couldn't feel my knees, and dammit, if I was pissed at you, you deserved it.

To me, that was normal. No feeling and justified in my anger.

To me now, normal is aches and pains some days, and thinking about what leads up to my actions.

Is either one really normal?

Sorry for the rambling, it's been a long(but overall good) day. Merry Christmas.

If it weren't for this website and you guys, I would be dead or in jail, so for that I'm thankful.
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Old 12-25-2013, 08:03 PM
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Wow. I was a little out there trying to put that into words. Let me try it again.

What is a "normal" feeling for everyone out there? Is it normal after you quit drinking to feel new aches and pains? Is it normal to over analyze your every interaction with others?

Or is it normal to just go about your day without worrying about what will happen.

I cycle through each of these "normals" almost every day still. From thankful each morning, to fearful, to anxious, back to thankful at each days end that I made it through another day without a drink.

The desire to drink is gone, but I wonder how I'm supposed to feel?
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Old 12-25-2013, 08:59 PM
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Thankful, fearful, anxious, and back to thankful are normal feelings to experience on a frequent basis. I would offer to keep moving forward through these emotional cycles as they won't feel as poignant all of the time the longer you are sober
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Old 12-25-2013, 09:17 PM
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I think trying to find normal is early recovery is a little bit futile. I remember I was 100 different people, 100 different moods every day.

Have patience, keep working on yourself and your recovery and you'll find a'll know 'normal' then - or at least what it is for you

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Old 12-25-2013, 09:52 PM
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In my opinion, there is no "normal". There is only what is "normal" to you.
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Old 12-25-2013, 10:20 PM
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I don't think there is such a thing as "normal" for a person but there is healthy.
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Old 12-25-2013, 10:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Sanantoniosober View Post

What does normal feel like?
The recognition that no matter what happens - "This to shall pass".

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Old 12-26-2013, 12:14 AM
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For the aches and pains I can tell you that my answer was to drink more. I used alcohol for all pain including the physical kind.

I recently had a bad toothache and going to the bottle was what I used to do to alleviate that type of pain. In the past I would have drank, today I went to the dentist, got some antibiotics and took some Aleve. I think that is what normal people do.

I don't think I will ever feel or be normal when it comes to how I look at alcohol and I hope it remains that way. I cannot drink. I am an alcoholic. I am not normal when it comes to alcohol. I have accepted it and I no longer obsess about it as it once did.

That said, I am not normal, but I am not alone. There are many other alcoholics out there that are just like me. Some worse than me and some have gotten off the train before they got as bad as me. No matter, we share that common bond of alcoholism.

I think your one statement rings true for me. "just go about your day without worrying about what will happen". For the most part, I cannot control what happens. What will be, will be. If I remove what I want to happen or how I want others to behave or react then life for me is much simpler. I was the one complicating it, not others.

As to how you are suppose to feel? It seems to me as you cycle through your day, the feelings you get are being questioned. In some ways, that is a form of control. "I feel sad, Is that normal, should I feel happy". For me, there is no "should". If I am sad, I am sad. I take that and ask why I am sad, fearful, resentful, happy etc and then deal with them, not try to replace them as I once used booze to replace my feelings so I did not have to deal with them.

It is hard to deal with our emotions, especially at the beginning. I was not comfortable doing that. I wanted to escape them, not face them.

Hang in there. It does get better. Take it one day at a time.
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Old 12-26-2013, 01:34 AM
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Things definitely improve immeasurably over time. But I still have aches, pains and bad days. Now I just ride through it because I know it will pass and something nice will happen. I think that is normal - in my life anyway xxx
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Old 12-26-2013, 06:16 AM
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Sorry to sound gross, but this relates to the pains your mentionned.

Last nigh I had an indigestion. Puked my dinner. First time in 20 years I puke and not think It's Alcohol related. It was really weird, I felt awfully sick. When I was drunk I was sick sometimes but almost didn't care or something.

Weird, really weird to actually feel sickness.
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Old 12-26-2013, 06:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Sanantoniosober View Post

To me now, normal is aches and pains some days, and thinking about what leads up to my actions.
seems that after we sober up
we are more in tune with our aches and pains
they are not numbed away with the drink or drug

yes - making good decisions today is of the most importance

it's a good thing that you are
"thinking about what leads up to my actions"
much can be destroyed by one bad decision

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Old 12-26-2013, 07:12 AM
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I deal with Normal a lot better ,without a hangover and depression .

Emotions are part of life , Poison does not cure problems .

Unless you need to kill Rats in a hay barn
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Old 12-26-2013, 07:18 AM
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"What does normal feel like?"
welp, it is a setting on a washing machine. when the washing machine is set to normal, it then agitates.

I prefer sane, which includes workin on changing my thinkin.
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Old 12-26-2013, 07:21 AM
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Hi Sanantoniosober

Not an old timer here but 1 day away from 7 months and feeling somewhat pretty much "my" normal. I think Raider put it best in that normal is going to be different for everybody. Dee's post about being 100 different people with 100 different moods in the beginning also rings so true.

It only makes sense that when you allow yourself to come out of the fog that everything you feel is going to appear pronounced. Aches, pains, feelings, the whole gamut. Did you ever have a head cold for a while and one morning you wake up and yawn and your ears pop? For a short period of time it feels like you have superhuman hearing capabilities. It's not that your ability to hear has been increased by any means. It's just that the cold hindered you from hearing at the normal level and all of a sudden you get it back all at once. Sobriety is the same. Because you haven't allowed yourself to feel things for a while now, since you now do, everything is going to feel multiplied and exaggerated. Then, just like the hearing situation clearing up after a cold it all levels off and it's just the norm.

People who never had a drinking problem have aches and pains, get sad, angry, and depressed. They just deal with everything differently than we do. We hid from it for so long that it's a little overwhelming when we allow ourselves to deal with it head on.

Thinking about what leads up to your actions is always a big positive.

I hope that I helped somewhat. Everything levels off, just keep doing what you're doing! Eventually, through sobriety, you'll level off and find out what your normal is.
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