My First Post
 

Hi Everyone. Like many, I've been "lurking" here a while and this is my first post. I love this site and how supportive everyone is of each other. Not sure where to start, but I definitely need to do something about my alcoholism so this seems as good a place to start as any.

I won't go into the war stories about all of the horrible things alcohol has caused in my life other to say that after the 2 DUI's a few years ago & countless embarrassing "incidents" along the way, damaged relationships, etc. etc. I'm sure any "normal" person would have taken the hint and done something about it a long time ago. Such is the hypnotic hold of my old friend. I am very fortunate to have what I still have; loving parents, a long term steady job, a roof over my head, a couple of close friends, and many other things.

What I would really also like is my self esteem back (well, it was low to begin with, who am I kidding?), the constant stress of my actions when under the influence, and basically good relationships & a good life!

I wasn't a big drinker in high school or college; I think I crossed over the line about 2001 when I was working in a restaurant/nightclub & exposed to alcohol all the time (that was 1st DUI). Because I wasn't a big partier before and pretty sheltered, I got quite wrapped up in what I thought was the "glamour" of it all. The owner of the club took me under his wing (hey, youthful pretty women are pretty good for business) so I got free drinks all the time, came into contact with people who did lots of ex & coke, and met many celebrities as the owner was well connected.

After that things ebbed & flowed over the next several years. I attempted AA in 2007 and met my ex husband, who had 2 years at the time & was fully aware I was struggling. We got married & it was a mess, of course. I would hide the booze, he would find it, get mad, repeat the cycle. It was obviously a very unhealthy situation (I can say I am much happier not being married to him anymore for multiple reasons!).

So I am familiar with the dogma of AA & how it works. I plan to find a meeting tonight to attend. I know the ones I don't want to go to that my ex may possibly be at. My 1st experience was AA was bad (I feel) because I was very co dependent on him & looked to him for approval for what I was or wasn't doing right. Very bad, I know.

If you made it all the way through my ramble, my sincere thank you. I know I need to change a lot of things in order to get better. I don't want to die, but I hate my life as it is, so I think this is that "jumping off point" the BB talks about. I have been fairly isolated the last few months aside from work and need to take some action.

Welcome, PurpleLotus - Glad to Have You here !!!

Welcome. You seem well versed and have realistic expectations going in, which is good. Keep posting and keep us in the loop.

I am not sure if you worked the steps back in 2007 but I think attending meetings vs getting a sponsor and working the steps really helps make a program stick.

Good luck.

PurpleLotus, :welcome, yes, this place is as good as any, rootin for ya. :egypt:

http://www.photographyblogger.net/wp...e679c85cee.jpg

:welcome to SR, you found a good place and you will get a lot of support here.

Welcome to SR PurpleLotus!! I was a lurker for a few years. When I finally decided to do whatever I needed to do for recovery, I clung to this site as a lifeline. Still do, as a matter of fact, and it's been over 6 years:)

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Welcome to SR! You can change your life, take it from a 14 day sober guy happy like I can't remember when. ;-)

YOU can do this, keep seeking support like you are!

Welcome aboard Purple Lotus :)
You'll find a ton of support here top help you make those life changes :)

look forward to seeing you around :)

D

Welcome PurpleLotus!!! So glad to have you join in!! :ring

Welcome, I can identify with the codependency, yearning for approval and low self esteem. I built my recovery on regaining self esteem. Good luck and stick around, it is a very helpful place xx

Welcome Purple! Jump on in.

Welcome! I'm so glad you found us.

You are very self aware & that will serve you well. Some never see what alcohol has done to them. Long after I knew it was destroying me I continued to try and manage it. Unlike you I didn't reach out for help. Bad things happened & I almost didn't survive my foolish behavior. That won't happen to you PurpleLotus. :)

AA dogma, good perspective. AA is invaluable and I'm a very active member, but I approach it like panning for gold; we shake out the junk to get what is most valuable TO EACH OF US. We certainly have our similaritiies and a need for the rooms of AA fellowship, but we are each different in our needs.

:c011:

Welcome to SR purplelotus, I hope you find the support you need here.

Hey you. You got this.

Thank you so much to every one of you who have replied to my post; it means a lot to me. I was going to say "more than you'll ever know", but that sounds hokey as I'm pretty sure all of you felt the same way when you first posted so you're fully aware.

Diffingo911, Nerferkamichael, Carlotta, Impurrfect (fellow kitty lover), Thepatman, Dee, Fourseasons, KateL, Anyistoomuch, Breat & Liboog, thank you!

Jdooner, I worked through step four and didn't get any further. I know I am not giving myself a fair chance without working all of the steps, and am prepared to do so this time. L

Hevyn, I'm not sure I agree with you. I think I waited too long as I knew I had a serious problem a few years ago. But my constant anxiety, depression, and PTSD from not effectively dealing with several issues in my past kept making me want to numb out. I know it's time to quit drinking so I can work on those issues.

Thank you SO much, each and evey one of you. I look forward to getting to know you better. I'm going to take an Epsom salt bath to try to sleep w/o the alcohol, read a little, and hopefully sleep well to get ready for Monday.

Laura

You're on the right track! Hang in there. :c011:

Welcome. This is a great place to start.

Thanks for sharing your experience with us. You're strong enough and important enough to do this for yourself xx :)