bubbles87

Hello everyone,

I really would love some opinions.

I am struggling with the best choice as to where to live starting Jan 6th. I have an unpaid internship (40 hrs per week) in a different city.

I can potentially live in transitional/sober living housing but will have a 30 min (if not more with the snow/traffic) to and 30 min from an unpaid internship every weekday. Or I could live with a guy friend in one of his spare rooms (who we have had a physical relationship before, and I have known him for about 1.5 years) and have only a 7 minute commute there and back. Or I could live with a lady and her boyfriend in their house in a room they are renting out (they made a listing online, I don't personally know them) with about a 5 min. commute.

My sponsor has been pushing me to live in the transitional housing but I don't know about having to travel an extra hour (minimum) if not more each weekday in addition to having to go to 9 meetings per week.

A little background: for the past 1.5 years I've lived in an apartment by myself. I have had 13 months of continuous sobriety, but relapsed in August, and drank in Oct. and early November. I have been sober since November 11th 2013, so I've been sober 40 days.

Any input would be very much appreciated!

Dee74

Hi Bubbles

I'm Australian - in all my years working I don't think I had less than 30 mins commute - most years, in fact it was double that...you do get used to it.

The transitional housing sounds like the best option for you out of the ones listed - but in the end it's up to you.

As for meetings you could always go to meetings in the city you'll be working in? or look for transitional housing there?

D

EndGameNYC

If living in transitional housing helps you get your life back, then an hour each day for five days each week is an extremely modest fee.

. . .

You've already begun to change your life for the better. A forty-hour internship is forty hours...without pay. You're planning for and working towards a better life professionally, might as well go all the way with your sobriety.

KateL

I would chose the housing option or the room with the lady (check it out first.) Congrats on 40 days x

Thepatman

Same as others. For the commute part, if you are using public transport, and you can read a good book, than the time might not feel so wasted?

EverySngleNight

I would DEFINITELY go with the housing option. I'm doing 5 day intensive outpatient currently (voluntary), my commute has been no less than an hour each way. On a snow day- it took me over three hours to get home one evening. Yes, it's a pain in the @ss. BUT, it's keeping me on track, accountable, and forcing me to form better habits and stick to a new routine- rather than falling into old habits.

I think in early recovery, structure is so important! I'd be REALLY worried that without my current treatment plan and structure- I'd relapse. I'm 95.9% certain that I would. Which is SO sick considering what it took to get me here. But, I have to be honest with myself... Brutally honest.

Moving in with someone you've had "relations" with -as a roommate- is something I'd advise ANYONE against. That situation could leave you screwed over 6 ways to Sunday. Too much negative potential there to even remotely be worth it! I'd take the drive over that! Moving in with strangers? No accountability... Err... Sounds sticky. They don't know about your issue. How long before that sneaky little whisper starts to take hold? Beyond that... They're STRANGERS. You can't really trust them. You won't know if you can until you're knee deep in it, and by then you could be in trouble. That's not worth it IMO either.

People like your sponsor, have come before us and had success at staying sober. I've done everything I know how and failed. I weigh the suggestions of people who've come before me, very heavily now. I follow the instructions of my counseling team, and that's keeping me safe.

You and your sponsor have one very important thing in common- you both want what's best for you. Those other folks... ???

LadyBlue0527

That's a tough question to answer.

I can see the practicality of living closer. It makes sense, that is, if sobriety wasn't on the line.

In looking at each situation honestly, do you see yourself guarding and protecting your sobriety the same in each?

That's an important question that you need to ask yourself.

Here's a good question. When you were drinking, if there were 2 bars close by but neither had alcohol and a bar that was a 30 minute commute both ways to get to, which bar would you choose to go with? You have to be as dedicated to your sobriety as you were to your drinking. Just a thought.

flutter

I've had a 45min-1hour commute for the past geeze, 12 years maybe? I would vote for that option, it sounds much more conducive to your long term recovery!!

Hawkeye13

Building a solid foundation for your sobriety is the absolute most important thing.
Get a library membership and listen to books on tape, write in your journal, do something productive on the commute and that's even better.

Great job on quitting again and getting the internship.
This can be the beginning of a new future you

robgt350

i would pick the house closest to your internship but at the same time keeping sobriety in mind.

sugarbear1

a truly spiritual life is full of struggles, not of helping self.....

Carlotta

I am with Kate, I would also chose to rent a room and be independent. Your recovery is on you, what is the point of institutionalizing yourself? One of the reasons a lot of us get sober is so we don't end up in institutions in the first place.
The hour a day you'd save on commute could be spent going to a meeting, reading on recovery, meditating, doing something positive such as volunteering in the community at large or just living the life you denied yourself while in active addiction.
The way I see it, an halfway house just infantilize people. You are an adult and a competent sober woman who knows right from wrong and knows she has to work on her recovery. Do you need all those rules hanging over your head to take care of you? Do you need a babysitter?

>Bracing myself to get flamed here LOL<

Fandy

why on earth do you HAVE to go to 9 meetings a week? Is it mandatory?

along with a minimum hour of travel time (in GOOD weather), that is a huge chunk of free time eaten up. I would take the option that Carlotta/Kate went with too.

You aren't a child, you can stand up for yourself and do what is practical. Unless of course you need the support to remain sober. You sound like you have a lot of people telling you what is best for you, but really it is about what makes YOU feel comfortable. working 40 hours a week is tough and even tougher with no pay.

congrats on all of your sober time too.

Db1105

30 minute commute??? luxury .

My commute been an hour or more since I can remember. In the summer, it can be close to 2. But, I found it much better to live with others in recovery my first couple of years.