Should I leave my DH? If so, how? ~long~
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 51
Should I leave my DH? If so, how? ~long~
I've been married 32. Every day of which I've been unhappy.
On our wedding day I left and went to a conveniece store. I begged the cashier for a dime and called my best friend to come get me.
When I got to my parents home my stepfather cracked the door and told me to go home as it was DH's responsibility to take care of me and I wasn't coming home again. Too many mouths to feed.
I'd been pressured to marry by my mother. This was the deep south, Mississippi, and that's how you got rid of your daughters. I was lucky I got to wait until I was 17. I'd been in school with 14 year olds married with babies on the way.
Needless to say we were dirt poor, lived in the white ghetto, and went hungry on may occasions. I also turned wild, drinking and using every day.
After two weeks of 9th grade I was made to quit school and get a job. Every payday my mother drove me to work and then to cash my check whereupon I was allowed one carton of smokes, she getting the rest of the money. My sister only made it to 8th grade, so i was fortunate again.
The first twenty years of marriage he came and went as he pleased drinking and drugging with friends. I never said a thing sitting and drinking alone.
He makes good money and I was allowed to be a housewife and stay at home mom. From the time I was pregnant with my first until my youngest was 16 I never touched a drop, but kept using benzos daily, only stopping during the pegnancies.
I then began drinking again and picked up right where I left off even worse until I'd almost drank myself to death. I've been clean almost 18 months.
The problem is that he's never stopped. I, honestly, have never, in 32 years, seen him sober one day. I've waited on him hand and foot making his life as easy as possible.
It's now at the worst it's ever been. He goes to work then comes home only to sit in his chair drinking. On his days off he drinks from morning to night. He literally only gets up to get another beer and go pee.
To put it in perspective he went four years wearing an uncomfortable pair of work shoes that actually deformed two of his toes. I refused to go get him a new pair. He hasn't been to try on clothing or shoes in 32 years.
I finally gave in three months ago, because I was sick of hearing him whine.
The clincher is that he expects me to make sure he has a constant supply of beer. He drinks 4-6 thirty packs a week. He feels I'm obligated to do this and gets pissy if I tell him I'm not doing it anymore.
I know I, myself, have let this situation get so out of hand. I was raised that women did this deferring to the man. Out of obligation since he worked and supported me and my children.
Being fortunate, once again, he is a passive drunk getting more and more quiet the drunker he gets.
I want to leave so badly, but the guilt gets to me. I don't know how he'd take care of himself. He's never even written a check in his life.
I left a year ago and by the time I came back he had no electricity, cable, phone, food, and the rent was a month late. All of which I righted.
I want to be on my own and have some peace without him sucking the life out of me, but I can't make myself do it. He took it so hard the last time and only sank farther down. It was the only time I was ever happy in my life.
What to do, what to do?
On our wedding day I left and went to a conveniece store. I begged the cashier for a dime and called my best friend to come get me.
When I got to my parents home my stepfather cracked the door and told me to go home as it was DH's responsibility to take care of me and I wasn't coming home again. Too many mouths to feed.
I'd been pressured to marry by my mother. This was the deep south, Mississippi, and that's how you got rid of your daughters. I was lucky I got to wait until I was 17. I'd been in school with 14 year olds married with babies on the way.
Needless to say we were dirt poor, lived in the white ghetto, and went hungry on may occasions. I also turned wild, drinking and using every day.
After two weeks of 9th grade I was made to quit school and get a job. Every payday my mother drove me to work and then to cash my check whereupon I was allowed one carton of smokes, she getting the rest of the money. My sister only made it to 8th grade, so i was fortunate again.
The first twenty years of marriage he came and went as he pleased drinking and drugging with friends. I never said a thing sitting and drinking alone.
He makes good money and I was allowed to be a housewife and stay at home mom. From the time I was pregnant with my first until my youngest was 16 I never touched a drop, but kept using benzos daily, only stopping during the pegnancies.
I then began drinking again and picked up right where I left off even worse until I'd almost drank myself to death. I've been clean almost 18 months.
The problem is that he's never stopped. I, honestly, have never, in 32 years, seen him sober one day. I've waited on him hand and foot making his life as easy as possible.
It's now at the worst it's ever been. He goes to work then comes home only to sit in his chair drinking. On his days off he drinks from morning to night. He literally only gets up to get another beer and go pee.
To put it in perspective he went four years wearing an uncomfortable pair of work shoes that actually deformed two of his toes. I refused to go get him a new pair. He hasn't been to try on clothing or shoes in 32 years.
I finally gave in three months ago, because I was sick of hearing him whine.
The clincher is that he expects me to make sure he has a constant supply of beer. He drinks 4-6 thirty packs a week. He feels I'm obligated to do this and gets pissy if I tell him I'm not doing it anymore.
I know I, myself, have let this situation get so out of hand. I was raised that women did this deferring to the man. Out of obligation since he worked and supported me and my children.
Being fortunate, once again, he is a passive drunk getting more and more quiet the drunker he gets.
I want to leave so badly, but the guilt gets to me. I don't know how he'd take care of himself. He's never even written a check in his life.
I left a year ago and by the time I came back he had no electricity, cable, phone, food, and the rent was a month late. All of which I righted.
I want to be on my own and have some peace without him sucking the life out of me, but I can't make myself do it. He took it so hard the last time and only sank farther down. It was the only time I was ever happy in my life.
What to do, what to do?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 51
Originally Posted by Dee74 
seems to me you know what you want to do Jade - whats stopping you?
D
D
Although, lately when I think of this I really don't care and it no longer scares me the desire to get away is so strong.
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Originally Posted by jade2112
I've been married 32. Every day of which I've been unhappy.
On our wedding day I left and went to a conveniece store. I begged the cashier for a dime and called my best friend to come get me.
When I got to my parents home my stepfather cracked the door and told me to go home as it was DH's responsibility to take care of me and I wasn't coming home again. Too many mouths to feed.
I'd been pressured to marry by my mother. This was the deep south, Mississippi, and that's how you got rid of your daughters. I was lucky I got to wait until I was 17. I'd been in school with 14 year olds married with babies on the way.
Needless to say we were dirt poor, lived in the white ghetto, and went hungry on may occasions. I also turned wild, drinking and using every day.
After two weeks of 9th grade I was made to quit school and get a job. Every payday my mother drove me to work and then to cash my check whereupon I was allowed one carton of smokes, she getting the rest of the money. My sister only made it to 8th grade, so i was fortunate again.
The first twenty years of marriage he came and went as he pleased drinking and drugging with friends. I never said a thing sitting and drinking alone.
He makes good money and I was allowed to be a housewife and stay at home mom. From the time I was pregnant with my first until my youngest was 16 I never touched a drop, but kept using benzos daily, only stopping during the pegnancies.
I then began drinking again and picked up right where I left off even worse until I'd almost drank myself to death. I've been clean almost 18 months.
The problem is that he's never stopped. I, honestly, have never, in 32 years, seen him sober one day. I've waited on him hand and foot making his life as easy as possible.
It's now at the worst it's ever been. He goes to work then comes home only to sit in his chair drinking. On his days off he drinks from morning to night. He literally only gets up to get another beer and go pee.
To put it in perspective he went four years wearing an uncomfortable pair of work shoes that actually deformed two of his toes. I refused to go get him a new pair. He hasn't been to try on clothing or shoes in 32 years.
I finally gave in three months ago, because I was sick of hearing him whine.
The clincher is that he expects me to make sure he has a constant supply of beer. He drinks 4-6 thirty packs a week. He feels I'm obligated to do this and gets pissy if I tell him I'm not doing it anymore.
I know I, myself, have let this situation get so out of hand. I was raised that women did this deferring to the man. Out of obligation since he worked and supported me and my children.
Being fortunate, once again, he is a passive drunk getting more and more quiet the drunker he gets.
I want to leave so badly, but the guilt gets to me. I don't know how he'd take care of himself. He's never even written a check in his life.
I left a year ago and by the time I came back he had no electricity, cable, phone, food, and the rent was a month late. All of which I righted.
I want to be on my own and have some peace without him sucking the life out of me, but I can't make myself do it. He took it so hard the last time and only sank farther down. It was the only time I was ever happy in my life.
What to do, what to do?
On our wedding day I left and went to a conveniece store. I begged the cashier for a dime and called my best friend to come get me.
When I got to my parents home my stepfather cracked the door and told me to go home as it was DH's responsibility to take care of me and I wasn't coming home again. Too many mouths to feed.
I'd been pressured to marry by my mother. This was the deep south, Mississippi, and that's how you got rid of your daughters. I was lucky I got to wait until I was 17. I'd been in school with 14 year olds married with babies on the way.
Needless to say we were dirt poor, lived in the white ghetto, and went hungry on may occasions. I also turned wild, drinking and using every day.
After two weeks of 9th grade I was made to quit school and get a job. Every payday my mother drove me to work and then to cash my check whereupon I was allowed one carton of smokes, she getting the rest of the money. My sister only made it to 8th grade, so i was fortunate again.
The first twenty years of marriage he came and went as he pleased drinking and drugging with friends. I never said a thing sitting and drinking alone.
He makes good money and I was allowed to be a housewife and stay at home mom. From the time I was pregnant with my first until my youngest was 16 I never touched a drop, but kept using benzos daily, only stopping during the pegnancies.
I then began drinking again and picked up right where I left off even worse until I'd almost drank myself to death. I've been clean almost 18 months.
The problem is that he's never stopped. I, honestly, have never, in 32 years, seen him sober one day. I've waited on him hand and foot making his life as easy as possible.
It's now at the worst it's ever been. He goes to work then comes home only to sit in his chair drinking. On his days off he drinks from morning to night. He literally only gets up to get another beer and go pee.
To put it in perspective he went four years wearing an uncomfortable pair of work shoes that actually deformed two of his toes. I refused to go get him a new pair. He hasn't been to try on clothing or shoes in 32 years.
I finally gave in three months ago, because I was sick of hearing him whine.
The clincher is that he expects me to make sure he has a constant supply of beer. He drinks 4-6 thirty packs a week. He feels I'm obligated to do this and gets pissy if I tell him I'm not doing it anymore.
I know I, myself, have let this situation get so out of hand. I was raised that women did this deferring to the man. Out of obligation since he worked and supported me and my children.
Being fortunate, once again, he is a passive drunk getting more and more quiet the drunker he gets.
I want to leave so badly, but the guilt gets to me. I don't know how he'd take care of himself. He's never even written a check in his life.
I left a year ago and by the time I came back he had no electricity, cable, phone, food, and the rent was a month late. All of which I righted.
I want to be on my own and have some peace without him sucking the life out of me, but I can't make myself do it. He took it so hard the last time and only sank farther down. It was the only time I was ever happy in my life.
What to do, what to do?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 45
i think you know what to do, you made your choise inside,
try to do it all safetly
you can have a normal and happy life
its nevet to late to start alllll over
but do it safetly, organized, ask for help anyone who can
and maby a year from now it will all just be a bad memory
you can do it !!!
try to do it all safetly
you can have a normal and happy life
its nevet to late to start alllll over
but do it safetly, organized, ask for help anyone who can
and maby a year from now it will all just be a bad memory
you can do it !!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
This may sound a little harsh but here goes. Take some responsibility. You've been dependent on someone or something your whole life. Your parents made you do it! Your husband makes you do it! You're living with him for support! You're using medicare and social security for your health problems and your income! It's no darn wonder you don't know what to do or at least that's your excuse. You certainly knew how to draw support from the state and feds. It's not guilt that keeps you from making a move, it's fear. Stop playing the martyr and complaining about your state of affairs. The choice is as I see it, either stay where you are or move out, but stop making excuses.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 219
Hi Jade. Since you asked- Yes, get out. Don't let him guilt you when he acts sad or self destructive about you leaving. It sounds like you may need to call an abuse hotline, and get some help leaving. I would write more but I'm on my cell phone writing with two tired thumbs. Be careful leaving, and keep getting support
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