Thoughts on personality change through drink
Kaleidoscope eyes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC 
From the perspective of personal responsibility, we are what we do. Not what we say, not what we feel, not what we think, not what we believe, not what we want to be.
The person I am while I'm drinking is the person I am while I'm drinking. Given that I drank for approximately twenty years, there is no other basis on which to evaluate myself during those twenty years than how I behaved during that time.
If I get in a car while drunk, and I kill someone on my way home, that death is my responsibility. The criminal justice system, the friends and family of the deceased, and my own conscience agree. If I do the same thing while completely sober, and without otherwise breaking any laws, it's unlikely that I'll be charged with a criminal offense. Regardless of my condition, the choice to drive while intoxicated was mine.
For me, the AV phenomenon (AV) is not helpful. When I have thoughts about drinking or about "unsober" behavior, those thoughts come from a very real and integral part of me. It's part of my alcoholic thinking, and not a disembodied voice (I do understand that this is not how many people describe or define the AV phenomenon) that allows me to consider doing things that are potentially harmful to me and to other people.
I don't believe that an evil presence overtook my personality or my behavior while I was drinking. Clearly, for me, I was not only capable of doing the things that I did while I was drinking, I actually did those things. Which means I'm capable of doing them again. This is only one reason why making amends is so important to my sobriety. I'm certain that I would have made very little progress in sobriety had I not held myself accountable for the way I acted during my drinking years.
The person I am while I'm drinking is the person I am while I'm drinking. Given that I drank for approximately twenty years, there is no other basis on which to evaluate myself during those twenty years than how I behaved during that time.
If I get in a car while drunk, and I kill someone on my way home, that death is my responsibility. The criminal justice system, the friends and family of the deceased, and my own conscience agree. If I do the same thing while completely sober, and without otherwise breaking any laws, it's unlikely that I'll be charged with a criminal offense. Regardless of my condition, the choice to drive while intoxicated was mine.
For me, the AV phenomenon (AV) is not helpful. When I have thoughts about drinking or about "unsober" behavior, those thoughts come from a very real and integral part of me. It's part of my alcoholic thinking, and not a disembodied voice (I do understand that this is not how many people describe or define the AV phenomenon) that allows me to consider doing things that are potentially harmful to me and to other people.
I don't believe that an evil presence overtook my personality or my behavior while I was drinking. Clearly, for me, I was not only capable of doing the things that I did while I was drinking, I actually did those things. Which means I'm capable of doing them again. This is only one reason why making amends is so important to my sobriety. I'm certain that I would have made very little progress in sobriety had I not held myself accountable for the way I acted during my drinking years.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I have had this happen to me. Here is a small piece of an email I got once...
In my opinion, the deep seeded emotions inside of you that in my opinion you are refusing to deal with are not caused by your drinking but that you "use" alcohol as your crutch as your verbal outlet to express those emotions whether they are voluntary or not and because alcohol distorts thinking then those emotions come out of your mouth in a wrath of hostile obnoxious anger and deep seeded resentments that only those who have felt the wrath of the alcoholic.
And in addition to your own denial is the denial of your others, including myself in the past, thus the common comment, "She wouldn't have said or done that if she wasn't drinking," or "That wasn't her talking, it was the alcohol," or "That's not the real person," or "Is that how she really feels or is she just drunk?" or how about, "It’s the booze talking."
This isn't textbook, this is reality. You are an alcoholic and when you are under the influence of alcohol you are a drunk with a hostile nasty personality period and you are in denial if you believe anything other than that. It doesn't mean you don't have real honest to God feelings that you may wish you could express but you allow the alcohol to be used as your scapegoat to blurt out whatever is on your mind no matter how abusive it is and it sends massive mixed messages to all of those around you
So yeah. I have been there and as you can see this person was back and forth. In one breath it was you have resentments but then in the second breath it was that I use booze to be able to basically say them out loud in a mean and vicious way.
I did feel that way. I was an angry mean drunk. Not all the time mind you but I had more than my share of mean moments.
I don't feel that way anymore and it has nothing to do with laying down the bottle. It has to do with going over those resentments and clearing the wreckage of my past.
I had to make amends for those vicious and nasty comments and ask for forgiveness because they were fueled by the resentments, not the booze.
I would have said them sober if I had the guts. The booze gave me the guts not the feelings or the words.
Now I agree with falling down steps and off bar stools. Those I would not have done sober....lol
In my opinion, the deep seeded emotions inside of you that in my opinion you are refusing to deal with are not caused by your drinking but that you "use" alcohol as your crutch as your verbal outlet to express those emotions whether they are voluntary or not and because alcohol distorts thinking then those emotions come out of your mouth in a wrath of hostile obnoxious anger and deep seeded resentments that only those who have felt the wrath of the alcoholic.
And in addition to your own denial is the denial of your others, including myself in the past, thus the common comment, "She wouldn't have said or done that if she wasn't drinking," or "That wasn't her talking, it was the alcohol," or "That's not the real person," or "Is that how she really feels or is she just drunk?" or how about, "It’s the booze talking."
This isn't textbook, this is reality. You are an alcoholic and when you are under the influence of alcohol you are a drunk with a hostile nasty personality period and you are in denial if you believe anything other than that. It doesn't mean you don't have real honest to God feelings that you may wish you could express but you allow the alcohol to be used as your scapegoat to blurt out whatever is on your mind no matter how abusive it is and it sends massive mixed messages to all of those around you
So yeah. I have been there and as you can see this person was back and forth. In one breath it was you have resentments but then in the second breath it was that I use booze to be able to basically say them out loud in a mean and vicious way.
I did feel that way. I was an angry mean drunk. Not all the time mind you but I had more than my share of mean moments.
I don't feel that way anymore and it has nothing to do with laying down the bottle. It has to do with going over those resentments and clearing the wreckage of my past.
I had to make amends for those vicious and nasty comments and ask for forgiveness because they were fueled by the resentments, not the booze.
I would have said them sober if I had the guts. The booze gave me the guts not the feelings or the words.
Now I agree with falling down steps and off bar stools. Those I would not have done sober....lol
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
If drinking revealed the true me, I'd expect this true me to have resurfaced at least once in seven years sobriety - it hasn't.
Drunk me was drug affected. I was not in my right mind. it was not the true me.
D
Drunk me was drug affected. I was not in my right mind. it was not the true me.
D
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
....they were fueled by the resentments, not the booze.
I would have said them sober if I had the guts. The booze gave me the guts not the feelings or the words.
yes, that. thanks for your clarity and simplicity of putting it.
I would have said them sober if I had the guts. The booze gave me the guts not the feelings or the words.
yes, that. thanks for your clarity and simplicity of putting it.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Originally Posted by Dee74
If drinking revealed the true me, I'd expect this true me to have resurfaced at least once in seven years sobriety - it hasn't.
Drunk me was drug affected. I was not in my right mind. it was not the true me.
D
Drunk me was drug affected. I was not in my right mind. it was not the true me.
D
drinking didn't reveal the true me but couldn't bring out anything that wasn't already there. sober, i'm not a different person. there's just one me. am i "nicer" when sober? yes, but not because i'm a different me. i'm "nicer" because i've done some work and want to be "nicer" and because i have brakes now.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
This might be another one of those blind 5 men and the elephant things lol
Everyones entitled to their opinion.
I can only speak for me tho.
I don't run from my responsibility for whatever I did - I did it, under the influence or not.
Did drink draw out something that was already there?
I don't see it that way - I see it as a twenty year descent into decay and debasement - a change - not for the better.
I do feel like I'm a different me now tho - I've certainly worked hard enough at it.
I recognise a true essential me who's returned after years of drink and drugs warped it into something else.
D
Everyones entitled to their opinion.
I can only speak for me tho.
I don't run from my responsibility for whatever I did - I did it, under the influence or not.
Did drink draw out something that was already there?
I don't see it that way - I see it as a twenty year descent into decay and debasement - a change - not for the better.
I do feel like I'm a different me now tho - I've certainly worked hard enough at it.
I recognise a true essential me who's returned after years of drink and drugs warped it into something else.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 426
The drunk me talked too much, was self-centered and gossiped ENTIRELY too much. The sober me . . .not so much. I didn't like drunk me. One thing I NEVER understood . . .drunk me always talked most to the people I liked least when sober. . .go figure. Glad that's behind me.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
The drunk me wasn't different than not drunk me except for lack of inhibition. I didn't do anything that was out of character, completely.
Sort of like a car still has the same functions, features and capabilities, but the brakes fail. Whatever I was inclined to do, I did...and didn't stop.
Sort of like a car still has the same functions, features and capabilities, but the brakes fail. Whatever I was inclined to do, I did...and didn't stop.
Kaleidoscope eyes
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Originally Posted by fini
i'm thinking there might be two different conversations going on in this thread, one about "does being drunk reveal the true me?" and the other "are the mean nasty ugly/sentimentally lubby-dubby things i did while drunk part of who i am?"
drinking didn't reveal the true me but couldn't bring out anything that wasn't already there. sober, i'm not a different person. there's just one me. am i "nicer" when sober? yes, but not because i'm a different me. i'm "nicer" because i've done some work and want to be "nicer" and because i have brakes now.
drinking didn't reveal the true me but couldn't bring out anything that wasn't already there. sober, i'm not a different person. there's just one me. am i "nicer" when sober? yes, but not because i'm a different me. i'm "nicer" because i've done some work and want to be "nicer" and because i have brakes now.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 48
I think it all depends on the type of drunk you are. When I was drinking I was never aggressive, irresponsible, mean, embarrassing, sloppy etc. I was just a little less reserved version of myself. We're all different.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Sunny Florida
Posts: 304
I was rarely mean when I drank to excess; and I'm not mean sober. What I was when drunk was a totally different me. Loud,obnoxious, sloppy and basically a total idiot. I'm nothing like that sober( except maybe a small part idiot lol)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Edmonton, Alberta
Posts: 297
I know for sure the "Personality Change" I saw was in letting My Responsibilities slide-
I am Definitely NOT like that Sober. Things like House Cleaning, Laundry, Hygiene,
Paperwork, etc.
I'd have to say I was a pretty mellow drunk-Kept to Myself...The "Isolating" type.
I never really did like the Bar Scene-Just stayed at Home...Less TROUBLE that way...
I am Definitely NOT like that Sober. Things like House Cleaning, Laundry, Hygiene,
Paperwork, etc.
I'd have to say I was a pretty mellow drunk-Kept to Myself...The "Isolating" type.
I never really did like the Bar Scene-Just stayed at Home...Less TROUBLE that way...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,949
i think people are different in terms of how much they have to drink to lose their inhibitions..or more accurately their minds. I really had to drink a ton and quick to get to this state and even then I never claimed to be totally out
of control. i've have seen some people have 5 cocktails and start telling me stuff the should never had and would never had sober or start doing inappropriate things. maybe they really were in control but figured.hey
everyone thinks im drunk so I can do whatever I want. I don't know but every drinker is different.
of control. i've have seen some people have 5 cocktails and start telling me stuff the should never had and would never had sober or start doing inappropriate things. maybe they really were in control but figured.hey
everyone thinks im drunk so I can do whatever I want. I don't know but every drinker is different.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Originally Posted by Dee74
If drinking revealed the true me, I'd expect this true me to have resurfaced at least once in seven years sobriety - it hasn't.
Drunk me was drug affected. I was not in my right mind. it was not the true me.
D
Drunk me was drug affected. I was not in my right mind. it was not the true me.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 17
Going on almost six months I am going through this sort of realization myself. I agree with you completely. There is absolutely nothing about me sober that is like me drunk. I am a completely different person. It's just negative, negative, negative. I used to be the fun partying drinker, and then it turned into a lot of stupid decisions. Being away from it now, I see it, and I'm continuing to find out things about the real me every day that I forgot existed in the first place.
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
Im not an alcoholic. Ah is but when I was younger and drank trying to keep up with others. I Would drink way too much with friends. I didnt know my limit . I guess you could say i was a party girl. It didnt change who I was though but I realized that I said things and even did things I never would sober. I was still me . I was just a more irresponsible, Not thinking ahead, idiot. Emotions normally withheld or more composed poured out and because of this I acted in ways I normally wouldnt have. Secrets or thoughts I never would say came out because I didnt think before I spoke. I even got into a fight with a friend because before even drinking once we were not getting along...that poisonious thinking leaked into my drunk self and instead of poisonious thinking I acted on it physically and normally I wouldnt have. I am a kind non violent person so that was out of character for me.
I eventually slowed down and then stopping all together because I like being in control of myself the loss of control over my emotions or words. I just dont see the point in drinking anymore. I like not being in a walking stupor.
I like to think ah would be a better him if he werent drinking but I think with an alcoholic its more than just "not" drinking. I think its more of a re training.
I eventually slowed down and then stopping all together because I like being in control of myself the loss of control over my emotions or words. I just dont see the point in drinking anymore. I like not being in a walking stupor.
I like to think ah would be a better him if he werent drinking but I think with an alcoholic its more than just "not" drinking. I think its more of a re training.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
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Originally Posted by KateL
I am a firm believer that when we drink, the monster that appears is not the real us. However, it irks me when i hear folk saying, 'It's a truth drug, it's the real you and it all comes out when you are drunk. You are just a horrible person who can hide that fact when sober. I have heard this sort of thing said so many times, not just about me but about others with drink issues. I think that's a load of old nonsense myself. The real me would never neglect my kids, or fall off tables' exposing my knickers to all or talk gibberish all night long on the phone to my long suffering friends and family. I'm really not like that in real life. I suppose we can get a bit loose tongued and say what shouldn't be said when drunk, but again, when sober, we would adopt more restraint. What are people's thoughts on this?
I think people get so used to sticking a label on things so lets just throw a label on that drunk's drink and call it a truth drug. I'm sure if I drank enough alcohol I'd turn into a blithering idiot and p*ss people off for no good reason too.
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